tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post220122734023164657..comments2023-04-15T01:34:35.989-07:00Comments on BGBC Survivors: UnMarried Movie: Is Staying Single Sabotaging Christianity?Julie Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-72026207419857297962012-12-13T17:20:03.737-08:002012-12-13T17:20:03.737-08:00That's hilarious. And I missed it! If I coul...That's hilarious. And I missed it! If I could edit it, I would, but it's fine. No worries. And it's funny and we all need to laugh :)<br /><br />You are loved, Shakes! Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-87452050054279851642012-12-13T17:09:35.850-08:002012-12-13T17:09:35.850-08:00HAHAHA! I just realized I wrote bed instead of be...HAHAHA! I just realized I wrote bed instead of be. That can't be good.<br /><br />Also, thanks again for having a place where I can express myself freely and still feel loved :) Shakes McGeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445543782505384631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-92224449075796388492012-12-13T16:40:56.898-08:002012-12-13T16:40:56.898-08:00Shakes, What a powerful comment and I'm sure ...Shakes, What a powerful comment and I'm sure your words speak for many singles. Thank you so much for sharing your heart here!<br /><br />I feel angry for the way you have been treated. ARGH is right!<br /><br />Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-82994893899707129702012-12-13T16:39:15.580-08:002012-12-13T16:39:15.580-08:00I am late getting to the game. I have been too si...I am late getting to the game. I have been too sick to keep up with your blog lately. I am only writing this to answer your question. I know how my singleness is negatively affecting the church. Because of how I am treated, I no longer attend church, so you could say I am diminishing its number. I would like to also point out the twisted reversal of all this nonsense. I am either attacked or isolated on the sole basis of my marital status. You can badger me as much as you want about remaining single, but no one, NO ONE is offering a solution to me. They want to blame me for being single without offering a way to resolve what they see as sin. <br /><br />Precious few people choose to bed single over having a relationship. Blaming them because they can't get a date is just evil. Berating them for having standards in who they select to spend THE REST OF THEIR LIVES with is wrong. Just because I don't fit a mold doesn't mean that God rejects me or my life. <br /><br />ARGH! Shakes McGeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445543782505384631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-63498147630545545362012-12-02T08:54:57.035-08:002012-12-02T08:54:57.035-08:00Wow, Mandy, you really have gone through a lot. i...Wow, Mandy, you really have gone through a lot. i'm sure that takes its toll more than just physically. I'm glad to hear you are recovering better. That's good. I'll try to provide some good reading material for ya ;)Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-19443117753543387272012-12-01T20:48:39.061-08:002012-12-01T20:48:39.061-08:00Today was so much better. I am finally in control ...Today was so much better. I am finally in control of the pain, the allergic reactions have calmed down, I can actually keep food down, etc... And cabin fever is setting in. Modified bed arrest orders are in place for the next 5 weeks or so. I told my orthopedic surgeon that this is the last time he gets to operate on me for many years to come (4 major surgeries in the last 17 months, each one with mandatory 6 weeks bed arrest). Mandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-82321038266472494942012-12-01T12:00:06.700-08:002012-12-01T12:00:06.700-08:00Mandy - Thanks for the update. I'd like to a...Mandy - Thanks for the update. I'd like to ask my readers to continue to pray as you recover. That allergic reaction does not sound like fun at all! Hopefully time will help that issue to resolve. Hang in there, Mandy! sending cyber hugs your way!Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-31418841570228737892012-11-30T18:37:52.951-08:002012-11-30T18:37:52.951-08:00Thank you all for praying. Some issues are startin...Thank you all for praying. Some issues are starting to resolve, others are coming to light. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry about the latest one - I am having an allergic reaction to the plastic surgical draping used during the operation. Nothing quite like a nice big rash surrounding the surgical site, especially when you are allergic to some of the common drugs used to treat the problem. Mandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-85866951898095741312012-11-30T13:22:29.945-08:002012-11-30T13:22:29.945-08:00Yes, Steve. You have hit a nail on the head. The...Yes, Steve. You have hit a nail on the head. The behind the scenes view of 'expanding the Kingdom' in certain places falls short. <br /><br />Now there is nothing wrong with birth-increased Kingdom growth, loving Christian families in a neighborhood, etc., but when it is peddled as 'the only path' to the exclusion of people who are not child-bearers, then there is distaste and distress in that kind of a model of church growth. :( Barb Orlowskihttp://www.churchexiters.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-34705419880532086312012-11-30T13:14:11.621-08:002012-11-30T13:14:11.621-08:00As we told our kids growing up, there are pretty m...As we told our kids growing up, there are pretty much only two kinds of people on the earth: he's and she's. There ain't no other kinds. Basically, two kinds of 'earth suits'.<br /><br />Further, you only marry one person. The rest are brothers or sisters, aunts or uncles. I appreciate having so many brothers. I didn't have one growing up. I have a husband and a grown son, and I also like talking with and asking questions of guys--in multitudes of contexts. <br /><br />Life is so much richer when we can include both halves of the human race. Within proper boundaries, people should be able to chat with either gender. Sounds simple enough!Barb Orlowskihttp://www.churchexiters.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-75510350759065609532012-11-30T12:59:29.671-08:002012-11-30T12:59:29.671-08:00God is not a building and the only temple He resid...<b>God is not a building and the only temple He resides in is our hearts.</b><br /><br />Now see, if that was the focus from the pulpit instead of other hidden agendas, there'd be little for me to rant about here. Excellent point, Steve. Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-73077281116478804902012-11-30T12:51:37.964-08:002012-11-30T12:51:37.964-08:00"It's almost like after someone is marrie..."It's almost like after someone is married, they need to sign a contract that they will never have a conversation with another woman again."<br /><br />It is because we men are raised (at least I was) that women are extremely jealous & have self esteem issues...and since talking with 'another woman' could 'give the appearance of evil'...we are asked to refrain from doing so as the norm.<br /><br />Eventually you grow up (well hopefully right?) and realize that women are humans too and should be able to communicate without freaking out on each other.<br /><br />I then decided that if by me talking to a 'non significant other' caused relationship issues, that my significant other needed to deal with those self perceived concerns herself or find another partner.<br /><br />Once I changed my viewpoint, the stress in my life dropped dramatically and I met my wife.Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-72298986651217777942012-11-30T12:44:44.138-08:002012-11-30T12:44:44.138-08:00I would argue that 'singleness' has the po...I would argue that 'singleness' has the potential to destroy "man's church". But also that being single has zero bearing on God's church.<br /><br />As with any society...a decline in children messes with the economy. We see that now with baby boomers retiring and social security drying up. The same could be said for man's church...less babies = less tithe = unsustainable church grounds.<br /><br />The problem is, pastors get confused and often blend their (man's) church together with God's church (the body of Christ). God is not a building and the only temple He resides in is our hearts.Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-88347797806923159822012-11-30T12:20:01.193-08:002012-11-30T12:20:01.193-08:00jlo - Oh boy - that's a whole 'nuther can ...jlo - Oh boy - that's a whole 'nuther can of worms, isn't it? Why do Christians have such difficulty with men talking with women and women talking with men? I definitely have felt that all along. It's almost like after someone is married, they need to sign a contract that they will never have a conversation with another woman again. <br /><br />I understand having some mutually accepted boundaries like not driving alone with someone of the opposite sex when married, but in the sanctuary of a church filled with people? Hmm, I'll bet that woman wouldn't have a problem going up to the pastor to ask a question in the sanctuary. Why is that any different? Because he's a pastor? Or is it because you appear to be single? <br /><br />Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-44960553604497923712012-11-30T12:13:09.387-08:002012-11-30T12:13:09.387-08:00Try being a single woman in church. Though I’m not...Try being a single woman in church. Though I’m not really single, I appear to be, my husband has moved out of the house and refuses to attend my new church with me. I was glad to see a familiar face when I first started attending, a casual male friend that I hadn’t seen in about 10 years. <br /><br />After service, in the sanctuary in full view of tons of people, as we were catching up, someone had to hot foot it over and ask “where is your lovely wife this morning”. I’m sure she was well intentioned, but just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m trying to steal another woman’s husband. The thing that gets me most is she never even acknowledged my presence. If she was concerned for this man’s virtue, why not engage me in conversation to see what I was about. Or better yet welcome the newcomer. I had forgotten how suspiciously single woman are looked at in church. <br />jlonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-63570058944512287402012-11-30T12:13:08.864-08:002012-11-30T12:13:08.864-08:00Matthias: I've been stewing about your last s...Matthias: I've been stewing about your last sentence trying to think is devaluing singleness the root problem or is it just a lack of love? I don't know. I just don't like the way these men have portrayed singles and it sure makes sense why singles don't feel welcomed. I wish I could wave a wand and fix these problems. Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-46896565054185811032012-11-30T12:11:02.557-08:002012-11-30T12:11:02.557-08:00Serving - Yes, I agree with you. The tone is irri...Serving - Yes, I agree with you. The tone is irritating and I think when you do a little background into Kevin Swanson, you can see where he is coming from. I did some digging. He has Reconstructionist influences. He is a homeschool leader (having himself been homeschooled in the very early homeschool movement). He also seems to promote much of what we hear from Vision Forum - Doug Phillips - on generations of families influencing the world for Christ. So, from his viewpoint, a Christian remaining single defeats what he deems is the most important job of a Christian - to be raising Christian families to affect future generations. <br /><br />Dude, you are messing up his agenda by remaining single. How dare you, Serving! :)<br /><br />I wish they wouldn't pick on singles. I wonder why people aren't making movies about the very many sad marriages in Christianity? Just because one is married doesn't mean that their family life is all rosy. <br /><br /><br />Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-53058693431584237332012-11-30T11:42:58.509-08:002012-11-30T11:42:58.509-08:00Mandy, praying. Mandy, praying. jlonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-37648865096413577912012-11-30T07:11:13.944-08:002012-11-30T07:11:13.944-08:00As a single man myself, and close to 40, I feel ve...As a single man myself, and close to 40, I feel very strongly on this topic. Reading all these stories of singles who become outsiders in their own congregations, I'm reminded of my blessings. Both here and back home, God has given me friends and church families who've included me, and made me part of their lives. Most of them want me to find someone special, but they know I want that, too. It does bug me when people tell me I should hurry up and marry, as though I could do it just like that. Still, I know they mean well.<br /><br />And then there's the video above.... I watched it yesterday morning (your time). I think I understand what the movie will be about, but its over-the-top, almost apocalyptic, tone is irritating. What I found truly insulting, though, was on the site for that movie clip.<br /><br />They referred to adult singleness as "prolonged adolescence".<br /><br />As I mentioned on the Wartburg Watch, my singleness is is painful enough to me. I need that kind of attitude like I need a kick in the face.<br /><br />Thanks for mentioning this, Julie Anne.Serving in Japannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-24385919600822148042012-11-30T04:50:39.017-08:002012-11-30T04:50:39.017-08:00Hi Julie Anne. I know I'm not an outcast to G...Hi Julie Anne. I know I'm not an outcast to God :-). And, yes I have spoken with others about it. But there are few, especially marrieds, that get it. You can only change one person's mind at a time. Unfortunately, when it comes to a topic like this, you aren't just fighting CJ Mahaney or Al Mohler. You are fighting an entire church culture that doesn't value singleness. I'm convinced that if the Apostle Paul were alive today, they would marginalize not only him, but his writings as well.<br /><br />I think valuing singleness is at the root of the problem.Matthiasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-18590690206059129282012-11-29T21:21:58.197-08:002012-11-29T21:21:58.197-08:00Mandy - your desires sound perfectly reasonable. ...Mandy - your desires sound perfectly reasonable. It's baffling that this is not happening in churches, but I'm glad we're discussing it. It's going to cause me to look more closely at my church and I do speak up when I see areas that might be overlooked. Maybe others will do the same at their churches.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your prayer request. I will be praying for you as you recover. Surgery is bad enough, but to have complications - - - that's just not fun. Will you please keep me posted, Mandy? Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-19056887795979550062012-11-29T21:16:16.919-08:002012-11-29T21:16:16.919-08:00Malachi - I really appreciated reading your commen...Malachi - I really appreciated reading your comment. I have a son born in 90 (and single) and reading your response made me want to discuss this with him. <br /><br />I think it's pretty common in the twenties to experience the "boy culture" (I don't know that it's narrowed to just the male gender, either - females are just as prone). I actually think it's just part of the maturation process. If you think about it, it's a time when you are spreading your wings of independence, some for the first time, and part of that independence can lead to a little too much worldly "fun". I get that part of Mohler's sermon. <br /><br />I've been doing more reading (by searching: Mohler and singleness) and there's quite a few references to his teachings. I'm getting more of an understanding of the full picture now. Apparently there have been a number of people who have been put off by his strong wording and he even has had to do some damage control. <br /><br />I think this is one of the very dangerous things when being a leader. People are listening to their every word and sometimes those words can affect people in negative ways. Read this follow-up comment to Jenn Grover's post (the first comment I posted above on today's article):<br /><br /><i>Michael<br />November 29th, 2012 at 1:09 am<br />@ Persona #241--That message is responsible for more heartache in my life than any other that I’ve heard at an SGM conference. It led many of my friends to pursue marriage more than fellowship with their brothers and sisters at the church, and it placed a burden on me to get married to such a degree that I almost married a woman who was completely wrong for me. I’m not fond of Mohler.</i><br /><br />The SGM culture is performance driven, not grace-driven, so you can imagine how a speaker like Mohler would cause a response as Michael described.<br /><br /><br /><br />Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-61490176010183489552012-11-29T20:44:15.508-08:002012-11-29T20:44:15.508-08:00Matthias - You are not an outcast to God. They sh...Matthias - You are not an outcast to God. They should not be treating you differently than anyone else. This just floors me. I'm very sorry to hear this. Have you discussed this with anyone?Julie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125322661578802590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-13776742649811298762012-11-29T20:00:51.013-08:002012-11-29T20:00:51.013-08:00So to sum up all of our comments, every single one...So to sum up all of our comments, every single one of us just wants a place to meet with other believers where we will be accepted for who we are. No assumed labels, no segregating the congregation, no "chosen ones". We each want to be valued and to matter because we are loved by the One Who created us. <br /><br />If anybody feels like it, I could use some prayer support right now. I had major orthopedic surgery earlier this week and I have been experiencing so many complications since then. Mandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4861198333046479177.post-14308432083130978292012-11-29T18:18:52.831-08:002012-11-29T18:18:52.831-08:00Try being a single, divorced male in a congregatio...Try being a single, divorced male in a congregation filled with married families. I tell you straight out, in too many churches, there's no place for us. I don't think anyone would say that I'm "sabotaging the church", but they still don't understand us. We're not included, our feedback isn't valued. It's been insinuated that since I haven't remarried since my divorce that there must be something wrong with me, maybe I'm not straight or something. Maybe it's because I've got other priorities. Maybe it's because I'm working 3 jobs to keep the lights on. Maybe it's because I'm trying to be a good parent to my children. <br /><br />I'm sure not all churches are like mine, but I'm afraid there are a lot out there just like it. It's like if you are an older single (divorced, never married, whatever), you have tattooed on your forehead "outcast." <br /><br />I wonder if the Apostle Paul would come back how they would treat him? Matthiasnoreply@blogger.com