Comparing the Two, Part 2

This post is continued from Comparing the Two, Part 1.

Some might ask how one can begin to compare the atrocities of physical starvation and beatings at the hands of a dictator to the emotional/spiritual abuse by pastor/elders of a church.   They seem worlds different.  I understand that question.    The physical abuse mentioned in the article depicts the effects of abuse which can be easily seen and identified by anyone, sometimes with just a quick glance.  We read about the physical condition of the children, distended bellies, weakened and tiny bodies, physical scars from beatings, children who starved to death, family members who disappeared.  The way people in this country are treated is horrific.  The signs of physical abuse are evident and leave little doubt as to what happened.   The signs cannot be hidden. 

Emotional and spiritual abuse are not as obvious.  You may not be able to tell by looking at someone that they are emotionally or spiritually abused.  They sometimes suffer silently.   They may not understand what happened.    There can be confusion, disturbed sleep, nightmares, difficulty concentrating, difficulty in relationships, fears, anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.  On a spiritual level, it can result in lack of trust in God (how could a loving God lead them to an abusive church),  mistrust of any spiritual leader, difficulty to pray, read God's word, difficulty to maintain relationships among Christians because of distrust, difficulty to trying a new church and some may never venture into a church again because of that fear or pain.   Because the signs are not as obvious as physical signs and can go undetected, it can lead to a mental or spiritual collapse.  I remember someone from church who had a mental breakdown leading to in-patient hospitalization.  Was this due the spiritually abusive environment?  Some have wondered.  This person never came back to the church, found a new church family and seems to be doing very well now. 

Regardless of the kind of abuse, whether it be sexual, physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse, there can be lasting repercussions on the health and emotional/spiritual well-being of the person.

In Part 1 of this blog series, I quoted paragraphs from an article in CNN.com (In North Korea, a brutal choice).  I noticed the parallels between dictator/spiritual abusers and the people of N. Korea/people in abusive churches.  The indented quotes are from the CNN article and then you will read my observations on how it parallels with a church with this type of leader. 

When a country is led by dictators, it's the ordinary people who pay the price and are forced to make gut-wrenching decisions. 

I am keenly aware that there may be many people who go to church week after week, sit quietly, never ask questions and never have a problem.  They probably wonder what this blog is about, have never seen or experienced anything that has been mentioned and think I’m a crazy, divisive woman who has nothing better to do but cause trouble.   There are people in North Korea who adore their leader, believe everything their dictator says, never question or complain.  Even though they are starving, they keep supporting their leader and wonder why others distrust their leader and are trying to flee.  They think those who question their leader are wrong and turn them in to authorities if they see them doing something against their beloved government. 

In my first Google review which was removed, I said something to the effect that all will go well with you at the church unless you ask questions.  The same can be said in most countries where there is a dictator - you simply do not ask questions or complain to a dictator without consequences.  If you toe the line, you will be fine.   If you stay and submit to the leaders - all will go well with you - - unless you starve to death which is a real concern.   

We were fine in the church for 2 years . . . . until we asked questions and raised concerns.   It was never the same once this occurred.    We were publicly labeled as divisive and destructive slanderers by the pastor and signed by the elders (read Google reviews).   There are consequences to those who dare to leave, dare to question and we are dealing with those consequences nearly 3-1/2 yrs later.   

Defectors' stories are often the only way the world learns about what happens inside the reclusive country.  But many who escaped North Korea choose to remain silent, fearing repercussions for family members left back home.

Google reviews and this blog are a couple ways in which people can learn what has happened inside this reclusive church.  Many people who leave will choose to keep quiet about their story because they may have friends or family members who remain at the church and they fear there may be repercussions.  

Many who do speak out, including Han and her daughters, use pseudonyms (as they do in this article) to avoid detection by the North Korean government.

Many people who have left and have spoken out on Google Review or on the blog use pseudonyms to avoid detection by the pastor and his group of “spies”.  There still seems to be an element of fear even though they have left.  They don't want to be discovered and sought out again as many have experienced even months or years after they have left.

"I believed the party kept us alive," Han said. "I was very thankful. I was constantly trained to believe that without the party, we wouldn't exist."

We were taught to believe that our church was the best - that no other church could measure up - that most churches weren’t even taught the true gospel. 

She did not doubt the leaders, even as her family went hungry. It was the United States and South Korea's fault, they were told, that they had to hunt frogs, rats and even snakes.

Even though there were some odd teachings or perhaps strange vibes that we felt, we overlooked them because we didn’t want to be in a church with false teaching, watered-down messages, seeker-sensitive churches which didn’t measure up to what we were being taught.  We were convinced that our church was the best and any other church would have been inferior or bad. 

The first time Han and her husband snuck into China and hid at a relatives' home, she got her first glimpse of a rice cooker, full of steaming, hot white rice.

The rice in Han's story represents spiritual life to me - an opportunity to live.  The first time people ventured into a new church, they got the first glimpse of normalcy, grace, life, joy.   The abundance of grace, life, joy is overwhelming to one who leaves this kind of environment.   I remember seeing former BGB friends weep during a worship service at another church - to be free was amazing.

The next day, officers came for her, too. In custody, she was forced to kneel in front of police, who kicked her, beat her with a wooden rod and smashed her skull. They lay her hands flat on the cement floor and stomped on them.

The pastor and elders have come to our homes, unannounced, demanding information weeks and months after leaving the church.  This is not physical abuse as in the N. Korea incident above, but this type of coercion and control felt spiritually abusive to us.  Could he not have picked up the phone and asked for a meeting?  Why the show in force with the elders in tow?  Why was our conversation recorded without our consent?  We are not in N. Korea.  Having been treated like this, it sure makes one wonder:  does he think he owns us?

There are some who have left the church and have come back.  If you are brought back, whether voluntarily or by coercion, you may be forced to repent of your “sins” even if you do not believe you were sinning.  You may have to do this before the church body or on the internet publicly.  You might be beaten down emotionally.  If you humble yourself and give in, you may go back and settle back in, but there is a cost.  Or you may be tainted and never treated the same way again.  But if you leave once again, you know the price that will be paid:  most likely labeled as being in church discipline and shunned.  Either way, this feels like an emotional beating.  

"We can talk about what happened," she said. "All my family in North Korea has died. I realized God chose us. Other people cannot talk or their family will suffer."

We have been out of the church for nearly 3-1/2 yrs.  I signed my name "Julie Anne" on the original Google review.   My review represented what happened to me and what I saw at Beaverton Grace Bible Church based on my understanding of church policies and the Bible.  I believe a lot of people at Beaverton Grace Bible church have "died" emotionally and spiritually in this spiritually abusive environment and I want the story to be told just as Song Ee Han is telling her story publicly.  Even after nearly 3-1/2 yrs, my former pastor seems to be trying to control what I say by suing me and 3 others for $500,000 for "defamation".

The final post in this series can be found here:  Comparing the Two, Part 3