Spiritual Abuse Help

Sites that Provide Help and Information Regarding Spiritual Abuse

Abuse Resource Network

Battered Sheep

Are You Ready to Find a New Church?  Good guidelines here!

Church Exiters Dr. Barb Orlowski

Fingerprints of a False Teacher by Pastor Ken Garrett

Going Back to Church? Some Thoughts to Consider:  Blog readers compile a list:  what helped, what to look for, what to avoid when going back to church after spiritual abuse.

How Cults Work

Provender:  "A clearinghouse of sources on spiritual abuse and cult-like practices in groups and churches. "

Recovering from Churches that Abuse - Ron Enroth, Free Online Book

Spiritualabuse.org

Spiritual Abuse Survey

Under Much Grace

VM Life Resources  Informative website from people who were involved in Dallas cult.  Very good information and helps.

Series:  Sheep Among Wolves by John MacArthur (regarding false teachers)

The Dark Side of Spiritual Abuse blog series by Philip Harelson

Brad Sargent has compiled a listing of books dealing with spiritual abuse and recovery here. 

BOOKS

Churches that Abuse by Ron Enroth

Recovering from Churches that Abuse

by Ron Enroth

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse 
by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen

Toxic Faith by Stephen Arteburn and 

Jack Felton

       

Spiritual Abuse Recovery

by Barb Orlowski

DEFINITIONS

Dissociation

False Teacher:  The False Teacher is a person who presents himself to the Christian church as a legitimate teacher, but harbors the deep-set desire to gain control of the church in order to gain personal benefit from the members of the church. 

The "Inner Circle":  This concept is discussed here.  People in the inner circle feed the pastor's ego and will go to great lengths to defend and protect him.  They have a strong bond and most likely get preferential treatment or some kind of emotional reward for feeding the ego.  The pattern is they will report any kind of suspicious activity to the leader, any dissension in the group, anyone who may not be fully on board.

Commenter Lyida Thomas describes her "inner circle" experience.

No talk rule:  In abusive spiritual systems, people's lives are controlled from the outside in by rules, spoken and unspoken. Unspoken rules are those that govern unhealthy churches or families but are not said out loud. Because they are not said out loud, you don't find out that they're there until you break them.

The most powerful of all unspoken rules in the abusive system is what we have already termed the "can't talk" rule. The "can't talk" [rule] has this thinking behind it: "The real problem cannot be exposed because then it would have to be dealt with and things would have to change; so it must be protected behind walls of silence (neglect) or by assault (legalistic attack). If you speak about the problem, you are the problem. (The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse By David Johnson and Jeff Vanvonderen (Bethany House, 1991, 2005))

Spiritual Abuse:  Spiritual abuse is a spiritual role-reversal where a shepherd, instead of clinging to and emulating the Great Shepherd by shepherding God’s people (Acts 20; 1 Peter 5; 1 Timothy 3; Ephesians 4), subtly demands that members exist to meet the shepherd’s needs (James 4:1-4). Rather than relating as a servant leader, the pastor “pulls rank” and “lords it over others” (Matthew 20:20-28; 1 Peter 5:1-6), not for the benefit of the flock, but for the benefit of the pastor. Rather than speaking the truth in love and rather than ministering grace and truth (Ephesians 4:11-16, 29; Colossians 4:3-6; Titus 2:10-12), the spiritually abusive pastor intimidates, judges, condemns, shames, and blames the sheep without regard for the spiritual wellbeing of the sheep (Jeremiah 23:1-4; Matthew 23:1-39).  Definition from Bob Kellemen, Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition

PTSD:

Elephant in the Room


Elitism:  A common trait in spiritually abusive churches is elitism.   If we are so special, and all others churches are inferior, who wants to attend an inferior church?  Elitism is a manipulation tactic to keep people at the church.  And it works powerfully because we become convinced that no other church will measure up.

Trigger:  From Wikipedia:  

A trauma trigger is an experience that triggers a traumatic memory in someone who has experienced trauma. A trigger is thus a troubling reminder of a traumatic event, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic. 

Triggers can be quite diverse, appearing in the form of individual people, places, noises, images, smells, tastes, emotions, animals, films, scenes within films, dates of the year, tones of voice, body positions, bodily sensations, weather conditions, time factors, or combinations thereof. Triggers can be subtle and difficult to anticipate, and can sometimes exacerbate post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition in which trauma survivors cannot control the recurrence of emotional or physical symptoms, or of repressed memory.  A trauma trigger may also be referred to as a trauma stimulus or a trauma stressor.

Spiritual Abuse: Verses Pastors Twist and Misuse to Control
This is a compilation of commonly used verses pastors used to control, manipulate, and abuse.




COUNSELING AND RETREAT CENTERS SPECIALIZING IN SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Bent Meyer of Paradigm Counseling of Puget Sound:  Bent Meyer is a licensed mental health counselor associate who specializes in counseling those who have been spiritually abused.

Spiritual Abuse Recovery:  "My name is Brandon Santan and I'm a counselor specializing in Spiritual Abuse Recovery. I know what it's like. I was in a spiritually abusive environment for over 25 years which resulted in a roller coaster ride of emotions and crisis of faith. Never in my life have I experienced the grace of God like I did when I found out the truth regarding the spiritual abuse I had experienced."  Brandon provides distance counseling online and via telephone.  

Symboulous Ministries:  It is with great respect that I dedicate Symboulos Ministries to my brothers and sisters in Christ who have suffered the trauma and negative repercussions of spiritual abuse, and yet refuse to count themselves among “those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” Heb. 10:39 ESV

-Bob Dixon, Founder Symboulos Ministries

Wellspring Retreat and Resource Center

"Wellspring Retreat and Resource Center is a residential treatment center for those who have been abused in relationships, cults, situations of trauma, and by destructive therapeutic alliances resulting in emotional betrayal and/or physical harm. We offer hope and help through a program of counseling, education, and retreat."


MISCELLANEOUS

How to Resign from a Church

Some pastors/churches harass people after they leave.  Send a certified letter to your former church using this as an example to establish that you have officially left and inform them they do not have permission to contact you, discuss you, etc.