Independent Churches = Recipe for Spiritual Abuse?

We were taught submission at our former church:  children to parents, wives to husbands, husbands to Christ, congregants to pastor/elders, civilians to governmental authorities.


Most churches have a check and balance system in place to ensure that there are no abuses going on in church.  Here is part the doctrinal statement from our former church (located on the church website).

To each of these churches, He has given needful authority for administering that order, discipline and worship which He has appointed (1). There are two Biblically designated offices serving under Christ in the church. Elders (males, who are also called bishops, overseers, and pastor-teachers) and deacons (males), both of whom must meet Biblical qualifications.(http://www.beavertongracebible.org/doctrine.html)

Here is part of the bi-laws discussing the responsibility of elders at our former church:

ARTICLE VI. ELDERS 

The New Testament Scripture is clear about those who have the responsibility of rule, oversight, and care of the church.  These men are called elders, overseers, and bishops.  All three different titles are used to refer to the same spiritual office of leadership in the church and are interchangeable (1 Tim 3:1-7).  We know that Christ is the head of the church and that He mediates His rule in the church through the shepherding of elders (pastors).   (Acts 20:17-18, 28-31; 1 Pet 5:1-4)

SECTION 1. THE AUTHORITY OF THE ELDERS 

A. DECISION-MAKING AUTHORITY 

All the decision-making authority of the church is vested in the elders (pastors) who shepherd the church.  The objective of any and all decisions made shall be to do the will of God regarding the matter at hand. (Prov. 11:14)

B.  DECISION-MAKING PROCESS 

Decisions shall be reached after prayerful consideration in a spirit of humility, with each elder regarding one another before himself.  All decisions are to be made unanimously.   This will at times require a dissenting elder to yield graciously to the elder body as a whole, thus allowing the Lord to direct and correct the decision made, while keeping the unity of the elder body intact in private, in public and before God.  Any decision will bebe a unified "yes" or "no" decision.  All elders agree to be unified in the final decision, "yes" or "no" in public and in private, even though it may not agree with their personal preference (Heb 13:17)

C.  SPECIAL DECISIONS 

1.  The calling of or removal of the pastor-teacher.
2.  The calling of or removal of pastoral or non-pastoral ministry staff.
3.  The church's annual budget.
4.  Expenditures involving new property or new buildings and related indebtedness.
5.  The selection of elders.
6.  Any changes or amendments to the constitution and by-laws.

In one meeting with just the elders (we purposely asked that the pastor not be present at this meeting), we asked if they had ever, in 10 years of working with the pastor, brought up anything that needed to be addressed, ie,  any sinful behavior, anger, pride, relational issues, any issue whatsoever.  We weren't asking for any specifics, just asking the elders if they in fact were holding him accountable.


This was his first pastorate.  No person is perfect and it is the job of elders to keep their pastor in check and hold him accountable.  


Elders are supposed to be on the same level as the teaching pastor.  Our pastor should not have been exempt from that close observation just as the elders were certainly not exempt from his watchful eye.   Both elders told us that they had found no reason to bring up any issue, behavioral, sin, etc, in the prior decade.   


Not even one minor issue for a first-time pastor in 10 years?  That raised a huge red flag for me.    

So, if the elders did not and were not able to bring any issue to light, correction, criticism, concern, regarding any character issue, behavior, sin, etc, then who is?   We did not see anyone fulfilling that role.   What we saw were yes-men as elders and a pastor as an authority with no other pastoral oversight.  I never got the impression that the elders were equal level with the pastor . . . ever.

As I have been reading so many stories of spiritual abuse, there seems to be a common thread.  Some of these involve independent churches with pastors and elders who are yes-men with no other accountability or oversight.  If you are in a church with elders who are yes-men", it can be a perfect system set up for spiritual abuse.  


I'm sure this subject will come up again with the amount of stories I've read.  Perhaps this is something very important to consider when looking at new churches.  I had never thought to consider this when looking for a new church. Hindsight is 20/20, huh?  

The Fingerprints of a False Teacher

During the week the media found out about my lawsuit, I got an e-mail from Ken Garrett who is a pastor of a church in Portland, OR (about 20 minutes away from my former church).  Ken pastors a church named, Portland Grace Bible Church.  My former church also is Grace Bible Church, but with a different city and because of the similarity in names, Ken was the recipient of quite a few "nasty/scolding" e-mails and phone calls from people mistakenly trying to contact my former pastor/church about their disappointment in the lawsuit.  The plus side of this story is that Ken's church website got quite a few hits :) 

Ironically,  Ken expressed in his e-mail to me that he and his family had also experienced spiritual abuse in the past and identified with what we have gone through.  We've spoken by phone and exchanged stories.   Ken understands spiritual abuse and it has left a mark on him; consequently, he has studied quite a bit about false teachers and wrote about the topic on his personal blog:  Downtown Pastor.

Last week, we were discussing if church is safe anymore here.  Pastor Ken's writing on this subject is a great follow-up to that topic.  

To Pastor Ken:  Thank you, Ken, first of all for your great sense of humor with the church mix-up, but also for sharing part of your painful past with me and giving me permission to share your work with my readers.  It is so good and helpful.  I know your heart and appreciate your friendship.   I especially appreciate that you,  as a pastor, can identify with so many who post here.  One of the most difficult things that I have run into is pastors who simply do not get it.  They seem to say, "just move on", "put it behind you" without realizing there is a process of recovery.  By telling a survivor to "move on",  they too are inflicting more pain on these wounded hearts.  I haven't witnessed that in you at all.   So, thank you!  And I do hope to meet you and your wife in person soon.  Maybe next month around the hearing date?  We'll be in touch.

One more thought to my readers - I hope that while you read this, that you will consider this is written by a pastor who has suffered abuse just as we have.  That through his spiritual abuse, he has sought answers from the Bible - to learn for himself, and also to share with others so they won't have to go through the same pain.  He has told me that spiritual abuse has shaped his life in how he pastors.  I know that there are more "Pastor Kens" out there, ones who will not minimize our experiences, but will attempt to reflect Christ in how they shepherd us.  He is always welcome here on my blog.  And I hope other pastors will reach out here as well to extend encouragement and support.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jude 1-4:  The Fingerprints of a False Teacher
by Pastor Ken Garrett

What is a false teacher?  Can you evaluate, and approve, a so-called Christian church or ministry simply on the basis of their doctrinal statement?  The book of Jude provides some timeless insight into the character and methods of those leaders who either arise from within Christian organizations and churches or enter them for the purpose of personal gain and self-indulgence, rather than faithful service to the Church of Jesus.

Abusive churches are the result of abusive leaders—I’ve never found an exception to that.  I was driven to study the book only after a very long and painful exodus from an abusive “Bible” church, many years ago.  It didn’t take many years in the ministry for me to realize how very many brothers and sisters in Christ are out there, living in or having survived painful experiences in their churches.  Of course, not all painful church experiences are indicative of an abusive leader.  But if you read the book of Jude, honestly, and the shoe fits, perhaps you are, or have been, under the influence of such a person.  If so, I hope these little studies encourage you, and lead you closer to the Senior Pastor and Shepherd of all, our magnificent King, Jesus Christ! 

1 Jude, a bond-servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, To those who are the called, beloved in God the Father, and kept for Jesus Christ: 2 May mercy and peace and love be multiplied to you. 3 Beloved, while I was making every effort to write you about our common salvation, I felt the necessity to write to you appealing that you contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints.

Verses 1-3 provide the introductory material for the letter.  Jude, a biological brother of the Lord Jesus, was going to write a letter of general encouragement for Christians, but then became aware that false teachers had made an entrance into the church (or churches) that he wrote to.  The presence of such men (who probably would have functioned as pastors or itinerant evangelists and prophets) prompted Jude to immediately change his purpose in writing.  Verse four answers the basic question, what are some of the foundational qualities of these persons?  He’ll develop his exposure of these qualities in the following verses of the letter. 

4 For certain persons have crept in unnoticed, those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation, ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Jude lists four key ingredients to the ministry of a false teacher.


1.         They enter the ministry quietly and inconspicuously.

"For certain persons have crept in unnoticed… "

These teachers don’t show up at the door of the church with a name tag that says, “Hello, my name is…and I’m going to ruin your life through my false teaching.”  Jude tells us that they show up very quietly.  Their entrance into the lives of those they would lead is very low-key, and is not generally a very noticeable event.  False teachers require time to accomplish their agendas, in order to win loyalty and credibility in the church, so they don’t usually make a big splash when they show up on the scene.  Often, it is very difficult to discern when a false teacher’s ministry started spiraling downward, the descent happens so subtly, and often secret sins were successfully hidden for years before they were unleashed on the church.  Also, it is not uncommon for those trapped in the ministry of a false teacher to cloak the abusive and defective character of their leader in their interactions with those outside of their churches and organizations.  They are subtly taught to protect the shortcomings of their leaders through denial and deceit in their conversations with others, thus setting the stage for their leader to “creep unnoticed” into the lives of others who visit the church. 


2.         They are already known to God as false teachers.  

“…those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation…” 

Although they might shock or surprise those whom they lead, they are not pulling anything over on God!  This is important for those leaving the ministries of such men to remember, for the first question a person has when they are delivered from such a person is, “How in the world did this happen?!  Where were you, God?!”  It’s not possible to say why God allows people to be hurt in His church, certainly it’s an inscrutable mixture of the depravity of the leaders, the gullibility and vulnerability of those they lead, and the providential work of God—a mix that I am unable to adequately separate to this day!  However, in the effort of recognizing the false teacher, it is important to establish from the start that our most reliable information will come from an authoritative, inspired source, the Word of God.  The line of corrupting, false prophets found in the Old Testament (i.e., Ezekiel 34) continues in Scripture to become the false teachers written of in the New Testament (i.e., Acts 20:28-30, 1 and 2 Timothy, 1 John 2:18, 2 Peter 2:1ff).  I guess the most personal application of this point to me was when I realized that these teachers are not confined to the pages of the Bible, as if they no longer manifested the same attitudes and behaviors as those described in Scripture…no, they’re alive and well, and walking the earth today. 


3.         They have neither fear of God nor respect for His grace.

“…ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness…” 

They are ungodly—they have no concern for Him, let alone a sense of awe or fear of Him.  And grace itself is not a motivation to obedience and gratitude to these men (and women), but a “free pass” to indulge their personal wants and desires.  However, they rarely apply the same standard of “grace behavior” to those who disappoint or threaten them as they reserve for themselves.  The practical application of God’s grace in their lives is opposite that of the intended effect of grace described in the Bible, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Titus 2.11-12).  In the ministries of false teachers grace may be spoken of, but more often as a salve of the conscience than a motivation to obedient living.


4.         They reject the authority of Jesus Christ.

“…and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.” 

False teachers have a very particular, observable struggle with authority, particularly that of the Lord Jesus.  Now, this doesn’t present itself in heretical statements about Jesus—that would be very, very foolish on the part of the false teacher.  (Many of the ministries of false teachers hold doctrinal statements that rival the most conservative, orthodox seminaries and denominations, and their followers are well-taught in the basic doctrines of Christianity.)  Their denial of His authority is expressed in a persistent, unrepentant state of living—continuing in various forms of sin and abuse without true confession and repentance.  That’s why many false teachers don’t get out much, and seem to fly under the radar of their local religious communities—the rules, customs, and laws of the communities they live in get in the way of the appearance of authority and command they
feverishly toil to maintain in the eyes of their followers.  It’s hard on them to one minute demand and receive the respect, obedience, trust, (and yes, money) of their followers, and the next to have to stand in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles along with all of the regular, common folk of their communities.  But the taproot of their struggle with authority is a persistent, unrepentant denial of the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ, as evidenced in their refusal to live humble, obedient, servant-oriented lives before His flock.  And, as all false teachers will learn one Day in the heat of judgment, it is His flock, not theirs.

Survival Strategies for Hyper-Authoritarian and Repetitive Sermons

I'm a little bit surprised if you are still reading my blog.   The last three posts were rigged to make a point and I took you on a ride without your permission so you could understand first-hand what it felt like.  I tricked you and purposefully kept the majority of the post the same, but altered bits and pieces to make you think I was giving you a brand new post.  The last post, I again interspersed the same message, but this time with growing feelings of exasperation and anger.   I'm still trying to wrap my head around the thought that a pastor knowingly did this week after week after week after week . . . okay, I'll stop :)

I know how I felt with those repetitious sermons.  I felt like they were wasting my time, that he wanted to pound his message into my head, that it was a form of indoctrination.  They were loud, felt strong, and sounded like hyper-authoritative lectures.    I hope you were able to sense my rising emotions as I continued each post.  

For the record, I normally only use the word "suck" as in,  "my little boy likes to suck his thumb", not the way in which I used it on the previous title, "All Smoothies are Good, Sermons Suck."  In fact, every time I see the title, I cringe because that is not how I speak normally.   But it was used because it expresses how one may respond when dealing with something like this.  Anger rose up from within me screaming:  STOP THIS INSANITY!  It's interesting as I type these blog posts, I often emotionally connect to those times from years ago and the feelings come flooding back. 

 I know many congregants were annoyed with the repetitious sermons, while others sat and endured it quietly.  We all react differently.  Some people zoned out and their minds drifted.  Others used the time to get some business done.  Here are some ways people zoned or preoccupied their mind so they didn't have to listen to the repetitious sermons.  It was easy for me to see what was going on when walking out of the sanctuary to check on my little one in the nursery or to use the restroom.

Some people worked on their checkbooks.

Quite a few kids drew pictures.  I remember seeing some fantastic sailing ships with men and their weapons  (hmm, the thought that the drawings related to war so often never dawned on me before typing this).

Grocery lists:  this was a popular way to bide the time

Another popular response as I briefly alluded to above was to leave the sanctuary and go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, check the nursery to see how the kids were doing, go outside the check the weather, etc.   

It occurred to me that I may have just "outed" these "mental escape" methods to the pastor because I know he and his "spies" read this blog.  Perhaps there will be a meeting soon to recruit spies to report this activity to the pastor - or install hidden cameras, or who knows what else.  When you are dealing with someone who secretly records conversations without permission, goes to houses unannounced demanding information, keeps detailed files of "sins", even sins repented of and long forgiven, this would not be out of the realm of possibilities, sadly. 

I ran across another N. Korea story on CNN this weekend in the midst of this series - how timely.  CNN covered a story of someone who defected from N. Korea and left his wife and 2 daughters behind.  This part especially struck me:

Oh, a native of South Korea, moved his family to Pyongyang in 1985 despite his wife's reservations on the promise of a good job and free medical treatment for his wife's hepatitis, but when they arrived he realized he had been tricked.

He says there was not a job nor medical help for his wife, just three months of what he calls, "lectures from day to night on North Korea ideology, history and brainwashing." He was then forced to work in a radio station broadcasting propaganda.

There's that brainwashing thing again.  That's what it felt like for me.

My 25-yr old daughter, Hannah, who is also being sued for defamation along with Meaghan and me, discusses this in her Google review.  I'd have to look up which words/phrases are actually part of the defamation lawsuit, but here is her reaction to the repetitious sermons that she posted on the original Google review and might very well be in the lawsuit:

The entire time I was there, we never got off of Romans 12 (over a year).  I now think Chuck thought we were too stupid to grasp his "deep" concepts and so felt he had to hammer it in repeatedly week after week, and/or he likes to hear himself talk.  

And here is also Hannah's response to my recent blog posts:

HannahJune 11, 2012 8:02 PM

So the last three posts pretty typical of his sermons from what I remember from personal experience, except that you would need to have at least 50 minutes of verbal oration and add only maybe 10 minutes of new material, which is in essence only delving into literally the three next words in the same sentence of the half a verse we've been "exploring" for the last 8 weeks.

Hannah remembers it as I do.  She was at the church for a little over a year and moved out of our home and 45 minutes away because she couldn't handle this church and didn't want to get sucked into it again.  We stayed a little over 2 years and by the time we left, we had only progressed to Romans 13:6-7.   So for the 2 years and 2 months we were there, we covered Romans 12 through Romans 13:7.  As I took good notes and checked the sermons noting key phrases were reused but in different order for the first 45-50 minutes of the sermon and then we'd hear fresh material for the remaining 10-15 minutes.  Hannah's assessment above is correct.  My time would have been better served by reading the Bible on my own in the parking lot and then coming into the sanctuary 10 minutes before the end of the service to hear the new mini-sermon. 

I brought these issues up to the pastor during our final meetings because the sheep were obviously disgruntled and crying out for food.  They did the best they could do to communicate this, but it fell on deaf ears.  Why did the crying sheep not matter?  Why did this relentless, authoritarian, repetitious loud preaching continue despite the cries of the people?   What kind of pastor ignores pleas from his congregants and plows ahead with his own agenda?  What purpose did this serve?  Who was this benefiting?

I look back on the wasted time, think of what it did to me spiritually.  I kind of wish I would have had the guts to do this during Sunday sermons:

Julie Anne's knitting

I always have a pile of UFO (unfinished objects) knitting projects that need to be worked on.  I imagine they all would have been done if I used my time more productively.  What a shame, because not much positive came out of that time.

I leave you with this comment from David Johnson that came through just as I posted this.  It ties in beautifully because repetitious sermons as we endured can cause one to be spiritually weak and their growth to be stunted. 

David JohnsonJune 12, 2012 9:48 AM

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

As I’ve been mulling over Mark 9:42, and how these words of Jesus may actually relate to Pastor Chuck, I’m reminded of what was said elsewhere concerning Mr O’Neal, How Chuck had better hope the Judge don’t get all Biblical on his butt, 'cause the Judgement, just might include a Millstone and a Boat Trip!

“And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, to fall into sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”

These ‘little ones’ refers to both children and those who are weak in the faith. On reading some of the comments on this situation at www.rawstory.com (where I, personally, found out about this madness a month ago) I read the words of many who appear either weak in the faith or possessing no faith at all being adversely affected by Chucks actions in ways that either cause them to stumble, or, more often, embolden them even deeper in their rebellion against the God who Chuck professes to be an Ambassador of.

Authoritarianism in the Church

Candidacy for Spiritual Abuse: Don’t Develop Your Independent Thinking Skills

 

In my family's personal story at BGBC, after the abrupt firing of a staff employee, the pastor had a church meeting and mentioned that if anyone had questions, he and the elders would be available to answer questions.  My husband and I set an appointment because we had huge concerns with the handling of that firing and other issues.  We had 11 hours worth of meetings that week.  Tough questions were asked.   Some of the questions were regarding the firing of the staff employee, but there were other questions as well.  

A few days after those meetings, we were told we were no longer welcome at BGBC.  Not only that, it was brought to our attention that the church body was told that we were in church discipline and they were not have no contact with us whatsoever.  (See member Stephanie's review where she publicly posts that we are currently in church discipline.)  When I later saw members at Costco and a grocery store parking lot, they turned the other way and even sped away in their vehicle.  I tried calling someone and they said they couldn't talk and hung up.  Several years of relationships - relationships I had with fellow moms were abruptly stopped.  Relationships my children had with other children ended - some that had several years of history prior to coming to this church - all down the drain. My daughter was in the midst of a high school biology class that met in our home with the child of a member.  That particular high school child was not allowed to continue the class and my daughter was left to continue her biology schoolwork by herself.    

There was no love demonstrated here.  It seemed like a clear attempt by the pastor to control information to protect his image.  He knew that the information that we had about him was a threat to his position because we had witnesses.   In order to keep things under wraps, he was forced to fabricate a lie that we were under church discipline.  Sadly, the sheep submitted to his orders of shunning.  Most likely they submitted so they wouldn't have to endure the shunning treatment that they had seen so many other families endure.  

This is a great article on authoritarianism in the church by Wayne Burleson.  

 

Here is an excerpt:

How does one know if the Christian community or church to which he or she belongs is following Christ's teachings on leadership or is a reflection of the pagan's understanding of authority? What are the signs imperial authoritarianism in the church? The following are ten indicators:

(1). There is never any freedom to question the leader.
(2). The leader often makes claims of having special insights from God, insights that the laity are unable to possess.
(3). Disagreement with the leader is deemed a sign of the devil's influence in one's life.
(4). Events are designed to bring attention and praise to the leader rather than equipping others to do the work of the ministry.
(5). Any concept of equality is immediately labeled rebellion or the end result of a "liberal" denial of the Bible.
(6) Authoritarian leaders are only comfortable around like-minded leaders; thus, there is an unofficial 'speaking tour' where only imperial, authoritarian leaders share the platform with each other.
(7). The measure of success becomes the number of people who follow the leader ("It must be of God! Look at how many come to hear me speak!")
(8). If a person leaves the community or church, the problem is always in the person who leaves, not the leadership.
(9). Leaders who wrongly perceive themselves as those "with authority" insulate their lives by demanding absolute loyalty through giving large financial benefits to their closest 'advisors.'
(10). The ultimate end of this kind of Christian leadership is always more; more money, more power, more followers, more publicity, more, more, more...