Godly Pastor? What Does That Mean?

I looked up "godly" on public domain images and this image showed up in my search - lol!

I copied this May 31 comment into my file of "draft" posts.  For some reason, it was overlooked in the comments section on a busy post day, but I took note of it because this reader really wanted this answered: 

AnonymousMay 31, 2012 12:33 PM

Just so you know, I have asked this out of a place of pain and confusion.

"Please help, Hebrew/Greek language scholars:  Chuck's supporters keep describing him as "Godly". In your opinions, what does "Godly" mean from a Biblical perspective? Do Chuck's actions as described in this blog and by reviewers who have first hand experience with him fit the meaning of "Godly"? Because if Chuck O'Neal is biblically Godly then I really don't think I understand who God is."

If all I can expect here is snippy replies, then you can continue on with your intellectualizing, and scholarship and forget about this being a place to heal.

Can we discuss this, please?  What does "godly" mean from a Biblical perspective?  Do any verses come to mind?  In the comment, we can clearly see how the reader associates the pastor with God.  That is so true.  I've shared this before - because of abandonment/abuse issues with my biological and adopted fathers, I often have difficulties trusting people in authority.  I have to remind myself that So-and-So is not my father, he will not abandon me.  A pastor is a type of father figure and of course God is a father figure.  

I'm sad that this comment got lost in the shuffle and I didn't post this comment earlier because it is such an important question and obviously this person was struggling with this issue.  I hope he/she reads the responses.

I'll start with a few verses from 1 Timothy 3:1-7:

1  The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.

2    Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,  3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

4   He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,  5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?

6   He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.

7   Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. 

The Fingerprints of a False Teacher

During the week the media found out about my lawsuit, I got an e-mail from Ken Garrett who is a pastor of a church in Portland, OR (about 20 minutes away from my former church).  Ken pastors a church named, Portland Grace Bible Church.  My former church also is Grace Bible Church, but with a different city and because of the similarity in names, Ken was the recipient of quite a few "nasty/scolding" e-mails and phone calls from people mistakenly trying to contact my former pastor/church about their disappointment in the lawsuit.  The plus side of this story is that Ken's church website got quite a few hits :) 

Ironically,  Ken expressed in his e-mail to me that he and his family had also experienced spiritual abuse in the past and identified with what we have gone through.  We've spoken by phone and exchanged stories.   Ken understands spiritual abuse and it has left a mark on him; consequently, he has studied quite a bit about false teachers and wrote about the topic on his personal blog:  Downtown Pastor.

Last week, we were discussing if church is safe anymore here.  Pastor Ken's writing on this subject is a great follow-up to that topic.  

To Pastor Ken:  Thank you, Ken, first of all for your great sense of humor with the church mix-up, but also for sharing part of your painful past with me and giving me permission to share your work with my readers.  It is so good and helpful.  I know your heart and appreciate your friendship.   I especially appreciate that you,  as a pastor, can identify with so many who post here.  One of the most difficult things that I have run into is pastors who simply do not get it.  They seem to say, "just move on", "put it behind you" without realizing there is a process of recovery.  By telling a survivor to "move on",  they too are inflicting more pain on these wounded hearts.  I haven't witnessed that in you at all.   So, thank you!  And I do hope to meet you and your wife in person soon.  Maybe next month around the hearing date?  We'll be in touch.

One more thought to my readers - I hope that while you read this, that you will consider this is written by a pastor who has suffered abuse just as we have.  That through his spiritual abuse, he has sought answers from the Bible - to learn for himself, and also to share with others so they won't have to go through the same pain.  He has told me that spiritual abuse has shaped his life in how he pastors.  I know that there are more "Pastor Kens" out there, ones who will not minimize our experiences, but will attempt to reflect Christ in how they shepherd us.  He is always welcome here on my blog.  And I hope other pastors will reach out here as well to extend encouragement and support.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jude 1-4:  The Fingerprints of a False Teacher
by Pastor Ken Garrett

What is a false teacher?  Can you evaluate, and approve, a so-called Christian church or ministry simply on the basis of their doctrinal statement?  The book of Jude provides some timeless insight into the character and methods of those leaders who either arise from within Christian organizations and churches or enter them for the purpose of personal gain and self-indulgence, rather than faithful service to the Church of Jesus.

Abusive churches are the result of abusive leaders—I’ve never found an exception to that.  I was driven to study the book only after a very long and painful exodus from an abusive “Bible” church, many years ago.  It didn’t take many years in the ministry for me to realize how very many brothers and sisters in Christ are out there, living in or having survived painful experiences in their churches.  Of course, not all painful church experiences are indicative of an abusive leader.  But if you read the book of Jude, honestly, and the shoe fits, perhaps you are, or have been, under the influence of such a person.  If so, I hope these little studies encourage you, and lead you closer to the Senior Pastor and Shepherd of all, our magnificent King, Jesus Christ! 

1 Jude, a bond-servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, To those who are the called, beloved in God the Father, and kept for Jesus Christ: 2 May mercy and peace and love be multiplied to you. 3 Beloved, while I was making every effort to write you about our common salvation, I felt the necessity to write to you appealing that you contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints.

Verses 1-3 provide the introductory material for the letter.  Jude, a biological brother of the Lord Jesus, was going to write a letter of general encouragement for Christians, but then became aware that false teachers had made an entrance into the church (or churches) that he wrote to.  The presence of such men (who probably would have functioned as pastors or itinerant evangelists and prophets) prompted Jude to immediately change his purpose in writing.  Verse four answers the basic question, what are some of the foundational qualities of these persons?  He’ll develop his exposure of these qualities in the following verses of the letter. 

4 For certain persons have crept in unnoticed, those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation, ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Jude lists four key ingredients to the ministry of a false teacher.


1.         They enter the ministry quietly and inconspicuously.

"For certain persons have crept in unnoticed… "

These teachers don’t show up at the door of the church with a name tag that says, “Hello, my name is…and I’m going to ruin your life through my false teaching.”  Jude tells us that they show up very quietly.  Their entrance into the lives of those they would lead is very low-key, and is not generally a very noticeable event.  False teachers require time to accomplish their agendas, in order to win loyalty and credibility in the church, so they don’t usually make a big splash when they show up on the scene.  Often, it is very difficult to discern when a false teacher’s ministry started spiraling downward, the descent happens so subtly, and often secret sins were successfully hidden for years before they were unleashed on the church.  Also, it is not uncommon for those trapped in the ministry of a false teacher to cloak the abusive and defective character of their leader in their interactions with those outside of their churches and organizations.  They are subtly taught to protect the shortcomings of their leaders through denial and deceit in their conversations with others, thus setting the stage for their leader to “creep unnoticed” into the lives of others who visit the church. 


2.         They are already known to God as false teachers.  

“…those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation…” 

Although they might shock or surprise those whom they lead, they are not pulling anything over on God!  This is important for those leaving the ministries of such men to remember, for the first question a person has when they are delivered from such a person is, “How in the world did this happen?!  Where were you, God?!”  It’s not possible to say why God allows people to be hurt in His church, certainly it’s an inscrutable mixture of the depravity of the leaders, the gullibility and vulnerability of those they lead, and the providential work of God—a mix that I am unable to adequately separate to this day!  However, in the effort of recognizing the false teacher, it is important to establish from the start that our most reliable information will come from an authoritative, inspired source, the Word of God.  The line of corrupting, false prophets found in the Old Testament (i.e., Ezekiel 34) continues in Scripture to become the false teachers written of in the New Testament (i.e., Acts 20:28-30, 1 and 2 Timothy, 1 John 2:18, 2 Peter 2:1ff).  I guess the most personal application of this point to me was when I realized that these teachers are not confined to the pages of the Bible, as if they no longer manifested the same attitudes and behaviors as those described in Scripture…no, they’re alive and well, and walking the earth today. 


3.         They have neither fear of God nor respect for His grace.

“…ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness…” 

They are ungodly—they have no concern for Him, let alone a sense of awe or fear of Him.  And grace itself is not a motivation to obedience and gratitude to these men (and women), but a “free pass” to indulge their personal wants and desires.  However, they rarely apply the same standard of “grace behavior” to those who disappoint or threaten them as they reserve for themselves.  The practical application of God’s grace in their lives is opposite that of the intended effect of grace described in the Bible, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Titus 2.11-12).  In the ministries of false teachers grace may be spoken of, but more often as a salve of the conscience than a motivation to obedient living.


4.         They reject the authority of Jesus Christ.

“…and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.” 

False teachers have a very particular, observable struggle with authority, particularly that of the Lord Jesus.  Now, this doesn’t present itself in heretical statements about Jesus—that would be very, very foolish on the part of the false teacher.  (Many of the ministries of false teachers hold doctrinal statements that rival the most conservative, orthodox seminaries and denominations, and their followers are well-taught in the basic doctrines of Christianity.)  Their denial of His authority is expressed in a persistent, unrepentant state of living—continuing in various forms of sin and abuse without true confession and repentance.  That’s why many false teachers don’t get out much, and seem to fly under the radar of their local religious communities—the rules, customs, and laws of the communities they live in get in the way of the appearance of authority and command they
feverishly toil to maintain in the eyes of their followers.  It’s hard on them to one minute demand and receive the respect, obedience, trust, (and yes, money) of their followers, and the next to have to stand in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles along with all of the regular, common folk of their communities.  But the taproot of their struggle with authority is a persistent, unrepentant denial of the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ, as evidenced in their refusal to live humble, obedient, servant-oriented lives before His flock.  And, as all false teachers will learn one Day in the heat of judgment, it is His flock, not theirs.

Survival Strategies for Hyper-Authoritarian and Repetitive Sermons

I'm a little bit surprised if you are still reading my blog.   The last three posts were rigged to make a point and I took you on a ride without your permission so you could understand first-hand what it felt like.  I tricked you and purposefully kept the majority of the post the same, but altered bits and pieces to make you think I was giving you a brand new post.  The last post, I again interspersed the same message, but this time with growing feelings of exasperation and anger.   I'm still trying to wrap my head around the thought that a pastor knowingly did this week after week after week after week . . . okay, I'll stop :)

I know how I felt with those repetitious sermons.  I felt like they were wasting my time, that he wanted to pound his message into my head, that it was a form of indoctrination.  They were loud, felt strong, and sounded like hyper-authoritative lectures.    I hope you were able to sense my rising emotions as I continued each post.  

For the record, I normally only use the word "suck" as in,  "my little boy likes to suck his thumb", not the way in which I used it on the previous title, "All Smoothies are Good, Sermons Suck."  In fact, every time I see the title, I cringe because that is not how I speak normally.   But it was used because it expresses how one may respond when dealing with something like this.  Anger rose up from within me screaming:  STOP THIS INSANITY!  It's interesting as I type these blog posts, I often emotionally connect to those times from years ago and the feelings come flooding back. 

 I know many congregants were annoyed with the repetitious sermons, while others sat and endured it quietly.  We all react differently.  Some people zoned out and their minds drifted.  Others used the time to get some business done.  Here are some ways people zoned or preoccupied their mind so they didn't have to listen to the repetitious sermons.  It was easy for me to see what was going on when walking out of the sanctuary to check on my little one in the nursery or to use the restroom.

Some people worked on their checkbooks.

Quite a few kids drew pictures.  I remember seeing some fantastic sailing ships with men and their weapons  (hmm, the thought that the drawings related to war so often never dawned on me before typing this).

Grocery lists:  this was a popular way to bide the time

Another popular response as I briefly alluded to above was to leave the sanctuary and go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, check the nursery to see how the kids were doing, go outside the check the weather, etc.   

It occurred to me that I may have just "outed" these "mental escape" methods to the pastor because I know he and his "spies" read this blog.  Perhaps there will be a meeting soon to recruit spies to report this activity to the pastor - or install hidden cameras, or who knows what else.  When you are dealing with someone who secretly records conversations without permission, goes to houses unannounced demanding information, keeps detailed files of "sins", even sins repented of and long forgiven, this would not be out of the realm of possibilities, sadly. 

I ran across another N. Korea story on CNN this weekend in the midst of this series - how timely.  CNN covered a story of someone who defected from N. Korea and left his wife and 2 daughters behind.  This part especially struck me:

Oh, a native of South Korea, moved his family to Pyongyang in 1985 despite his wife's reservations on the promise of a good job and free medical treatment for his wife's hepatitis, but when they arrived he realized he had been tricked.

He says there was not a job nor medical help for his wife, just three months of what he calls, "lectures from day to night on North Korea ideology, history and brainwashing." He was then forced to work in a radio station broadcasting propaganda.

There's that brainwashing thing again.  That's what it felt like for me.

My 25-yr old daughter, Hannah, who is also being sued for defamation along with Meaghan and me, discusses this in her Google review.  I'd have to look up which words/phrases are actually part of the defamation lawsuit, but here is her reaction to the repetitious sermons that she posted on the original Google review and might very well be in the lawsuit:

The entire time I was there, we never got off of Romans 12 (over a year).  I now think Chuck thought we were too stupid to grasp his "deep" concepts and so felt he had to hammer it in repeatedly week after week, and/or he likes to hear himself talk.  

And here is also Hannah's response to my recent blog posts:

HannahJune 11, 2012 8:02 PM

So the last three posts pretty typical of his sermons from what I remember from personal experience, except that you would need to have at least 50 minutes of verbal oration and add only maybe 10 minutes of new material, which is in essence only delving into literally the three next words in the same sentence of the half a verse we've been "exploring" for the last 8 weeks.

Hannah remembers it as I do.  She was at the church for a little over a year and moved out of our home and 45 minutes away because she couldn't handle this church and didn't want to get sucked into it again.  We stayed a little over 2 years and by the time we left, we had only progressed to Romans 13:6-7.   So for the 2 years and 2 months we were there, we covered Romans 12 through Romans 13:7.  As I took good notes and checked the sermons noting key phrases were reused but in different order for the first 45-50 minutes of the sermon and then we'd hear fresh material for the remaining 10-15 minutes.  Hannah's assessment above is correct.  My time would have been better served by reading the Bible on my own in the parking lot and then coming into the sanctuary 10 minutes before the end of the service to hear the new mini-sermon. 

I brought these issues up to the pastor during our final meetings because the sheep were obviously disgruntled and crying out for food.  They did the best they could do to communicate this, but it fell on deaf ears.  Why did the crying sheep not matter?  Why did this relentless, authoritarian, repetitious loud preaching continue despite the cries of the people?   What kind of pastor ignores pleas from his congregants and plows ahead with his own agenda?  What purpose did this serve?  Who was this benefiting?

I look back on the wasted time, think of what it did to me spiritually.  I kind of wish I would have had the guts to do this during Sunday sermons:

Julie Anne's knitting

I always have a pile of UFO (unfinished objects) knitting projects that need to be worked on.  I imagine they all would have been done if I used my time more productively.  What a shame, because not much positive came out of that time.

I leave you with this comment from David Johnson that came through just as I posted this.  It ties in beautifully because repetitious sermons as we endured can cause one to be spiritually weak and their growth to be stunted. 

David JohnsonJune 12, 2012 9:48 AM

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

As I’ve been mulling over Mark 9:42, and how these words of Jesus may actually relate to Pastor Chuck, I’m reminded of what was said elsewhere concerning Mr O’Neal, How Chuck had better hope the Judge don’t get all Biblical on his butt, 'cause the Judgement, just might include a Millstone and a Boat Trip!

“And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, to fall into sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”

These ‘little ones’ refers to both children and those who are weak in the faith. On reading some of the comments on this situation at www.rawstory.com (where I, personally, found out about this madness a month ago) I read the words of many who appear either weak in the faith or possessing no faith at all being adversely affected by Chucks actions in ways that either cause them to stumble, or, more often, embolden them even deeper in their rebellion against the God who Chuck professes to be an Ambassador of.

All Smoothies are Good, Sermons Suck

Admin note:  This is part of a series of posts that are a bit, well, unconventional.  To fully grasp the message and emotions of the series,  please be sure to read from the beginning:  It's the Same Message No Matter How you Mix it!. 



We like a lot of smoothies in our home.  Here's a protein smoothie recipe I'd like to try:

Power Protein Smoothie

• 2 cups mixed berries, (fresh or frozen)
• 1 cup silken tofu
• 1/4 cup pomegranate juice
• 2 to 3 tablespoons honey
• 2 tablespoons ground flaxseed
• 1 teaspoon finely grated peeled ginger

I also enjoy making the kids smoothies and use various fruit depending on what is available.  Here are some ideas to try:  pineapple, mango, banana, and orange.

I could change things around and put these fruit in a smoothie:  mango, pineapple, orange, and banana.   After two days of seeing these fruit, it's looking very unappealing to me, no matter how healthy it is.  Too much of a good thing sometimes becomes a bad thing.

Or this combination, too, works well:  orange, banana, pineapple, and mango.   Someone asked, 'can one have "too much Bible"'?  Well, if the same one phrase is repeated, peated, and repeated, sermon after sermon, yes, it can be too much, because it's not presented in context, it's sandwiched in personal stories, not in the way God intended it as the full counsel of God.

“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.

 Luke 6:43

Or I might put these fruit in a smoothie:  banana, orange, mango, and pineapple.   Verses that once were beautiful, meaningful, have become trampled upon, created into dumb little jingles in our minds, not respected verses. 

How will Smoothie 1 vary in taste from Smoothie 2?  How about the taste of Smoothie 3 and Smoothie 4?    What will they taste like?  Will they differ?   The phrases, repeated the way we have heard them then become negative and rote.  When we read them outside of church, we hear them in his voice, we remember his voice inflections, his examples and stories that sometimes have nothing to do with the context.  Good fruit?  I'm not so sure.

We are taken on a ride each time we sit in church listening to him tear apart a verse or sometimes only a few words of a phrase.  I am saddened that the precious words of God became disgusting to me based on the way they were presented over and over and over again. 

At church, I became aware that many people were tiring of the very repetitious repetitious repetitious sermons, week after week, week after week, month after month and month.  I encouraged them to tell the pastor, that it wouldn't do any good to tell me about it (although I personally did have the same issue and was going so crazy that I wanted to scream).   

In a healthy church, a pastor's words encourage spiritual growth and maturity, creating and environment that fostered a love for His Word.  This type of preaching had the opposite effect on me.  It made me turn away from His Word and Him.

This was like an anti-shepherd, not a real shepherd.

Anti =  opposed to, against, preventing, reversing or undoing, the opposite of

Yes this word accurately describes what I felt we had:  an anti-shepherd, not a true shepherd. 

“Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of My pasture!” says the Lord.  Therefore thus says the Lord God of Israel against the shepherds who feed My people: “You have scattered My flock, driven them away, and not attended to them. Behold, I will attend to you for the evil of your doings,” says the Lord.

Jeremiah 23:1-2

 

Admin note:  For your sanity and mine, I will no longer "repeat" this message that I hope you got "loud and clear". 

Mixing Up the Message Yields the Same Results

We have a Vitamix blender.  It is no wussy, weak, machine.  This is a manly machine.  It is probably our most-used kitchen appliance.  The one shown in the picture below is 12+ years old.  It is used many times a day.

I like to make smoothies.  Here's a recipe I want to try:

• 1 cup almond milk
• 1/2 cup rolled oats
• 1 frozen overripe banana, broken into chunks
• 14 frozen strawberries
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
• 1-1/2 tsp flax seed

I also enjoy making the kids smoothies and use various fruit depending on what is available.  Here are some ideas to try:  pineapple, mango, banana, and orange.

I could change things around and put these fruit in a smoothie:  mango, pineapple, orange, and banana.

Or this combination, too, works well:  orange, banana, pineapple, and mango.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Galations 5:22-23

Or I might put these fruit in a smoothie:  banana, orange, mango, and pineapple.

How will Smoothie 1 vary in taste from Smoothie 2?  How about the taste of Smoothie 3 and Smoothie 4?    What will they taste like?  Will they differ? 

The pastor's family had recently purchased a Vitamix and I know from talking with his wife, they really enjoyed it.  We had been using our Vitamix for years, so they were speaking our language.  I remember sharing my favorite ways of using our Vitamix with her.

At church, I became aware that many people were tiring of the very repetitious repetitious repetitious sermons, week after week, week after week, month after month and month.  I encouraged them to tell the pastor, that it wouldn't do any good to tell me about it (although I personally did have the same issue and was going so crazy that I wanted to scream).   

After hearing that others had brought this subject to their attention time and again and again, I used this Vitamix illustration in a meeting with the pastor and elders.  It seemed apparent that either the pastor did not get the message, ignored the message, chose to disregard the message, did not like the message, or did not want to hear the message from others, so I attempted to speak in a fruity language in hopes that he would finally *get it*. 

I told him that if someone was to take Fruit D, Fruit C, Fruit B, and Fruit
A, mix it up in the Vitamix and pour it out, it will taste the same if you switched around the order and used Fruit C, Fruit, B, Fruit A , and Fruit D.   I explained that people were going crazy with the repetitious sermons that go on and on and on and on with little new material and so on.  We were going bored out of our brains.  We needed more fruit, not the disgusting fruit mixed up again and again.  It was rotten, stinking rotten.

For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped from those who live in error. 
2 Peter 2:18

 

 . . . . to be continued

It's the Same Message No Matter How you Mix it!

 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.   You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?   Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.   A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.   Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

Matthew 7:15-20 

 

 

We have a Vitamix blender.  It is probably our most-used kitchen appliance.  The one shown in the picture below is 12+ years old.  It is well-loved and well-used sometimes multiple times a day. 

Every morning, I make myself a breakfast "smoothie":  1/2 cup old fashioned oats, 1 frozen overripe banana (for sweetness), a spoonful of flax seeds, 1 cup of almond milk, and 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa.  After I mix all of the above on high, and then a small handful of raw almonds and blend on low for a bit.  I love having crunchy almonds in every bite.  (That's a Julie Anne original recipe - enjoy!)  I love it and miss it whenever I am away from home. 

I also enjoy making the kids smoothies and use various fruit depending on what is available.  I might put these fruit in a smoothie:  pineapple, mango, banana, and orange.

Or I might put these fruit in a smoothie:  banana, orange, mango, and pineapple.

I could change things around and put these fruit in a smoothie:  mango, pineapple, orange, and banana.

Or this combination, too, works well:  orange, banana, pineapple, and mango.

How will Smoothie 1 vary in taste from Smoothie 2?  How about the taste of Smoothie 3 and Smoothie 4?    Will they vary in taste or be the same?  Yes, I think you are probably getting it by now.

The pastor's family had recently purchased a Vitamix and I know from talking with his wife, that they were thrilled with using it and the health benefits from drinking smoothies.  We had been using our Vitamix for years, so they were speaking our language.  I remember sharing my favorite ways of using our Vitamix with her.

At church, I became aware that many people were tiring of the very repetitious sermons, week after week, month after month.  I encouraged them to tell the pastor, that it wouldn't do any good to tell me about it (although I personally did have the same issue).   

After hearing that others had brought this subject to their attention time and again, I used this Vitamix illustration in a meeting with the pastor and elders.  It seemed apparent that either the pastor did not get the message or did not want to get the message from others, so I attempted to speak in a language that might make a clear connection. 

I told him that if someone was to take Fruit A, Fruit B, Fruit C, and Fruit D, mix it up in the Vitamix and pour it out, it will taste the same if you switched around the order and used Fruit D, Fruit, C, Fruit B, and Fruit A.   I explained that people were going crazy with the repetitious sermons (that typically lasted one hour).  We needed more fruit, not the same fruit mixed up again and again.

 

Note:  If Vitamix Corporation likes this free advertisement for them and would like to upgrade the Smith family's Vitamix, please contact Julie Anne here:  bgbcsurvivors @ gmail dot com :)

 . . . . to be continued

Nurturing Your First Love

Some people don't have a problem picking up the pieces regarding their relationship with Christ after an abusive church experience.  They are able to carry on just as normal.   That is wonderful!  Others, like me, may have trust and abandonment issues that come into play which may make it difficult to pray, to read the Bible, to sing Christian songs, to venture into a church, to talk with other Believers, to celebrate religious holidays, etc.  Some of those activities might set someone who was spiritually abused down an emotional spiral leading to depression, flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks, even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Yes, for some it truly is that bad.   These lasting emotional effects of the abuse may be robbing us of our first love:  Christ.

Today, I want to focus on getting back to our first love:  finding our way back to Christ after abuse.

Sometimes there are reminders that set me off and make me want to turn away from Him, however there are things that have helped me.  I'll share a couple ideas that have worked for me and another one from a reader's comment.

I used to play the piano and sing for the praise and worship part of the service at our former church and actually, I think that is what saved my sanity while there.   I disliked the sermons, but was able to focus on the music and the wonderful lyrics - especially some of the hymns with such deep lyrics:

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

There are songs that remind me of songs from the former church.  I avoid them.  It's as simple as that.

Lately, I've been having a challenge of getting some down time for myself and yesterday, I grabbed my iPhone, put on Pandora.com, tuned into my preset "Fernando Ortega" radio station and vegged for a bit.   A little later, I realized that I hadn't folded three loads of laundry, so I kept the earphones in, volume turned to LOUD, and also sang loudly as I folded the clothes.  Wow, why don't I do that more often?  That personal praise and worship time was sweet and refreshing to my soul.

Ok, I just have to share this one with you:

In our former church, the pastor had a thing about New King James Bible.  Someone gifted our family with $$ at Christmas and I felt bad that our family only had New International Version bibles while everyone else seemed to have NKJV bibles.  We had NIV bibles and our former pastor did not care for NIV version.  I actually remembering him ridicule people who used it during mid-week service (yes, that should have been a red flag, not so much about the translation, but the ridicule).  So with that money, I bought brand new New King James Version MacArthur Study Bibles for our family.  I always appreciated the study notes, but I have to tell you, I haven't touched that Bible since we left the church.  With our move last summer, I don't even know where it is.  

But one thing I did do was buy a new Bible.   My new Bible is neither NIV nor NKJV.   It's a whole other translation I've never used before and I absolutely love it.  It's like reading the Bible in a new way.  I had memorized a lot in NIV, but now the new version is fresh, just slightly different wording that causes me to read more slowly and digest the meaning more carefully.  Because I had used NIV for so many years, I can sometimes read the new version and at the same time remember the alternate word that the NIV uses so I have this parallel thing going on in my mind which I find pretty cool!

I know of others who have replaced their Bibles.  They may not have changed translations like I did, but just to change to a new Bible, get a new start with clean, unmarked pages, can be refreshing.  Seeing your notes from pastors' sermons along the margins, words underlined that the pastor emphasized, very well-warn pages where the former pastor spent so much time in one place, can be more negative distractions (or even missing sections of scripture because of not going moving out of a chapter for 2 yrs!!!).  Do what you need to do to remove the negative distractions! 

Carol mentioned getting out in nature - a change of scenery:  "How about a solitary trip to a place you love (a mountain, a stream, a meadow, a lake, etc.) for the sole purpose of spending time alone surrounded by... well, surrounded by whatever comes to pass."   You can't get much more basic than that - go out into God's wonderful creation so you can experience Him.  

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens
    and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the grain to grow,
    producing seed for the farmer
    and bread for the hungry.

 It is the same with my word.
    I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to,
    and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

 You will live in joy and peace.
    The mountains and hills will burst into song,
    and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

 Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.
    Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up.
These events will bring great honor to the Lord’s name;
    they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”

Isaiah 55:10-13

Do you have other ideas of how to remove/replace negative distractions and reminders?  Please share!

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I was recently informed that there is a financial need to cover legal expenses.  A number of you told me firmly to be sure to publicize this need if the situation arises.  It has.  There is a donation link in my sidebar.  Thank you so much.