Discovery Process - The Jigsaw Puzzle

Our brains are fascinating.  Without fail, every single time I listen to this song below, I am taken back to a specific time in my life.   It was 1987 and my husband was at Officer Candidate School with the Navy in Newport, Rhode Island.  We were separated for four months while he went to this officer's training school.  When he left, our firstborn (Hannah) was only 6 months old.   When she was 10 months old, I took her on a plane trip across the country to attend his graduation.  This particular song was popular and was played on the radio frequently.  It was an exciting time.  Our new life in the military was just about to begin.  Our marriage was young and my husband and I had been separated for four months and now we were together again.  It was a sweet reunion and special time together.  It still gives me chills when I hear this song even though the events happened 24 years ago.


It's amazing how our brain connects emotionally with events.

While sometimes our brain can remember every detail of events from long ago, sometimes our brain "forgets" important details.   That can be good, too.  Think of how beneficial that would be to someone who suffered an immense amount of abuse.  It might be too overwhelming emotionally.  I'm reminded of Jaycee Dugard who at the age of 11 years old was kidnapped and held captive for nearly 2 decades.   She had two children fathered by her captor.  Can you wrap your head around that?  She was later discovered and is now free and her captors are behind bars.  Thank God!  She and her children are living with her biological mother/grandmother enjoying her new life of freedom and getting reacquainted with her siblings and extended family.

Most likely Jaycee is going through a process of discovery of what really happened to her.  Of course she knows she was kidnapped and that her captor is the father of her children, but slowly, Jaycee is coming to grips of what this horrific crime did to her, what it stole from her and her children.  She lost her family, a normal life of going to school, being with friends, relationships with her siblings, parents, extended family, etc.  As she is in a healthy environment, surrounded by loved ones, her story will become more clear to her, she will be in a safe place to heal, the full story will come to realization.

This discovery process is occurring with many of us.   It's kind of like we are each putting together a big 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.  When I started this process 3+ yrs ago, I may have gotten the border of the puzzle put together, but as time goes on, I am adding piece by piece.  One day, it will be complete and I will have understanding.  Interestingly, even last week I was coming to grips with another aspect that the abuse has had on my family that I hadn't considered before!   It's crazy!   

It only confirms to me that our brain will only allow us to absorb a certain amount of pain and releases more info as we can handle it or we are reminded (by memories, people retelling their stories, songs, events, etc).   I can see how certain questions have been cleared up in my mind.

There is a group of people who left the church over 8 months ago.   They are likely to be going through this process of discovery.  They are realizing what it feels like to be shunned now and probably have a new sense of compassion for those whom they were previously shunning.  I know some are reaching out to those they once shunned and apologizing and restoring those relationships.  That is beautiful.  But there is also sadness and anger.  They are coming to grips with the years that were wasted under bad teaching, relationships that were destroyed, wondering about the effects on their children, wondering where they would be if they never had this experience.  This stuff is deep and gets heady!

In this process of discovery, we do not always have the same level of understanding as others.   We might understand some aspects of what happened, but be blinded to others.  Some of us are dealing with friends or family who don't quite see the situation the way we do.  They may minimize events or justify things they saw.  This can make it confusing, too.

At one point a friend was labeling the pastor as a "wolf" or "abusive" or "legalistic".  I thought this person was just too emotional and perhaps worked up.  As time went by, things became more clear to me,  and I, too, came to the same realizations and now fully believe we were dealing with someone who is a spiritual wolf, who used his authority inappropriately in ways I find abusive.  It was interesting to see how my perspective changed over time.

God will reveal things to us in His timing in our discovery process.  The truth will be revealed.   The pieces of the puzzle will be put in place.  Give grace to one another - we are not all at the same place.   Try not to get frustrated if someone isn't seeing things differently than you.  They may be working on a different spot on their puzzle.  It will eventually come together.