Two Important Issues for Me

There were quite a few interviews I did, KPTV, KATU, and KOIN, and at one point there were a group of reporters and I think I counted five microphones in front of me with various reporters asking questions (yikes).  This occurred during a break time at the court hearing which was much longer than we had anticipated.

I have only seen a couple of the interviews and readers have shared with me that the plaintiff's side has now addressed the media.   

There are two issues really important to me that I would like to discuss to make sure there is no confusion.  

Last night, a group of us went out to dinner and we discussed this, too.  I have spoken with many former members and one issue stands very clear:  the former members do not have animosity towards current church members or even the pastor and his family.  There is sadness, anger at what happened, but overriding those emotions, the bottom line is we have a deep love for these precious people.  This former church was our family.  I know my heart and others have expressed the same:   our heart aches for what we know is going on there and what they are experiencing.  Just as we have experienced shunning, they are too.  I'm sure it aches their hearts when they see us in town and must turn away from us, avoid all eye contact with former friends with whom they were so intimately connected.   

If anyone was in the area outside the courtroom at either hearing, they could surely feel the tension in the room, see the diverted eyes, the stone cold faces because they are shunning us.  They are convinced what they are doing right and although we don't agree with what they are doing and how they are following the pastor, we hold no ill-will towards them at all because we once were "them".   Last night we prayed for them, too.  This is about spiritual abuse which we have experienced and so many readers have and are experiencing throughout the country and world.

The other aspect that has been frustrating to me is with the media.   I can try to share what I want to share until I am blue in the face, but the media has an agenda and will only report what they want you to hear.  I have discussed spiritual abuse in every interview.

The following statement is very, very important and I don't believe people are fully comprehending it and as of yet, I haven't heard the media reporting it very clearly, or at all:

I believe the lawsuit is an extension of the spiritual abuse.  

Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority, the purpose of which is to ‘come underneath’ and serve, build, equip and make God’s people MORE free, misuses that authority placing themselves over God’s people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly Godly purposes which are really their own. –Jeff VanVonderen

When Meaghan commented on my blog using her real name, she was added to the lawsuit.   I don't know that I have discussed this publicly on my blog, but since it was mentioned in court yesterday, I will mention it here.  Another former member was also threatened with a subpoena.   This was done in error by the pastor's original attorney.  My understanding is that in an anti-SLAPP motion, no subpoenas are issued, yet paperwork was sent out in error regarding the  subpoena of a former member.  When I heard about it, I contacted the former member who was naturally quite disturbed at the whole idea.  This was a huge disruption to their family.    

We believe the lawsuits and threats of subpoenas are being used to cause fear in former members.  I believe it is being used as a clear warning to former members that if they dare to comment negatively on my blog or anywhere else on the internet, they better be ready for a lawsuit.   Although I seem to be the primary public figure in this lawsuit (because of the blog and the most complaints), it's important to remember that the pastor has sued FIVE former members and attempted to subpoena one - so SIX people in all.  The media has had little to say about the others.

Spiritual Abuse occurs when a leader, church or a belief system, whether well intentioned or not, dominates, manipulates or castigates individuals through fear tactics, mind control, or some other psychological or emotional abuse. –Spiritual Research Network

Two of the defendants were dismissed and of course the subpoena did not follow through, but please consider the intrusion in the personal lives of these families.   Think of the two defendants and the financial burden placed on them, the emotional toll, physical toll, etc.  Think of the person who was threatened with the subpoena, waiting for it to arrive, wondering what was to become of their family's finances, etc.  This is now six people.  This is wrong!  People have the right to express themselves.  They should not be living in fear about what they discuss or share with others or what they post on the internet. Living in this kind of fear of what they can or cannot say publicly or privately is an extension of the spiritual abuse - - - and it is happening to former congregants who left the church months ago and even years ago. 




* * * * Added note to regular readers:  There is definitely increased traffic on the site which also means some visitors who may not understand spiritual abuse.  You may see this in recent comments, too.   After the media rush, things will calm down again, so please be patient :)   

Court news

No real  news. The judge will mail his ruling after careful review.   So we wait.......

False Teachers Who Mark and Avoid Church Members

  I received an e-mail from a missionary today who was involved in a church whose pastor used similar tactics with church members as my former pastor.  He sent me a link to look at and I realized I could easily replace his pastor's name with my former pastor's name;  he said the same thing to me after reading some of my blog.   We need to be able to see these characteristics and get our creepo-meters engaged so we won't get caught in the trap again.

Did they all graduate from Creepy Spiritual Abuse School (CSAS)?  With so many abusive pastors using the similar tactics, it makes it seem they come from the same school.  They take advantage of people, attempt to gain control of them and their private lives, use powerful words to shame, confuse people in their faith, twist Bible verses to their advantage, belittle the sheep, tear relationships apart, etc.  The pattern is very disturbing.

This next creepy control tactic pattern to discuss is a biggie.  This is one that separates families and friends,  possibly forever.   If you haven't personally experienced this, please think about it carefully.  Imagine going to church with your best friend of 20 years.  With a 20-year history, you may have gone to each other's weddings, may have started families at the same time, gone on family outings together, shared meals and had many hours of fun, fellowship, trials, and joys.   


And then imagine, out of the blue, you are told you are no longer to have any contact or relationship with this person, in an instant, just like that.  Zilch.  NO RELATIONSHIP.  You may not call,  you may not connect via Facebook (in fact, you have to "unfriend on FB), no e-mails, etc.  All relational ties are severed immediately.  You do not even get a chance to say good-bye, it is OVER.  BAM!  DONE!  FINISHED!  This is happening all over the world in creepy abusive churches and it is done in my former church.  It is disgusting.   It is an abuse of power over church members, controlling their personal relationships and destroying them in an INSTANT.

The sheep of this pastor's church who remain are in the system pretty good by now and are convinced that this is a man of God whom God has placed over their care.  They are convinced that he has their best interest at heart, even though this "trial" is burdensome, they may be told God uses this to purify His remnant; they are being refined in this trial.  They follow without question, like good obedient sheep.  The pastor convinces them that this is for the best for you, for the other person, and for God's church.  Other scriptures are to be used to show how good it is to keep the church pure, and clear from divisive people, people with Korah-like behavior who wage war with God and His church.


Ok, sorry, my brain can't stop at this severing-relationship thing yet.  People who have been involved in your life in intimate ways for years and years have become part of your primary support system.  They know you inside and out.  They can read you like a book, tell when you are up or down with just one look.  They challenge you.  They are there for you when you are sick or when your car is broken down and you are stranded.  They are the first ones you call when tragedy strikes or when news of happiness comes your way:  a new job, new house, a new pregnancy, your child's new faith in Christ, etc.  God created these relationships and gives them to us for our pleasure.  He is the author of relationships.  Who has this right to sever relationships in such a way?

I've said it before, but after these several crazy lawsuit-filled months, I would be in the nuthouse if I did not have friends.  I've mentioned Michelle.  I have relied on her a lot because we went through this experience together.  Her husband was on staff and was fired.    They have been through much and understand what I'm going through.  When you read the pastor's "review" where he talks about Julie Anne and "those with her", Michelle is one of "those".   She has put up with my ranting, my tears, my yelling, my questioning, my crazy forgetfulness.  She has challenged me spiritually, questioned my heart motives, rebuked me in love and been a true friend to me.  I cannot fathom what my life would be like right now if someone had decided that this relationship must be severed.  Oh no. . . . I can't let my brain go there . . . . that's a scary place.


Yet look at what some CSAS graduates are doing.  They isolate people from their primary places of support, comfort, love, and friendship.  They twist Bible verses to aid in their abuse of authority and control over their congregations.


This was not in effect when we were there (at least to my knowledge).   I have heard from several people that it did indeed take place even a decade ago, but for some reason, we never saw it, heard of it.  It may have been taking place behind the scenes, we just did not know about it.


Let me explain it.  Evidently "it" can be called a number of things, but one of the common phrases I heard was, "Mark and Avoid".  Evidently, people who are divisive, in church discipline, or causing conflict in the church or with the pastor are put on the Mark and Avoid list.  The Mark and Avoid list is based on Romans 16:17.  I will post the NKJV - my former pastor's favorite version so that we can all be on the same page, his page, just in case there are current members reading this.  The King James Version uses the actual words "mark" and "avoid"..   All of the next shots are from  Romans 16:17 biblegateway.com  and easily accessible in mere seconds.  Check for yourself.

Ok, here we go.  In reading this verse, one can easily see how CSAS graduates might think this verse would be a great one to apply to people in his congregation or  :::::cough, cough ::::::: former members like me who are waging war with God, with His Church, with mothers and their children.  Or perhaps it could be used with people currently in the church who might have questions that the pastor feels are threatening or divisive.  Regardless, this is a powerful verse.  What does it say we are to do with divisive people?  Yes, avoid them.  Ouch!  Many pastors are saying we need to be marking and avoiding divisive people.  




But digging a little deeper and looking at references for this verse, we can see the following topics are discussed.  Take special note of "8749 false teachers" and "8750 false teachings":

I don't see anything about church members there, do you?  And here we read more about false teachers/teachings:

Here is more reference to this verse with the original intent:  false teachers.

False teachers?  Or divisive congregants?  It seems pretty clear from the above that this verse is about false teachers.   


Commentary and more commentary shows once again that this verse is not about divisive church members, but divisive false teachers.  


I have been told by multiple sources that my former pastor used this particular verse to justify shunning people. Not only that, he had a Mark and Avoid list.  Because I think it is one of the most destructive aspects of an abusive church, it is important to discuss here.  


A quick side note, if you do a quick Google search on "Mark and Avoid", you can see the top entries have to do with the group some say is a cult, The Way International, because they use the Mark and Avoid practice.   The Poisoning of Families article was one of the top entries on my search and discusses how The Way International marked and avoided people:

“MARK AND AVOID” 

The Way’s current practice of “purge, mark and avoid” (which are Way terms) is another means The Way uses to put wedges between children and a parent who is no longer in The Way. The Way has taken great pains in the last 10 years to “purge” its ranks of those who do not give Way leadership their complete allegiance and obedience. Confrontation of followers considered to be weak or in error often includes verbal abuse. This aggressive confrontation has been strongly promoted in leader training, Sunday services and The Way Magazine, which is distributed to all of its followers.

However, when followers do not immediately obey leaders and respond to every one of their demands, leaders “mark and avoid” them. In other words, leaders tell them to stay away from all Way activities, and tell all “faithful” followers to have nothing to do with them — not even to speak to them. Therefore, the ex-spouse avoids the non-Way parent as much as possible and teaches the children to do the same. The Way pressures children to choose obedience to Way leadership (which to them is obeying God Himself) rather than (not in addition to) developing a relationship with the non-Way parent. “M & A” is often a factor causing divorce between spouses, and becomes a factor in children “divorcing” the non-Way parent.

The Smith, Miller, and Varela families have been on this Mark and Avoid list for a long time.  We didn't know we were on the list, but were told by those who  left the church after us.  None of us has ever been in any kind of church discipline process (we've read the church by-laws on church discipline - that process was never executed).  We've only heard by word of mouth or publicly on Google reviews that we are in church discipline.   Isn't it interesting that we were in church discipline weeks after we left the church without being notified by the pastor or elders?  


When do you suppose this Mark and Avoid list is read to church members?  Multiple sources have confirmed that this list has been read at Communion services.  The list was read as a reminder for everyone to remember exactly who was on the M&A list and to avoid them.  Can you imagine this list being read at Communion - at a time where we reflect on Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection for us?  What is this insanity?


The M&A list is a list of people in "church discipline" or who left the church unfavorably (which is pretty much everybody unless your job moved you out of the area).  What it means is that you (congregant) must never associate, communicate with anyone on the M&A list.  You must "unfriend" from Facebook anyone who is on the M&A list, never telephone, e-mail, or make any contact whatsoever.  Guess what happens if you are caught communicating with someone on the M&A list?  Yup - your name will be added.  Guess what happens if you talk to the person who was just added to the M&A list?  You got it!


Now here is where the rubber meets the road.  Let's say you have a wayward adult child.  Let's say your wayward adult child does not repent of his/her ways.  This adult child is added to the M&A list after being confronted with sins.  If you are the parent of this adult child, you are not allowed to communicate with your adult child after being placed on the M&A list.  The siblings are not allowed to associate with this child.   Not only that, members of family outside the church are also told to not associate with them as well.  


So basically, the wayward adult child is abandoned, thrown to the outside world, never allowed to have any relationship with parents/siblings who love and adore them, who could encourage, guide, and show unconditional love.   This adult child now has no contact with anyone in the church and very few relationships outside the church (remember this church keeps you so busy that there is very little time for any outside relationships).  Is that love?   How can love be demonstrated to this person when relationships are cut off?


Surely God is not happy with using His Holy Word in such a manipulative fashion to destroy precious lives and relationships.  This only serves the pastor who is in control.  There is no love here.  There is a place where people are shunned and the stories I describe do not cut it.  I have waited a long time to post this story and I am fired up about it.  This is wrong.  This is not only happening in our former church, but all over the world as my e-mails attest.


I would like to address this part to people who are currently in a church as I have described  - where a pastor is twisting scripture and tearing relationships from you.  Please read the verse again.  The first time, we looked through the eyes of a controlling pastor who is assuming that those who cause divisions are people from within the church or perhaps outside the church.  This time, let's look at the verse in the context of false teachers, not divisive church members or former members.

What are we supposed to do with false teachers?  Avoid them.  

Friends, do  you see what I see?  The Mark and Avoid list with church members listed is a fraud, a hoax, it is invalid.  It is a tool used by pastors who abuse their authority to control.  Church members and former members do not belong on this list; false teachers belong on the Mark and Avoid list!!!

If your pastor is using this verse and has a Mark and Avoid list to validate shunning in your church, your pastor is twisting scripture.  What else is he twisting?  Please leave that church at once.  You are being deceived.  Take your family someplace else and do not look back.

Do you know of a pastor whose name should be listed here?   

Pre-Court Stuff

I'm in the middle of working on a post and perhaps because of the topic of the post, I'm getting a bit worked up, so I need a diversion.  :::::breathe deeply, JA::::::::

If anyone is in the Portland area tomorrow and would like to come to the court hearing, you are welcome.  It is open to the public and will be held at Washington County Courthouse, Hillsboro, OR at 1:30 p.m.  This is the case with Hannah and me.  Meaghan's case follows ours.  We are fairly certain it will be in Room 303C, but if something changes, look for Judge Fun's courtroom.  There are bulletin boards on the entrance walls listing the judges/courtrooms.

I'll try to let you know the court's decision as soon as possible.  I will send out a tweet tomorrow (you can follow me on Twitter using the link in the upper right-hand sidebar).  I will also be sending my son an e-mail with the information and he has been instructed how to copy the e-mail and add it to a blog post which is already set up in draft mode.   

Thank you so much for your support and prayers.  You have made me laugh and cry and I'm feeling the love :)  Regardless of what the court decides, God has been with me in this process and I'm so thankful for Him and what He has done in this.  

~ja

My Story - Key Blog Posts

I  began this blog in Feb. 2012 after noticing that the Google reviews I had posted of my former church were being removed. Days after the commencement of this blog, I received a legal summons suing me and three others for defamation to the tune of $500,000. The story of spiritual abuse needs to be told. People are being hurt emotionally and spiritually by abusive pastors who use bully tactics;  we need a place to learn, to talk freely, and to heal. I will not be silenced. 


On May 21, 2012, we had our first court hearing.  Two of the original 4 defendants were voluntarily dismissed from the lawsuit, leaving Hannah and me.  Later, Meaghan was added to the lawsuit, plaintiffs claiming her comments on my blog were defamatory.  


I believe the lawsuit is an extension of the spiritual abuse we incurred.  A key part of spiritual abuse is control and especially controlling what people can and cannot say, in this case, months and years after leaving a church.  When Chuck O'Neal and BGBC decided to sue us in the legal court system, they challenged the rights of free speech for everyone who shares their stories and opinions online.  This story should be of grave concern to all in the United States, especially bloggers, opinion and review sites, political sites, etc.     July 13, 2012 is the court hearing at the Washington County Courthouse in Hillsboro, Oregon.  The time is scheduled at 1:30 p.m. The judge's decision could have a profound effect on those who use the internet to express their thoughts and opinions. 




Legal online sites are acknowledging the threat.  Here is one from Citizen Media Law Project, including court documents.




Here is  my court declaration.

A few people have asked for a condensed version of "my story".  My story is not written out like that, but in bits and pieces as posts for the blog.  So, in the meantime, I thought it might be helpful to have one post which includes links to the key posts to my story so readers do not have to wade through all of them.  ~ja

How Dare You Leave Our Church!- - - In this article, I describe the atmosphere presented at the church - that our pastor proclaimed our church to be the best. This was an unhealthy elitism.  I also describe a pattern that I noticed of families staying for 4-6 months and then vanishing without ever mentioning them again.  This was one of the first clear signs of something amiss.  

False Teachers Who Mark and Avoid Church Members - Pastors who twist scripture are doing so for their own personal gain.  This shocking article is about how some pastors twist scripture and Mark and Avoid church members/former members by the very painful and destructive practice of shunning.  This method is used by cults.  




You Won't Find a Better Church  - This article discusses more of the elitism we were taught.  No church could ever measure up to our church.  What are the implications of that kind of thinking?

The Lawsuit - - These are my thoughts after I received the subpoena (Mar. 2012)

You Can't Make This Stuff Up, Part 1 - Extra-biblical rules (men shouldn’t wear pink) 

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up, Part 2 More extra (women shouldn’t wear dark “manly” colors)

Chuck O'Neal Secretly Recorded Private Conversatio... - - -This discusses both Meaghan and my experience of the pastor/elders coming to our homes unannounced and recording (or attempting to record) our private conversations without our permission.

Disobedient Children and Meetings with the Pastor - -The pattern we observed was that all children/teens would be brought to the pastor's office for discipline issues at one time or another.  These intense meetings represented the underlying tone we experienced.

Children's Church - In the 2 yrs 2 mos we attended the church, the children only covered Ephesians 1:1-17.    Weeks and weeks were spent on one verse at a time.  How much of the Bible would have been covered by the time they became an adult at this rate?

Youth Groups? Not at Our Church! - In the pastor’s attempt to have an elite church, he expressed great disdain for modern youth groups.  While our former church had no official youth group, the youth most certainly did meet and the “fruit” of the “unofficial youth groups” was far worse than I’ve seen in conventional supervised youth groups.  

The Bully Pulpit  We found the pastor frequently used the “bully pulpit” to preach to the congregation when someone was caught in sin.  It’s not a pleasant environment when you have been caught in sin and the pastor uses the teaching time to address your sin from the pulpit.  You know he is talking about you the whole time.  This sometimes happened for several weeks in a row - and many times was on the topic of sexual immorality.

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?  Part 1... - We discovered a pattern of scriptures used in reference to people who he felt was being divisive and labeling them as “Korah”.  This is an example of  hyper-authoritarian behavior which created a very uncomfortable church atmosphere.

Baptism:  Was It Genuine or for Show? - We saw evidence of baptism being more of a show, rather than a genuine act of obedience in faith.  This was very disturbing.    Some were not even convinced of their salvation after being baptised - they did it because of feeling pressure.

Evangelize When it Looks Good - There was a strong emphasis on evangelism at this church, but why was there no willingness to go after my “wayward” daughter or other “tough cases”?  Evangelizing only when it’s easy or looks good?  Maybe.

Manipulating Reviews Yet Again - Here I document how BGBC congregants flooded the Google reviews to bury a negative review.  It’s all about the image.  

Damage Control - How Do I Look?  After the lawsuit, we saw the church go into “damage control” mode on their church website, making it a softer, gentler, family-friendly-site.  Again, it’s all about the image.  

Lawsuit Update:  New Information!! - Meaghan V. was added to the lawsuit after posting a comment using her real name (most other members feel the need to post anonymously because they don’t want to be sued).  I reference 3 of the pastor’s sermons on submitting to State authority.

Dare to Leave:  One Family's Tragic Account - Very few people want to publicize their story.  They are afraid of repercussions.  This person dared to share.

Legalism:  Do Not Expose Your Thighs! - What is it like living in a church with legalistic rules about where the hem of shorts should land on your legs and you have a son who is 6’8”?  

In Honor of Hannah - This post is the most popular post on the blog.  So much of we experienced is difficult to describe in clear facts.  This describes the emotional part of what I dealt with in a very real way - when our adult daughter abruptly moved out of the home because of the intense emotional/physical pressures she was facing by the demands of the church in addition to her busy life as a student/nanny.  This was very difficult to write.  

Walk the Talk! This post discusses the hypocricy (and once again image) I saw at the Steps for Life walk in Portland year after year (a pro-life walkathon).   Publicly showing/walking/praying that you respect life, even the life of the unborn, yet failing to get in the trenches with people in real need at your own church seems hypocritical.  

Do I have an unforgiving heart? - - Reader asks this question which generated a lot of conversation.

Hyper-Modesty in the Church, Part 1  This is the beginning of a 3-part series on hyper-modesty which I believe led to a preoccupation with body parts and sexualizing.  Sexual immorality was a big problem here, much more in any other church I attended and I would attribute it to the legalistic/high authoritarian teachings.

It's the Same Message No Matter How you Mix it!  This is a 3-part series on repetitive sermons.  I started timing the sermons after comparing my notes and realizing that the pastor was using the basically the same sermons and mixing the order up with only 10-15 minutes of new material (in a 60- min. sermon).    In our 2-years there, he covered only Romans 12 to Romans 13:7.    In this series you will get to “experience” what it felt like for many of us :)  Be sure to read all three parts.  You may go crazy.  I did when writing it :)

Creepy Pastors and Churches Using Creepy Stalking ...  Pastors who spend an exorbitant amount of time searching their names, former members’ names, current members’ names on the internet seem to have a different agenda than the Biblical model we see of pastors/shepherds.  This is/was our reality.  

A Parable of Suffering

  I've been excited about this next post and couldn't wait any longer to share it with you!  The MSNBC.com article regarding my case brought a number of visitors to the blog.  One person was Craig Vick, who also is a pastor.  He read the blog and stayed, participating in discussions.  I appreciated the way in which he expressed himself as he dialogued with other readers.  He came here out of curiosity because of the court case and then hung around.   In the process, he learned about spiritual abuse as he read our experiences. 

The stories we share do not always create a warm, cozy environment for pastors, and actually might put them on the defensive, but Craig stayed, wanting to learn more.  He's mentioned privately to me that the stories from the blog have influenced how he preaches.   He's obviously taken to heart that anyone listening to him preach may have gone through experiences we have described.   His sensitivity has really touched me.

I think Pastor Craig has sensed the ongoing frustration that some of us have experienced  - that some people just don't get this thing called "spiritual abuse".   He sent me a little parable to illustrate my story (our story) and granted me permission to share it with you.  

Thanks, Pastor Craig!   

 ~Julie Anne (illustrations contributed by resident artist,  my 9-yr old son)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

A Parable of Suffering

by Pastor Craig Vick 

P.R. O'Baton felt tired and generally unhealthy. He decided he needed to make some changes and looked for help. He found a book, Dr. Wolfe's Way to Vitality, that promised to bring vigor and health through various exercises and a strange diet. Dr. Wolfe's promises were so convincing that O'Baton bought a copies for himself and for the whole O'Baton family. O'Baton started doing the exercises and encouraged his family to do the same. After some mild resistance, he was able to get the family on board with the new diet as well.

After the first week there was no real change. Dr. Wolfe, on page 13, indicated that this was normal and so O'Baton pressed on. Months went by and O'Baton began to feel worse, not better. His back began to ache all hours of the day. He had less energy than he had ever experienced before. To make matters worse, many in his family were experiencing similar symptoms. Dr. Wolfe, on page 47, said this was normal. It was the result of not being diligent enough. O'Baton believed it was his own fault he was doing so poorly. He could get better only by a more rigorous application of Dr. Wolfe's book. 

After a year, O'Baton found himself in a state of constant, excruciating pain. His son, whose health had also degraded, had had enough and stopped following Dr. Wolfe. O'Baton was terrified by this. He was afraid that his son would discourage other members of his family. He was afraid that all he and his family had endured would be for nothing. He didn't want to quit when he might be so close. Dr. Wolfe, on page 167, agitated O'Baton's discomfort and fear with threats of failing health and even death to those who quit following his book. 

O'Baton's son got better. O'Baton got worse. He decided to quit using the book. By this time he couldn't remember what it was like to live without pain. He was sick, exhausted, depressed and frightened. He was also becoming angry. He wrote a letter to Dr. Wolfe and told his story. Dr. Wolfe responded with a form letter. It indicated that anyone not experiencing success with Dr. Wolfe's book was not following it correctly. O'Baton wrote again. Dr. Wolfe sent him a coupon for a discount on any further purchases of the book and expressed more than a little rage against those not finding health.  

Three weeks after quitting Dr. Wolfe's regimen, O'Baton started to feel a little better. He went to see a doctor. He was still in much pain. The doctor was appalled at what O'Baton had done to himself. O'Baton was embarrassed and ashamed. He had followed a sham.  

One morning O'Baton noticed Dr. Wolfe's book on Amazon. He also noticed that he could leave a review. He was still suffering the horrible results of following Dr. Wolfe. He thought to himself, "Maybe I can warn others to stay away from this book. Maybe I can spare someone else the pain I've endured and am still enduring." He left a review telling his story and warning consumers. It was the only review. 

A month later O'Baton returned to Amazon and noticed several new reviews. All of the reviews were glowing. It looked as if Dr. Wolfe and friends were leaving disingenuous reviews. O'Baton's lone negative review was difficult to find. He was horrified by this new state of affairs. His warning would not be seen. Others would be trapped by Dr. Wolfe's harmful exercises and diet. Others would find their bodies wracked with pain. O'Baton started writing more reviews. Soon, others injured by Dr. Wolfe added reviews as well. For every negative review posted, however, hundreds of positive reviews would be posted as well. Dr. Wolfe knew how to hide the truth. Then, for reasons no one really can explain, the negative reviews started to disappear altogether. O'Baton was determined to speak out. He started a blog. 

Dr. Wolfe wasn't happy. He sued O'Baton for ten thousand talents.  

Many visitors to the blog found solace there. They found a place where they could tell their stories and comfort one another. Many suffered permanent physical damage from following Dr. Wolfe, but still found comfort in knowing they weren't alone. Other visitors, however, blamed O'Baton for all of his problems. They criticized O'Baton for not letting go of the ills suffered under Dr. Wolfe. They criticized him for being so critical. They criticized him for leaving negative reviews. They criticized him for starting a blog. They didn't seem to notice or care about the suffering of many who had religiously followed Dr. Wolfe's Way to Vitality.

Admin note:  I've got a few posts to put up before the court case, please feel free to continue this discussion.  I know I want to :)

More Reasons to Bless the Lord

10,000 Reasons


I'd like to use this post to express what we are thankful for as we did a while back.  There are a lot of reasons we have to be thankful.  What is God doing in your life?  What has He taught you recently?    What has brought you encouragement?


I'll start.  I want to share what's been going on with me personally.
I'm feeling a little verbose and I apologize in advance.  




I guess I'm feeling a bit emotional thinking we're getting down to the wire with the court case.  My spiritual journey has been a roller coaster.  The bad church experience left me confused spiritually.  Music and the beautiful lyrics from classic hymns were my anchor amidst the storm.  There were times it was hard to read the music because my eyes were all teary - those words - from scripture  - spoke life to me.   Music was a gift from God to me.  


The next church we attended for two years was my "haven of rest".  I soaked up love and grace from this incredible Body of Believers.  Some knew my story, some didn't, but the love of Christ was evident in them.  This church is led by elders, not one pastor, and I saw Christ in those elders.  They were humble and true shepherds.  When we first went there, we met them, but they never even introduced themselves as "one of the elders".  We had to find out through other people.  That showed great humility and spoke loudly to me that these men were not there in a position to lord over the flock, but were among the flock caring for them.  


When the KGW news reporter interviewed me nearly a couple months ago, he asked if the lawsuit had affected my faith.  The bad church experience definitely challenged my faith.  The lawsuit and all that has transpired because of the lawsuit has strengthened my faith and I'll share some of the ways below.


God knows me.  He knows I have difficulty finding Him in normal avenues.  He knows how to reach me and I can say without a shadow of a doubt He has done that.  I've shared with some people about timing.  I'm a musician when I am playing the piano at church or at the local high school, timing is so important.  Because of the distance between my present home and Portland, it's been a bit of a challenge to figure out how to squeeze things in on our trips.  I will never forget the day that I met our attorney and how all of the events seemed to fit together perfectly - with no minutes to spare.  Hannah and I needed to meet several groups of people that day in addition to other errands/lunch, etc, and that day went together like clockwork.  I couldn't have planned it so beautifully.  His timing is perfect.  There are so many stories like this.  


I'm so grateful for the amazing support network behind the scenes from spiritual abuse experts, authors, website owners, bloggers, counselors, attorneys, and others who have been through difficult experiences and who rallied behind me.  The support in the early weeks was amazing and some of those original people have continued to provide encouragement.   Some have been my sounding board and heard my personal struggles and never once was I judged.  


Some of you, my readers,  have reached out to me privately - sometimes multiple times - maybe even regularly.  You are precious to me and your support has been a blessing.


One of the amazing things about this experience is reading personal stories.  Some of you have not told your story to anyone, yet you risked and shared your story with me - sometimes sharing things that happened decades ago.  I have cried many tears reading those e-mails.  I feel honored that you chose me to read your deeply personal story and hope that sharing it was the beginning of moving things along in a positive direction for you.  Sharing your story is such an important first step because most of us were told to not talk.  When you shared your story, you acknowledged the truth of what happened with someone else, breaking that code of silence.  That is one of the first steps of emotionally breaking free and thank you for letting me be a part of that process.  Wow.  So powerful.  That has blessed me and has shown me that God is here at work.  


I am okay with where I am spiritually.  Some of you may be way beyond me.  That's okay.  I think God is using this time with me to develop and deepen our  relationship.  In the spiritually abusive environment, this part of my relationship with God was not nurtured, in fact, it was squelched because it was so confusing.   


As I said earlier, God has met me in personal ways.  One was through timing, another is through people.  He brought two pastors who became interested in the story because of the media (one in a not-so-nice-way as his church was mistaken for my former church because of name similarity).    These two pastors have been brave enough to participate which is surprising considering some of us are a bit leery of pastors and sometimes pastors are discussed in unfriendly ways here.   One came to offer support out of his difficult church  experience, the other out of a sense of compassion and wanting to learn and understand.  What a beautiful gift.  I've seen God through these men in their responses with readers and through their correspondence with me privately.  Thank you Ken and Craig.  You have shown me Christ.  


And then there are the former church members who for the most part have remained quiet here, but I know they support me.  A few have taken pseudonyms, but most remain quiet (understandably) behind the scenes.  Meaghan and Justice (and family) have provided regular support to me.  Michelle and Don have been wonderful.  Michelle would be rich if she charged by the hour because we have spent so many hours talking.  She has been my sounding board many times and has always made herself available to me - even several times a day - when I have been so emotionally distraught.  I love you, Michelle!


Bless the Lord, O my soul!  Thank you, God.