There is a slice of heaven on earth when we can relate to one another in the church, regardless of the form our family takes, as individuals equal in worth, significance and value. ~Wade Burleson
The other day, I posted about a new movie coming out called UnMarried. I really appreciated the contributions in the comments. Just as I suspected, the singles who read my blog are not feeling the love at church. They do feel "singled" out. It seems there is an underlying favoritism toward married and families. This is a concern to me. It does not seem very loving.
Blog reader, Serving in Japan reminded me that they used the phrase "prolonged adolescence" in reference to singles in a summary of the film, so I wanted to take another look at what was said. Here is the summary from the UnMarried website:
They're everywhere. Unmarried, young Christian adults. Some searching and praying for that perfect match from Heaven. While others have all but abandoned the whole idea of marriage altogether.
Many are still at home, living a life of prolonged adolescence, with no hopes of marriage in sight. What has caused this drastic change that has reshaped the lives of an entire generation into singleness?
Join us as we search out the biblical answers for what has taken place, and interview theologians, families, young Christians (married and unmarried alike). Be with us as we search the scriptures for truth.
I did a little more digging to see what/who is behind this movie. UnMarried is being promoted by Family Vision Films. I visited the Family Vision Films website to read their "About Us" page:
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They also included a picture of their family with eleven children and sign their name Jason and Jennifer Ross. Could this be a full-quiver family? A Patriarchal family?
I found another website featuring this video. This comes from Renewing Housewives site whose e-mail address shows a Family Vision's e-mail address - what do you know - Jennifer is the blogger there. Also, the e-mail address for Renewing Housewives is "info at familyvisionfilms dot com", so apparently whomever mans the Family Visions e-mail account also is getting the e-mails from people wanting to connect with Renewing Housewives.
Disclaimer: Just so you know, the e-mail you send to BGBCsurvivors @ gmail dot com does not go through any e-mail account of my husband's. I am the only one who reads that mail. I don't know why I never felt compelled to say that before. I'm feeling an icky feeling even having to mention that.
Take a look at the "feel" of the website. This is my first clue of "Patriarchy" - the Victorian look. Hmmm - that might be an interesting blog post. I'll make a note of it. I may need to take a break from this post for a sec to get a JA attitude adjustment.
Here is the blurb about the upcoming film UnMarried posted on the Renewing Housewives website.
Will someone please tell me what a very visionary husband is? No, never-mind, I don't want to know. We may not need to delve into that wording specifically, but it's important to note that both Kevin Swanson (mentioned in the previous post on this topic) and the folks at Family Vision/Renewing Housewives are from the Patriarchal mindset. This is a culture that idolizes families and puts great emphasis on raising Christian families for the future generations. They are also "full-quiver" - having as many babies as possible and populating the earth with Christian offspring - little warriors for Christ. Not to say any or all of that is bad, but it is an agenda that consumes every aspect of their lives. (For further reading on patriarchy, I highly recommend Cindy Kunsman's articles. Here's a very helpful one.)
Disclaimer: Just so you know, the e-mail you send to BGBCsurvivors @ gmail dot com does not go through any e-mail account of my husband's. I am the only one who reads that mail. I don't know why I never felt compelled to say that before. I'm feeling an icky feeling even having to mention that.
Take a look at the "feel" of the website. This is my first clue of "Patriarchy" - the Victorian look. Hmmm - that might be an interesting blog post. I'll make a note of it. I may need to take a break from this post for a sec to get a JA attitude adjustment.
Here is the blurb about the upcoming film UnMarried posted on the Renewing Housewives website.
Well! As we continue to work on our second Homemaking DVD, we have started another one as well. My very visionary husband has been inspired to produce a film that explores our current epidemic of protracted singleness in the church.
- Why are there so many unmarried Christians?
- What is causing this trend?
- Is it even an issue?
- And what can we do? What should we do?
We are still in the production stage of this film. We hope to release in the Spring of 2013. Please pray for us as we seek the biblical answers for what has taken place, interview theologians, families, and young Christians (married and unmarried alike).
Will someone please tell me what a very visionary husband is? No, never-mind, I don't want to know. We may not need to delve into that wording specifically, but it's important to note that both Kevin Swanson (mentioned in the previous post on this topic) and the folks at Family Vision/Renewing Housewives are from the Patriarchal mindset. This is a culture that idolizes families and puts great emphasis on raising Christian families for the future generations. They are also "full-quiver" - having as many babies as possible and populating the earth with Christian offspring - little warriors for Christ. Not to say any or all of that is bad, but it is an agenda that consumes every aspect of their lives. (For further reading on patriarchy, I highly recommend Cindy Kunsman's articles. Here's a very helpful one.)
It deserves to be said again: God is far more concerned about the functionality of the individual Christian in the family than the form of the family the individual Christian is in. ~Wade Burleson
When I read or hear strong words against a specific group of people, it makes me wonder if there is a deeper message beneath. Those strong words and generalities (ie, prolonged adolescence, protracted singleness) created a conflict in my mind and I'm not even single. I think what was lacking to me was love and grace. It seems to always come back to that. Some people have in their mind the way things "ought" to be and if you don't fit within their "ought-to-be" mindset, then they feel you need to be called out on it. And many times it becomes such an issue that people suggest that even the "gospel" depends on it. There's that buzz word again. It may not be "gospel" whatsoever, but their message is sometimes cloaked with that "gospel" word to draw you in and convince you that it is the "right" or "gospel" way. If you are a Christian, you can't argue against "gospel", can you? Take note: spiritual abusers use this manipulative tactic to control.
In my first blog post regarding the movie, UnMarried, I also quoted notes from a sermon by Al Mohler. I do not believe Mohler and Swanson are from the same camp, but they are presenting a similar message on this issue of singleness. I don't care for the way they are presenting their messages. There may be some truth to the fact that some singles are wasting time or "floundering around". The twenties is a challenging time in someone's life. They are newly out of high school, trying to figure out their niche. There are other complicating matters in 2012 than in previous decades: we have a very difficult economy, difficulty finding jobs - even for college graduates at the Master level. There are definitely more distractions with technology. But we have to be careful to not generalize and not label a whole group of people just because of their marital status. We can't presume to judge their hearts.
Thankfully, not all church leaders and pastors portray singleness in such a derogatory fashion. Last week, I read an article from Pastor Wade Burleson and found it so refreshing. The family units we see in 2012 look quite different than 50 years ago. A couple parts of Wade's article apply to singles and I thought it would be good to provide a healthy balance here. The quotes are from the middle of the article, so please be sure to check out the whole article to get the full context: Focus on the Function of Your Life, Not the Form of Your Family.
I hope my single readers are encouraged by Wade's words. You singles are valuable to the Body of Christ (and to me). You are just as valuable to Christ as me, a married woman and mother or as a pastor or as a child. When we look at the full picture, we are all equals among Christ. I hope you take great comfort in that truth.
When church leaders put an emphasis on the form that family units should take, even if it is a well-intentioned effort to encourage families, the emphasis of Scripture is missed. God is not nearly as interested in the form of a family group as He is the functionality of the individual person. Let me prove this:
(1). Marriage is temporal, not eternal.
Granted, there are a few non-traditional western religions (i.e. Mormonism) and a few long-time eastern religions (i.e. Islam) who advocate that marriage, even mulitiple marriages for men, are eternal. That's just not so. Jesus said that in heaven we "will not marry nor be given in marriage" (Mark 12:25).
Marriage is something that is not eternal. At some point, marriage will end for everyone. If a marriage happens to end here on earth for a Christian, it is possible for that Christian to experience the same fulfillment and joy here and now that he or she will experience eternally. A divorcee who trusts Christ, a graced widow or widower, and even Christian singles who have never married or never will marry have as much personal value, identity and significance as any married Christian. In fact, it might be said that there is an advantage for the Christian who is not married; he or she has the opportunity to understand how to function individually now as Christ intends us to function eternally then.
So let me be crystal clear. Since marriage is a form of relationship that will one day end for everyone, when there is an overemphasis in church on the form of one's family to the neglect of the individual's function within his or her family, then churches fail in our biblical mission. The function of a Christian within the family never ends, and when properly understood, never fails. So what is our function as Christians? We are to love others in our family unit as Christ has loved us (John 15:12). When we learn to function in this manner we never fail, though the form our family takes comes to an end (I Corinthians 13:8).
I hope my single readers are encouraged by Wade's words. You singles are valuable to the Body of Christ (and to me). You are just as valuable to Christ as me, a married woman and mother or as a pastor or as a child. When we look at the full picture, we are all equals among Christ. I hope you take great comfort in that truth.
