John Piper and the Church on Domestic Violence

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;

    ensure justice for those being crushed.

⁹ 

Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,

    and see that they get justice.

Proverbs 31:8-9

In an earlier post, Domestic Violence:  Do Pastors Know Best?, I posted a video of a question and answer session in which John Piper was asked about domestic violence.  The video is several years old, but his words created quite a storm.  Here were some of the troubling words:

If it’s not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures verbal abuse for a season, and she endures perhaps being smacked one night, and then she seeks help from the church.   

~John Piper

Enduring abuse "one night" could be a woman's last night in the hands of a violent husband.  This was not the correct response.  These words were not appropriate from a very popular celebrity pastor who leads a large church and whose words people respond to and respect.  His response in the video gives a free pass for an abuser to continue destructive abuse and keeps a woman and her children in harm's way without acknowledging that some abuse is a crime and must be reported to civil authorities.  A wife enduring abuse is not always in the best position to make appropriate decisions.  They need help from clear-minded individuals who are looking out for their safety.  John Piper failed to protect her and possibly many others who listened to his response.  

  
Last week, Piper released a response to this video and so I wanted to let you know about this recent statement.  He's a few years late in responding, in my opinion:  Clarifying Words on Wife Abuse.  Although Piper is now clear that calling civil authorities is appropriate in cases of crime, there is one thing glaringly missing from this clarification - an apology - especially an apology to those women who heeded his instructions to "endure perhaps being smacked for one night."  This was abhorrent advice.  I wonder how many women endured one more night of abuse based on this video?  They trusted this man of God and his words.  

Dee and Deb,  of the Wartburg Watch blog and I sometimes accidentally and/or intentionally piggy back on similar stories.  I found out today that we did it again.   We share the same heart for victims of abuse.  Please do read Dee's excellent article:  Domestic Violence, Christmas, John Piper, SGM, and TGC.  She takes a closer look at a number of questionable phrases from Piper's article.  It's a very informative article.  



I do not think the timing of Piper's article coming out is coincidental.  A number of bloggers have done articles on this obnoxious video and his teachings on divorce/abuse (Cry for Justice, Wartburg Watch, BGBC Survivors, From Bitter Waters, Under Much Grace, Galations 4, Free Jinger, Reformed Traveler, Emotional Abuse and Your Faith, etc).  What I believe is happening is that bloggers are highlighting this behavior and readers/people are responding.  They are responding in comments on blogs like mine, on the blogs of leaders, they are sending e-mails and challenging leaders on these topics.  Thank YOU if you have done this.  


Jeff Crippen has come out strongly against domestic abuse in an open letter to pastors: 

 Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors 

In November, I wrote a post (Complementarians Speak out about Violence Against Women) about the many church leaders and pastors who wrote articles against domestic violence coinciding with the: International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.


All of this recent focus on abuse is no coincidence.  It makes sense in light of the Sovereign Grace Lawsuit that surely looms in the heads of friends  Sovereign Grace pastors and leaders, especially president of SGM, CJ Mahaney, who is named in the lawsuit.  I would like to highlight an earlier blog post featuring a video by attorney Gilion Dumas: A Word of Encouragement to Abuse Victims Who Use Civil Litigation.  In cases of overlooked abuse and failure to respond or report crimes, pastors are also crossing the lines in the civil government.  They have a moral responsibility to society to report crimes.  


Based on the many comments and stories I have read of domestic violence in Sovereign Grace Ministries churches, it would not be surprising to see the current class action lawsuit revised to include additional cases of abuse, including domestic violence.  Even if it doesn't, the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit is the lawsuit to watch among church leaders.     


The purpose of this blog is to highlight spiritual abuse.  When pastors and church leaders fail to address ANY abuse appropriately in the context of church, they become complicit with the abuse.  A failure to address abuse is a choice to remain silent.  Church leaders will have to answer to God for this non-response.  Remaining silent is the wrong response and leads to secondary abuse:  spiritual abuse.  Let's continue to be the squeaky wheel on behalf of victims who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8-9).  

photo credit: United Nations Photo via photopin cc

Complementarians Speak out about Violence Against Women

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless.  

 Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Today, Novermber 25, was the day designated as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women:

"Millions of women and girls around the world are assaulted, beaten, raped, mutilated or even murdered in what constitutes appalling violations of their human rights. [...] We must fundamentally challenge the culture of discrimination that allows violence to continue. On this International Day, I call on all governments to make good on their pledges to end all forms of violence against women and girls in all parts of the world, and I urge all people to support this important goal."

Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

A number of leaders who promote complementarian teachings spoke out against the violence against women.  I am glad to see church leaders acknowledging the abuse of women and girls, especially among leaders who promote complementarianism from their pulpits or teachings.     If you are unfamiliar with the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and what complementarianism is, as I was a few months ago, here is a statement from their website defining their purpose:

In opposition to the growing movement of feminist egalitarianism, they articulated what is now known as the complementarian position which affirms that men and women are equal in the image of God, but maintain complementary differences in role and function. In the home, men lovingly are to lead their wives and family as women intelligently are to submit to the leadership of their husbands. In the church, while men and women share equally in the blessings of salvation, some governing and teaching roles are restricted to men.

Some of these people are connected with The Gospel Coalition, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,  and seeing them speak out against these abuses gives me hope that they take abuse of women seriously.   A few of the articles even mentioned that sometimes it is necessary to involve civil authority.  This seems to be a contrast to the way in which Sovereign Grace Ministries leaders/pastors handled many of the alleged abuse cases we read about in their recent lawsuit.  This illustrates quite profoundly that C. J. Mahaney and his pastors/leaders did not respond in a way that many of his peers would respond to alleged abuse.  You may recall, in most of the abuse stories we have read about online on survivor blogs, personal stories, and in the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit, civil authorities were not notified.  The crime was labeled as "sin" and dealt with in a so-called "biblical" fashion within the church.  

Reader "An Attorney" offers additional insight for the abused woman:  Help the woman get to a shelter with her children, or provide that shelter.  Help her identify an attorney to deal with the legal issues. Help her get a protective order and access to the home. In many states, an abused woman can get an order granting her a car (of one or two the couple own), the house or apartment, the furnishings other than his clothes, and the bank accounts (short term, but in the long term, 1/2 of the cash and investments).  Help her get and keep custody of the children.

I would like to highlight a few of the articles posted on 11/25.  The first article is by Mary Kassian.  

Here is Mary's bio:

Mary is a distinguished professor of Women’s Studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, and is the author of several books including The Feminist Mistake and In My Father’s House.

And here are key snippets of Mary's article:

Statement on Abuse on the Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

Complementarians believe that God created male and female as complementary expressions of His image. We believe that men bear a distinct responsibility to be protectors. When a husband abuses his wife, it’s a heinous betrayal of his responsibility and a grievous sin in the eyes of God.

Statement on Abuse
Adopted by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood at its meeting in Lisle, Illinois in November, 1994.

• We understand abuse to mean the cruel use of power or authority to harm another person emotionally, physically, or sexually.

• We are against all forms of physical, sexual and /or verbal abuse.

• We believe that the biblical teaching on relationships between men and women does not support, but condemns abuse (Prov. 12:18; Eph. 5:25-29; Col. 3:18; 1 Tim. 3:3; Titus 1:7-8; 1 Pet. 3:7; 5:3).

• We believe that abuse is sin. It is destructive and evil. Abuse is the hallmark of the devil and is in direct opposition to the purpose of God. Abuse ought not to be tolerated in the Christian community.

• We believe that the Christian community is responsible for the well-being of its members. It has a responsibility to lovingly confront abusers and to protect the abused.

• We believe that both abusers and the abused are in need of emotional and spiritual healing.

• We believe that God extends healing to those who earnestly seek him.

• We are confident of the power of God’s healing love to restore relationships fractured by abuse, but we realize that repentance, forgiveness, wholeness, and reconciliation is a process. Both abusers and abused are in need of on-going counseling, support and accountability.

• In instances where abusers are unrepentant and/or unwilling to make significant steps toward change, we believe that the Christian community must respond with firm discipline of the abuser and advocacy, support and protection of the abused.

• We believe that by the power of God’s Spirit, the Christian community can be an instrument of God’s love and healing for those involved in abusive relationships and an example of wholeness in a fractured, broken world.

Julie Anne's note:  Do you notice something missing in the above?  The above statement which is the most current statement from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) very clearly acknowledges abuse.  That is good.  But they failed to acknowledge that violence against women is a CRIME.  There is also no mention of involving authorities when there is abuse.  That omission is wrong.  


Mary's article continues:

I emailed Wayne Grudem earlier this week to ask what he would like to communicate to complementarian pastors on this Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. This is what he said:

I strongly deplore any abuse of wives by their husbands and I believe the Bible teaches clearly against it. When pastors learn about abuse occurring in a home in their congregation, they have an obligation before God to seek to bring an immediate end to it, through direct personal conversation with the abuser, support of the abused, professional counselling, through means such as church discipline, protective personal intervention in dangerous situations, using law enforcement and other legal pressures, extensive prayer, and, if necessary, legal separation. Pastors also need to encourage their church members and attenders to tell someone in church leadership if abuse is occurring, so that appropriate means can be brought to bring an immediate end to it.  Nobody in a leadership role in CBMW thinks that abuse within a marriage is justified by the biblical teachings about husbands and wives.

Wayne Grudem, Ph.D., Research Professor, Phoenix Seminary, and co-founder and past president of CBMW

I'm very pleased to read Wayne Grudem's response above.  Notice he does discuss using law enforcement and also mentions legal separation.  Finally!  Someone needs to change CBMW's statement on abuse to incorporate utilizing legal separation and notifying law enforcement when suspected illegal activity has taken place. 


Dr. Russell Moore also left a public response on his blog.  He is the Chairman of the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  Here is his bio:

Russell D. Moore is Dean of the School of Theology and Senior Vice President for Academic Administration at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, where he also serves as Professor of Christian Theology and Ethics.

I was very pleased with Russell's strong words against spousal abuse.  He does mention getting the law involved, if necessary.  The whole article is very good, please take the time to read it.  I underlined the references of reporting to legal authorities.  

The Church & Violence Against Women 

Male violence against women is a real problem in our culture, one the church must address. Our responsibility here is not simply at the level of social justice but at the level of ecclesical justice as well.

“A man who hits you has surrendered his headship, and that is the business both of the civil state in enacting public justice and of this church in enacting church discipline.”

"In the public arena, Christians as citizens should be the most insistent on legal protections for women. We should oppose a therapeutic redefinition of wife abuse as merely a psychological condition. And we should call on the powers-that-be to prosecute abusers of women and children in ways that will deter others and make clear society’s repugnance at such abuse. "

"Whatever our views on specific economic policies, we must recognize that much economic hardship of women in our age is the result of men who abandon their commitments. We should eschew obnoxious “welfare queen” rhetoric and work with others of goodwill to seek economic and social measures to provide a safety net for single mothers and abused women in jeopardy. We should join with others, including secular feminists, in seeking legal protections against such manifestations of a rape culture as sexual harassment, prostitution, and sex slavery."

Owen Strachan is one more public leader who responded to the occasion.  Owen is Assistant Professor of Christian Theology and Church History at Boyce College in Louisville, Kentucky and also teaches at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Additionally, he is a writer for the Gospel Coalition.


In Owen Strachan's article, he very succinctly identifies himself as a complementarian, describing what he perceives as his role as husband and how he would handle a situation of spousal abuse.  He writes a hypothetical letter to Bob, an abusive husband.  I will highlight a few paragraphs, but please read the article.  You can see that he, even as a complementarian, has very high regard for the protection and care of wives.  I enjoyed his Dear Bob letter very much.  

Why Abusive Men Repudiate True Manhood: Letter to an Abusive Husband

Dear Bob:

It has come to my attention that you are abusing your wife verbally and physically.  Knowing this, I am trying not to tremble as I write.  There is nothing worse than the strong mistreating the weak.

Please know this: your abuse of your wife in the name of Christian leadership is a direct repudiation of true manhood.  You think that the expulsive exercise of your strength is warranted by Scripture.  You think that it shows that you are a man.  Actually, it shows your depravity.

Owen then discusses the complementarian view using scripture in Ephesians to support his views.   We then read his views of Bob's behaviors in light of his interpretation of scripture.  These are strong words showing he understands abuse as abuse, not as accepted behavior for a "man of God".

Your present pattern, Bob, looks like Satanic headship.  You are attacking and tearing down.  The biblical pattern is Christic headship, sacrificial, others-centered, offered in order that others might flourish and thrive.  If you do not cease your ways, the elders of your church will “deliver [you] to Satan for the destruction of the flesh” (1 Cor. 5:6).  If you are bent on destroying your loved ones, you will face the prospect of a life outside the church, which places the soul in danger of eternal destruction if gospel repentance does not happen. 

And like Wayne Grudem, and Russell Moore, Alex also mentions bringing civil authorities into the picture in this paragraph (my underlines):

Repent of your sin.  It is a stench in God’s nostrils.  Were it not for your worth as an image-bearer, I would find it difficult not to threaten harm to you myself, and to bring many men with me.  As things stand, if you continue your pattern of abuse, I will indeed bring men with me, and we will rescue your wife and family, and we will not allow you to harm them.  We will bring the full force of the law crashing down upon you.  We are men of God; we are not weak; we are leaders and protectors of wives and children.  The Lord has saved us from our own wickedness and transformed us to be good to those he has given us.  As men of God, we are not scared of you.  We will surely stand up to you.  We urge you to stop your abuse, repent of your sin, and leave the pattern of destruction you have begun.

Can you imagine if this would have been the action taken in response to alleged abuse stories we have heard from Sovereign Grace Ministires?  Whoa Nellie!

And lastly, on the Gospel Coalition website, there is an article by Matt Smethurst entitled, Don't Mess With Her, Man.  This article acknowledges the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and discusses male authoritarianism listing many Bible verses on "the sort of men who would ever dare harm their brides."   The verses are good, but again, I found the article lacking on what to do if there is abuse taking place.  There was no mention of contacting civil authorities if crimes were committed.  The verses discussed how women should be treated and behavior that God does not like.  They are missing the boat when they fail to address practical applications such as reporting to authorities.  I left a comment on the website and we'll see if they allow it to remain.  It wouldn't be the first time I've had a comment removed from The Gospel Coalition website (hmm, wonder why?).

These public posts encourage me to some extent because they are identifying real abuse issues, instead of ignoring them.  Yet I remain puzzled.  And I think a lot of that puzzlement is due to what I see behind the scenes.  It makes me curious to know if these leaders are just using the right words on this special day to highlight abuse or if they will really put their money where their mouth is and bring harsh action upon abusers? 

And then my mind drifts to stories we've read of church leaders who have covered up alleged abuse (such as Sovereign Grace Ministries, Calvary Chapel, etc).  What if your close friend was a leader of a church who covered up abuse and failed to report alleged abuse to authorities?   How would you handle that situation?  Do you have an obligation to say something - - - even if your friend's church was out of your "jurisdiction"?      I think you do.  If you don't say anything, how many more victims will there be?  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Addendum:  Pastor Jeff Crippen's blog post today caught something that I missed in Wayne Grudem's comment above.  Here are a couple key thoughts:

Notice once again the glaring absence of any affirmation that divorce is a biblical means of dealing with abuse.  Abuse victims/survivors will quickly understand that this statement dooms victims to a lifetime of working to “restore relationships”, to “involvement in a process of reconciliation,” of “ongoing counsel and support,” but divorce?  Forget it.  Remarriage?  Forget it.  Abusers love this sort of talk.  If the victim will just believe God and trust Him and keep doing all she can, God can bring her abuser to repentance and they can live happily ever after.  That is a fairy tale.  [Also notice that they tell the victims that they need counseling too.  For what?  PTSD?  That would be fine.  But I suspect this "counseling" is going to me more of the ilk of "you aren't perfect either, you know."]

As long as any theologian, author, or organization refuses to tell victims that they can divorce their abuser because the abuser has already treacherously divorced them by ongoing, hard-hearted violation of the marriage covenant, then my ears are deaf to everything else they have to say.  That is too bad, because I do think that Grudem and CBMW have done some good and have published some excellent books.  I just cannot hear them though as long as they continue to sentence abuse victims to ongoing bondage.  [I refuse to use the ESV Study Bible for this reason.  Grudem's notes in the back forbid divorce for abuse].

Reader "Sad" notified me in the comments of another article from Jonathan Leeman of 9Marks:  Violence against Women and Church Discipline:

As in other cases of clear and unrepentant sin, abuse can and often should be grounds for excommunication from the church. Rather than simply explain this, I thought it might be helpful to offer a sample of the kind of church discipline letter our church will send. (This particular letter does not refer to an actual situation.) No doubt, a letter like the following presumes that the elders have already been working with the individual, and for one reason or another they determine that the man's profession of faith is no longer credible by virtue of his actions.

Following up on Jeff Crippen's thoughts above, I wonder if Jonathan Leeman's church (or any of the other blog authors for that matter) would consider "divorce" as an option?  If the husband fails to repent and change his ways, is the wife to remain legally separated for the rest of her days?  




photo credit: devastar via photopin cc

Post-Election Rant and Sanctity of Marriage

I have more follow-up on patriarchal lifestyle and fathers who own their daughter's heart, but need to take a quick diversion because my brain won't let go of this.

I'm in a foul mood - and maybe a fowl mood, too - as I'm looking at my kitty toss up a dead bird and play with it in the backyard.  Some of my friends on Facebook and Twitter have been airing their disappointment about different laws that passed or didn't pass, or who won or didn't win the election.  I'm struck that so much attention gets put on topics like gay marriage.  Are we to be the morality police for unbelievers?  This is the kind of question that has been floating around in my mind.  Do we as Christians have the marriage thing down and model Christ in our marriages so that we have the right to to look down and judge others who don't believe the same way we do?

I know what the Bible says about homosexuality.  I get that and concur with what the Bible says is sin.  But what is upsetting me are the Christians who are ranting about how gay marriage cheapens the sanctity of marriage.     Is gay marriage really what is cheapening marriage?  Or are Christians cheapening marriage by not taking their own marriages seriously?  How are Christians dealing with their own marriages - with domestic violence or broken marriages in the church?  When I see Christians complaining about issues like this and avoiding their own responsibility at home, with their families, with their friends at church, I get a bit irritated.  When I see pastors ranting about how sacred marriage is and then fail to help a wife who is crying out because of spousal abuse or her broken marriage, I wonder how sacred marriage really is.   Does anyone really care about this?  End of rant.  

Rant: When Do Church Pastors/Leaders Call Civil Authorities?

Blogger Alex Grenier of Calvary Chapel Abuse published an article about former NBA player and Calvary Chapel member, Nick VanderLaan.  I have highlighted important points below. Take a look at the whole article here.

http://ephesians511blog.blogspot.com/2012/10/calvary-chapel-arrested-member-warning.html

Former NBA player Nick VanderLaan, a recent money-giving member of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, tells his story of being detained against his will and then arrested for speaking out at a meeting to question the presence of the controversial Ergun Caner.

He attended a special meeting at CCCM featuring Ergun Caner as the guest-speaker. Previous to the meeting, Nick expressed his concern to CCCM Leadership, believing he had the right and responsibility to do so as a giving member of the Church. His concerns were basically ignored.

At the meeting, Nick stood up to challenge Caner’s presence. He was non-violent and merely spoke out and spoke up. Calvary Chapel Leadership knew who he was. Nick and his family were known quantities, attended a trip to Israel with Chuck Smith, counseled with pastors there, dedicated their kid at the CCCM pulpit etc etc.

He was immediately surrounded and detained by the Calvary Chapel goon squad (my opinion, my description of the security guards and CC personnel based off of their subsequent actions).

The goon squad cuffed Nick up, took him to another part of the church, denied him bathroom and water and detained him against his will for a prolonged period of time.

Santa Ana police arrived later and arrested and charged Nick.

This incident was not during a church service, but during a conference.  In the 36-second YouTube recording below, you can hear Ergun Caner seemingly inviting audience response by his words:  "So if you've got a problem with me, hit me up and tell me what I did wrong."

VanderLaan's response was: "I have a problem with you.  You're a liar, you're a fraud,  you need to repent."

Some might not find VanderLaan's method appropriate.   Some pastors have complained to me about my blogging.  Oh well.  Speaking out against against abuse is a subject that many find uncomfortable, but there is biblical precedent.  And if those in authority are ignoring issues, we might see more of this kind of response.

The District Attorney eventually dismissed the case, but I'm sure it came with a cost to the VanderLaan family.  You can find attorney's letters, police report, court records and the complete story at Ephesians 5:11 Blog.

But as I was reading this article, what struck me was how fast police were involved in this situation.  As we've been reading about so many abuse cases where pastors or church leaders refuse to report crimes (including cases at Calvary Chapel), look how fast they reported this church disruption as a CRIME by getting civil authorities involved and consequently Nick arrested.  


So disrupting a conference is worse than child rape or sodomy, or spousal abuse?  Give me a break, people.  I see how it is - they call the police when it benefits them, but when there are real crimes like sex abuse in the church or spousal abuse, they do NOT call authorities at all.   It makes me sick - BLECH!


* * * Update:  Nov 5, 2012:  I was just sent a link giving more background information on Ergun Caner which helps to explain why Nick felt justified to speak out at the meeting.

Are Christian Leaders Condoning Islam's Rules for Wife Beating??

A reader sent this to me and I found it very shocking that some of our modern-day celebrity pastors seem to condone behavior that Mohammed endorsed - the beating of wives.  Here is what my reader had to say:

Pastor Ken Garrett is absolutely right when he says:  "Our churches will never be safe places until they truly live by a no-tolerance policy towards all forms of physical abuse/violence.  Until then, we can kiss goodbye to all the abused children and women in our communities that we would like to/hope to minister to with the love of Christ and the grace of the gospel--why would a loving God bring a hurting person into a church community in which there is a "one smack rule"? As the defender of "orphans and widows," he takes this kind of stuff very, very seriously.  Again, despite what any religious leader says, we are all responsible to DO THE RIGHT THING, especially when people are being hurt."

"despite what any religious leader says, we are all responsible to DO THE RIGHT THING, especially when people are being hurt." 

John Piper, C. J. Mahaney, Chuck Smith, John MacArthur - all have their followers and pastors that look to them. They all give Q & A's, have conferences and give their opinions. People have become accustomed to "ask the leader for the rules to follow" instead of people taking responsibility for doing the right thing.

I was reading some Middle East news today and happened to see this article (it brought to mind the blog post and discussion of Piper's video). 

‘Husbands, beat your wives so they will mend their ways,’ Egyptian cleric advises

Abd Al-Rahman explains Islam’s rules for smacking one’s spouse, ‘as a last resort before divorce,’ citing practices of prophet Muhammad

http://www.timesofisrael.com/egyptian-cleric-advises-men-beat-your-wife-so-she-will-mend-her-ways/

Egyptian cleric Abd Al-Rahman recently explained on Al-Nas television how a man is permitted to beat his wife.

"A good woman, even if beaten by her husband, puts her hand in his and says: 'I will not rest until you are pleased with me.'  This is how the Prophet Muhammad taught his women to be, " Al-Rahman said in comment aired in August, according to a translation provided by the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI).

"Islam instructs a man to beat his wife as a last resort before divorce, so that she will mend her ways, treat him with kindness and respect, and know that her husband has a higher status than her," he said.  

"I say to every husband:  Do not rush to beat her whenever a problem arises, O servant of Allah, Allah said: 'Admonish those of them on whose part you fear disobedience, refuse to share their beds, and beat them.  One should not beat out of anger."

 Al-Rahman said that beating on's wife is a matter of discipline.  He said that the Prophet Muhammed beat one of his wives, Aisha, in order to instill discipline, not because he enjoyed it.  

(JA note:  the quote in red font screams Patriarchy which is prevalent in conservative Christian church teachings and especially in some groups in the homeschool movement.) 

Jesus had a totally different view of women. You don't have to be a feminist to understand that. But you do need to read your Bible and think for yourself if you are in a church that has a "one smack rule". 

Thanks much to the reader who sent me the above.  I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with televangelist and 700-Club host Pat Robertson's reputation for saying foolish things.  In fact, after living within 30 minutes of Christian Broadcast Network's (CBN) headquarters in Virginia for six years I can safely predict that he will have some sort of statement to make about the "Frankenstorm" Hurricane Sandy which is projected to pound the Eastern seaboard tonight.  (I am not the only one waiting for a comment from Pat - check out this Google search - lol.)  After reading the words from the Egyptian cleric above, it reminded me of a video I had seen of Pat Robertson a few weeks ago which I found shocking.  I don't give Pat Robertson a lot of credibility, but the problem is he has a huge audience who gives him credibility and respects his words regardless of how foolish they are.  The video is less than two minutes.  I feel so sorry for the female co-host, Terry Meeuwsen.  If I were Terry, I probably would have had a few colorful words to say and then walked off the set while the tape was rolling . . .  but that's just me.   








I do not believe most pastors would condone wife beating, but the troubling pattern I am seeing is the mishandling of violent crimes by some church leaders.  When a wife reports to her pastor that she is suffering from spousal abuse, one of the patterns we are seeing is that church leaders deal with the "sin" in a so-called biblical fashion, but fail their moral obligation to report the crime to civil authorities.  

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.  Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience.

(Romans 13:1-5 ESV)

The design of class action lawsuits allows for more victims to be added.  Attorney Susan Burke who is representing the Sovereign Grace Ministries sex abuse victims has publicly stated she would like to hear from others who have been victims of abuse and so logically, it makes sense that this case could grow to include spousal abuse victims (read my post on SGM spousal abuse).  If spousal abuse is not eventually included in this case, it is only a matter of time before a spousal abuse lawsuit against a church/church leaders occurs.  I hope it does, as it would send a clear message to pastors that more must be done to protect against spousal abuse than merely dealing with the "sin" in-house.  Crimes must be reported.  

I will continue to say this on my blog:  when pastors and church leaders fail to deal with abuse appropriately, they are spiritually failing the sheep in their care.      I have heard countless stories of people affected by abuse of some kind and then the mishandling of abuse cases by church leaders which may result in the victims wanting nothing more to do with church and some having a crisis of faith.  This is spiritual abuse.  They are victimized by the original abuse and then by their own church leader.  This is W.R.O.N.G!


My thoughts and prayers to East coast friends/readers.  I remember all too well the anticipation, the collecting of essentials, the waiting, tracking the storm, the afterstorm mess.  Stay safe, friends!!  

Domestic Violence: Do Pastors Know Best?

The issue of domestic violence in the church is disturbing.  How are churches handling these cases?  In this post, we discussed domestic violence within some  Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) churches.   As most of you are probably aware, SGM is in the midst of a lawsuit filed by 3 families whose children were sexually abused and their cases were mishandled.  It is important to look at patterns we see in churches regarding abuse.  Here is an important pattern to note:  many pastors keep the abuse situations (domestic violence, sex abuse, pedophiles) in the church and do not notify anyone outside the church for help; ie, police, CPS, etc.  

The following quote is from John Piper.  He is discussing:   Does a wife submit to abuse?  

  

If it’s not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures verbal abuse for a season, and she endures perhaps being smacked one night, and then she seeks help from the church.  ~John Piper

The in-house handling of domestic abuse situations is not isolated to Sovereign Grace Ministries.  Take a look at this video from John Piper.  It is less than 4 minutes long.  Notice how he tells women to put up with abuse and never mentions outside involvement from civil authorities.  Let us not forget - physical violence is a CRIME.







Here it the transcript of the above:

Part of that answer is clearly going to depend on what kind of abuse we’re dealing with here, how serious this is. Is her life in danger? Or is this verbal unkindness? I’m not sure what the person who asked the question had in mind. So let me just talk about different kinds. 

A woman’s submission to her husband is rooted in the word of God, calling her to be—for the Lord’s sake, for the Lord’s sake—submissive to him. Which means she always has a higher allegiance, namely to Christ. 

Therefore Christ’s word governs her life. And Christ has many words besides “Be submissive.” “Be submissive” is not an absolute, because her Lord has other things to tell her, so that if the husband tells her something that contradicts what the Lord tells her, then she’s got a crisis of, “To whom do I submit now?” And clearly she submits to Jesus above her husband. The reason she is submitting to her husband is because of her prior superior submission to the Lord. 

So if this man, for example, is calling her to engage in abusive acts willingly (group sex or something really weird, bizarre, harmful, that clearly would be sin), then the way she submits—I really think this is possible, though it’s kind of paradoxical—is that she’s not going to go there. I’m saying, “No, she’s not going to do what Jesus would disapprove even though the husband is asking her to do it.” 

She’s going to say, however, something like, “Honey, I want so much to follow you as my leader. God calls me to do that, and I would love to do that. It would be sweet to me if I could enjoy your leadership. But if you ask me to do this, require this of me, then I can’t go there.” 

Now that’s one kind of situation. Just a word on the other kind. If it’s not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures verbal abuse for a season, and she endures perhaps being smacked one night, and then she seeks help from the church. 

Every time I deal with somebody in this, I find the ultimate solution under God in the church. In other words, this man should be disciplined, and she should have a safe place in a body of Christ where she goes and then the people in the church deal with him. She can’t deal with him by herself. 

So the short answer, I think, is that the church is really crucial here to step in, be her strength, say to this man, “You can’t do this. You cannot do this! That’s not what we allow. That’s not what Christ calls you to be.” 

I can’t go in to all the details, but I would say to the woman, “Come to a church that you feel safe in. Tell them the case. Let the leaders step in and help you navigate the difficulties.” 

(Audio and video of this answer is found at John Piper’s site here.)

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Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.  

1 Peter 2:13-14

Who does the above verse apply to?  Does it apply to pastors and Christians?  Is this another one of those verses that so many abusive churches/pastors are choosing to ignore?  

Do you see any mention of notifying authorities in the video or transcript?  No!  But we do see that he is recommending that a wife endure abuse, both verbally and physically . . . . and then seek help.   But from whom is she to seek help?  From church leaders.   What if her life is in danger?  She should go to the church?  Is the church qualified to deal with intense family crises where there is physical violence?  

At what point would they recommend going to authorities?   In the stories I have read, there is not one mention of seeking outside help.  In fact, many times outside help is discouraged.  It is as if the women have to endure the abuse and hopefully the church will get it resolved.  I have been getting e-mails from women who are following their pastors' recommendations and guess what . . . . the abuse continues.  There is no resolution. 

Again, I ask, at what point do church leaders encourage someone to notify authorities?  What risks are they willing to subject women to as they handle these very difficult situations?  Why are they failing this moral obligation?  

Here's a quote from another popular Christian leader, John MacArthur of Grace Community Church, as he discusses Dialogue on Divorce.  I am not in full agreement with his opinion on divorce and abuse, but the primary issue I want to take note of is how he tells the wife to leave an abusive situation.  Again,   there is no mention of reporting to authorities to convict the spouse of the real crime he has committed.   Why is that?

You know, I can’t counsel a mother who says, “What am I going to do? This man has committed incest with my child and he beats me up and etc. or beats up the children and so forth and so on. Do I just sit there and take it? And the chairs on my head, and the stuff he throws at me, and the cigarette burns on my arm, and battered wives and all this stuff? What do I do?” Well, certainly there is nothing in the Bible that says you just stand around until you are just beaten to a pulp. You know, God has built into the human being a certain sense of self-preservation. Right? And it’s normal to separate yourself in that kind of situation. And maybe that’s what Paul is thinking about. There may come circumstances where divorce occurs, but if it isn’t on biblical grounds, that’s it. I mean, you can remain unmarried or be reunited.”

“But I would say that’s only a possibility in that text. I really feel that if we are obedient to the word of God in that kind of a situation, God would give us the grace to endure a lot more severe things than we think. So, what we do is this; we counsel people this way:if you’re in an abusive situation, there’s not adultery involved, it’s just abusive, cruelty, or something like that–I don’t think alcoholism is necessarily in the same category. But where there’s beatings, where it affects you or the children, there’s nothing to say that you shouldn’t step away, get away to preserve your own health, and your own safety, and your own security. You don’t need to stay there and just be beaten to a pulp. God’s given us a self-defense mechanism. But I don’t think that’s grounds for divorce biblically. I think you have to hang in there and that’s what makes great prayer warriors People who can turn that kind of a thing into a draw nigh unto God kind of relationship. You know, when all your family has forsaken you the Lord will be your family.

In the secular world, if a crime is committed, the situation is investigated, abusers are usually interrogated, possibly arrested and go through the judicial system, facing consequences which may include jail time.  Why is the church intervening in these civil matters, preventing abusers from receiving the justice they deserve for committing crimes of physical violence against their wives?   Why are pastors putting themselves above the law by not allowing our civil courts to get involved in these CRIMES.