John Piper and the Church on Domestic Violence

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;

    ensure justice for those being crushed.

⁹ 

Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,

    and see that they get justice.

Proverbs 31:8-9

In an earlier post, Domestic Violence:  Do Pastors Know Best?, I posted a video of a question and answer session in which John Piper was asked about domestic violence.  The video is several years old, but his words created quite a storm.  Here were some of the troubling words:

If it’s not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures verbal abuse for a season, and she endures perhaps being smacked one night, and then she seeks help from the church.   

~John Piper

Enduring abuse "one night" could be a woman's last night in the hands of a violent husband.  This was not the correct response.  These words were not appropriate from a very popular celebrity pastor who leads a large church and whose words people respond to and respect.  His response in the video gives a free pass for an abuser to continue destructive abuse and keeps a woman and her children in harm's way without acknowledging that some abuse is a crime and must be reported to civil authorities.  A wife enduring abuse is not always in the best position to make appropriate decisions.  They need help from clear-minded individuals who are looking out for their safety.  John Piper failed to protect her and possibly many others who listened to his response.  

  
Last week, Piper released a response to this video and so I wanted to let you know about this recent statement.  He's a few years late in responding, in my opinion:  Clarifying Words on Wife Abuse.  Although Piper is now clear that calling civil authorities is appropriate in cases of crime, there is one thing glaringly missing from this clarification - an apology - especially an apology to those women who heeded his instructions to "endure perhaps being smacked for one night."  This was abhorrent advice.  I wonder how many women endured one more night of abuse based on this video?  They trusted this man of God and his words.  

Dee and Deb,  of the Wartburg Watch blog and I sometimes accidentally and/or intentionally piggy back on similar stories.  I found out today that we did it again.   We share the same heart for victims of abuse.  Please do read Dee's excellent article:  Domestic Violence, Christmas, John Piper, SGM, and TGC.  She takes a closer look at a number of questionable phrases from Piper's article.  It's a very informative article.  



I do not think the timing of Piper's article coming out is coincidental.  A number of bloggers have done articles on this obnoxious video and his teachings on divorce/abuse (Cry for Justice, Wartburg Watch, BGBC Survivors, From Bitter Waters, Under Much Grace, Galations 4, Free Jinger, Reformed Traveler, Emotional Abuse and Your Faith, etc).  What I believe is happening is that bloggers are highlighting this behavior and readers/people are responding.  They are responding in comments on blogs like mine, on the blogs of leaders, they are sending e-mails and challenging leaders on these topics.  Thank YOU if you have done this.  


Jeff Crippen has come out strongly against domestic abuse in an open letter to pastors: 

 Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors 

In November, I wrote a post (Complementarians Speak out about Violence Against Women) about the many church leaders and pastors who wrote articles against domestic violence coinciding with the: International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.


All of this recent focus on abuse is no coincidence.  It makes sense in light of the Sovereign Grace Lawsuit that surely looms in the heads of friends  Sovereign Grace pastors and leaders, especially president of SGM, CJ Mahaney, who is named in the lawsuit.  I would like to highlight an earlier blog post featuring a video by attorney Gilion Dumas: A Word of Encouragement to Abuse Victims Who Use Civil Litigation.  In cases of overlooked abuse and failure to respond or report crimes, pastors are also crossing the lines in the civil government.  They have a moral responsibility to society to report crimes.  


Based on the many comments and stories I have read of domestic violence in Sovereign Grace Ministries churches, it would not be surprising to see the current class action lawsuit revised to include additional cases of abuse, including domestic violence.  Even if it doesn't, the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit is the lawsuit to watch among church leaders.     


The purpose of this blog is to highlight spiritual abuse.  When pastors and church leaders fail to address ANY abuse appropriately in the context of church, they become complicit with the abuse.  A failure to address abuse is a choice to remain silent.  Church leaders will have to answer to God for this non-response.  Remaining silent is the wrong response and leads to secondary abuse:  spiritual abuse.  Let's continue to be the squeaky wheel on behalf of victims who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8-9).  

photo credit: United Nations Photo via photopin cc

Complementarians Speak out about Violence Against Women

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless.  

 Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Today, Novermber 25, was the day designated as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women:

"Millions of women and girls around the world are assaulted, beaten, raped, mutilated or even murdered in what constitutes appalling violations of their human rights. [...] We must fundamentally challenge the culture of discrimination that allows violence to continue. On this International Day, I call on all governments to make good on their pledges to end all forms of violence against women and girls in all parts of the world, and I urge all people to support this important goal."

Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

A number of leaders who promote complementarian teachings spoke out against the violence against women.  I am glad to see church leaders acknowledging the abuse of women and girls, especially among leaders who promote complementarianism from their pulpits or teachings.     If you are unfamiliar with the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and what complementarianism is, as I was a few months ago, here is a statement from their website defining their purpose:

In opposition to the growing movement of feminist egalitarianism, they articulated what is now known as the complementarian position which affirms that men and women are equal in the image of God, but maintain complementary differences in role and function. In the home, men lovingly are to lead their wives and family as women intelligently are to submit to the leadership of their husbands. In the church, while men and women share equally in the blessings of salvation, some governing and teaching roles are restricted to men.

Some of these people are connected with The Gospel Coalition, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,  and seeing them speak out against these abuses gives me hope that they take abuse of women seriously.   A few of the articles even mentioned that sometimes it is necessary to involve civil authority.  This seems to be a contrast to the way in which Sovereign Grace Ministries leaders/pastors handled many of the alleged abuse cases we read about in their recent lawsuit.  This illustrates quite profoundly that C. J. Mahaney and his pastors/leaders did not respond in a way that many of his peers would respond to alleged abuse.  You may recall, in most of the abuse stories we have read about online on survivor blogs, personal stories, and in the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit, civil authorities were not notified.  The crime was labeled as "sin" and dealt with in a so-called "biblical" fashion within the church.  

Reader "An Attorney" offers additional insight for the abused woman:  Help the woman get to a shelter with her children, or provide that shelter.  Help her identify an attorney to deal with the legal issues. Help her get a protective order and access to the home. In many states, an abused woman can get an order granting her a car (of one or two the couple own), the house or apartment, the furnishings other than his clothes, and the bank accounts (short term, but in the long term, 1/2 of the cash and investments).  Help her get and keep custody of the children.

I would like to highlight a few of the articles posted on 11/25.  The first article is by Mary Kassian.  

Here is Mary's bio:

Mary is a distinguished professor of Women’s Studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, and is the author of several books including The Feminist Mistake and In My Father’s House.

And here are key snippets of Mary's article:

Statement on Abuse on the Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

Complementarians believe that God created male and female as complementary expressions of His image. We believe that men bear a distinct responsibility to be protectors. When a husband abuses his wife, it’s a heinous betrayal of his responsibility and a grievous sin in the eyes of God.

Statement on Abuse
Adopted by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood at its meeting in Lisle, Illinois in November, 1994.

• We understand abuse to mean the cruel use of power or authority to harm another person emotionally, physically, or sexually.

• We are against all forms of physical, sexual and /or verbal abuse.

• We believe that the biblical teaching on relationships between men and women does not support, but condemns abuse (Prov. 12:18; Eph. 5:25-29; Col. 3:18; 1 Tim. 3:3; Titus 1:7-8; 1 Pet. 3:7; 5:3).

• We believe that abuse is sin. It is destructive and evil. Abuse is the hallmark of the devil and is in direct opposition to the purpose of God. Abuse ought not to be tolerated in the Christian community.

• We believe that the Christian community is responsible for the well-being of its members. It has a responsibility to lovingly confront abusers and to protect the abused.

• We believe that both abusers and the abused are in need of emotional and spiritual healing.

• We believe that God extends healing to those who earnestly seek him.

• We are confident of the power of God’s healing love to restore relationships fractured by abuse, but we realize that repentance, forgiveness, wholeness, and reconciliation is a process. Both abusers and abused are in need of on-going counseling, support and accountability.

• In instances where abusers are unrepentant and/or unwilling to make significant steps toward change, we believe that the Christian community must respond with firm discipline of the abuser and advocacy, support and protection of the abused.

• We believe that by the power of God’s Spirit, the Christian community can be an instrument of God’s love and healing for those involved in abusive relationships and an example of wholeness in a fractured, broken world.

Julie Anne's note:  Do you notice something missing in the above?  The above statement which is the most current statement from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) very clearly acknowledges abuse.  That is good.  But they failed to acknowledge that violence against women is a CRIME.  There is also no mention of involving authorities when there is abuse.  That omission is wrong.  


Mary's article continues:

I emailed Wayne Grudem earlier this week to ask what he would like to communicate to complementarian pastors on this Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. This is what he said:

I strongly deplore any abuse of wives by their husbands and I believe the Bible teaches clearly against it. When pastors learn about abuse occurring in a home in their congregation, they have an obligation before God to seek to bring an immediate end to it, through direct personal conversation with the abuser, support of the abused, professional counselling, through means such as church discipline, protective personal intervention in dangerous situations, using law enforcement and other legal pressures, extensive prayer, and, if necessary, legal separation. Pastors also need to encourage their church members and attenders to tell someone in church leadership if abuse is occurring, so that appropriate means can be brought to bring an immediate end to it.  Nobody in a leadership role in CBMW thinks that abuse within a marriage is justified by the biblical teachings about husbands and wives.

Wayne Grudem, Ph.D., Research Professor, Phoenix Seminary, and co-founder and past president of CBMW

I'm very pleased to read Wayne Grudem's response above.  Notice he does discuss using law enforcement and also mentions legal separation.  Finally!  Someone needs to change CBMW's statement on abuse to incorporate utilizing legal separation and notifying law enforcement when suspected illegal activity has taken place. 


Dr. Russell Moore also left a public response on his blog.  He is the Chairman of the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  Here is his bio:

Russell D. Moore is Dean of the School of Theology and Senior Vice President for Academic Administration at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, where he also serves as Professor of Christian Theology and Ethics.

I was very pleased with Russell's strong words against spousal abuse.  He does mention getting the law involved, if necessary.  The whole article is very good, please take the time to read it.  I underlined the references of reporting to legal authorities.  

The Church & Violence Against Women 

Male violence against women is a real problem in our culture, one the church must address. Our responsibility here is not simply at the level of social justice but at the level of ecclesical justice as well.

“A man who hits you has surrendered his headship, and that is the business both of the civil state in enacting public justice and of this church in enacting church discipline.”

"In the public arena, Christians as citizens should be the most insistent on legal protections for women. We should oppose a therapeutic redefinition of wife abuse as merely a psychological condition. And we should call on the powers-that-be to prosecute abusers of women and children in ways that will deter others and make clear society’s repugnance at such abuse. "

"Whatever our views on specific economic policies, we must recognize that much economic hardship of women in our age is the result of men who abandon their commitments. We should eschew obnoxious “welfare queen” rhetoric and work with others of goodwill to seek economic and social measures to provide a safety net for single mothers and abused women in jeopardy. We should join with others, including secular feminists, in seeking legal protections against such manifestations of a rape culture as sexual harassment, prostitution, and sex slavery."

Owen Strachan is one more public leader who responded to the occasion.  Owen is Assistant Professor of Christian Theology and Church History at Boyce College in Louisville, Kentucky and also teaches at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Additionally, he is a writer for the Gospel Coalition.


In Owen Strachan's article, he very succinctly identifies himself as a complementarian, describing what he perceives as his role as husband and how he would handle a situation of spousal abuse.  He writes a hypothetical letter to Bob, an abusive husband.  I will highlight a few paragraphs, but please read the article.  You can see that he, even as a complementarian, has very high regard for the protection and care of wives.  I enjoyed his Dear Bob letter very much.  

Why Abusive Men Repudiate True Manhood: Letter to an Abusive Husband

Dear Bob:

It has come to my attention that you are abusing your wife verbally and physically.  Knowing this, I am trying not to tremble as I write.  There is nothing worse than the strong mistreating the weak.

Please know this: your abuse of your wife in the name of Christian leadership is a direct repudiation of true manhood.  You think that the expulsive exercise of your strength is warranted by Scripture.  You think that it shows that you are a man.  Actually, it shows your depravity.

Owen then discusses the complementarian view using scripture in Ephesians to support his views.   We then read his views of Bob's behaviors in light of his interpretation of scripture.  These are strong words showing he understands abuse as abuse, not as accepted behavior for a "man of God".

Your present pattern, Bob, looks like Satanic headship.  You are attacking and tearing down.  The biblical pattern is Christic headship, sacrificial, others-centered, offered in order that others might flourish and thrive.  If you do not cease your ways, the elders of your church will “deliver [you] to Satan for the destruction of the flesh” (1 Cor. 5:6).  If you are bent on destroying your loved ones, you will face the prospect of a life outside the church, which places the soul in danger of eternal destruction if gospel repentance does not happen. 

And like Wayne Grudem, and Russell Moore, Alex also mentions bringing civil authorities into the picture in this paragraph (my underlines):

Repent of your sin.  It is a stench in God’s nostrils.  Were it not for your worth as an image-bearer, I would find it difficult not to threaten harm to you myself, and to bring many men with me.  As things stand, if you continue your pattern of abuse, I will indeed bring men with me, and we will rescue your wife and family, and we will not allow you to harm them.  We will bring the full force of the law crashing down upon you.  We are men of God; we are not weak; we are leaders and protectors of wives and children.  The Lord has saved us from our own wickedness and transformed us to be good to those he has given us.  As men of God, we are not scared of you.  We will surely stand up to you.  We urge you to stop your abuse, repent of your sin, and leave the pattern of destruction you have begun.

Can you imagine if this would have been the action taken in response to alleged abuse stories we have heard from Sovereign Grace Ministires?  Whoa Nellie!

And lastly, on the Gospel Coalition website, there is an article by Matt Smethurst entitled, Don't Mess With Her, Man.  This article acknowledges the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and discusses male authoritarianism listing many Bible verses on "the sort of men who would ever dare harm their brides."   The verses are good, but again, I found the article lacking on what to do if there is abuse taking place.  There was no mention of contacting civil authorities if crimes were committed.  The verses discussed how women should be treated and behavior that God does not like.  They are missing the boat when they fail to address practical applications such as reporting to authorities.  I left a comment on the website and we'll see if they allow it to remain.  It wouldn't be the first time I've had a comment removed from The Gospel Coalition website (hmm, wonder why?).

These public posts encourage me to some extent because they are identifying real abuse issues, instead of ignoring them.  Yet I remain puzzled.  And I think a lot of that puzzlement is due to what I see behind the scenes.  It makes me curious to know if these leaders are just using the right words on this special day to highlight abuse or if they will really put their money where their mouth is and bring harsh action upon abusers? 

And then my mind drifts to stories we've read of church leaders who have covered up alleged abuse (such as Sovereign Grace Ministries, Calvary Chapel, etc).  What if your close friend was a leader of a church who covered up abuse and failed to report alleged abuse to authorities?   How would you handle that situation?  Do you have an obligation to say something - - - even if your friend's church was out of your "jurisdiction"?      I think you do.  If you don't say anything, how many more victims will there be?  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Addendum:  Pastor Jeff Crippen's blog post today caught something that I missed in Wayne Grudem's comment above.  Here are a couple key thoughts:

Notice once again the glaring absence of any affirmation that divorce is a biblical means of dealing with abuse.  Abuse victims/survivors will quickly understand that this statement dooms victims to a lifetime of working to “restore relationships”, to “involvement in a process of reconciliation,” of “ongoing counsel and support,” but divorce?  Forget it.  Remarriage?  Forget it.  Abusers love this sort of talk.  If the victim will just believe God and trust Him and keep doing all she can, God can bring her abuser to repentance and they can live happily ever after.  That is a fairy tale.  [Also notice that they tell the victims that they need counseling too.  For what?  PTSD?  That would be fine.  But I suspect this "counseling" is going to me more of the ilk of "you aren't perfect either, you know."]

As long as any theologian, author, or organization refuses to tell victims that they can divorce their abuser because the abuser has already treacherously divorced them by ongoing, hard-hearted violation of the marriage covenant, then my ears are deaf to everything else they have to say.  That is too bad, because I do think that Grudem and CBMW have done some good and have published some excellent books.  I just cannot hear them though as long as they continue to sentence abuse victims to ongoing bondage.  [I refuse to use the ESV Study Bible for this reason.  Grudem's notes in the back forbid divorce for abuse].

Reader "Sad" notified me in the comments of another article from Jonathan Leeman of 9Marks:  Violence against Women and Church Discipline:

As in other cases of clear and unrepentant sin, abuse can and often should be grounds for excommunication from the church. Rather than simply explain this, I thought it might be helpful to offer a sample of the kind of church discipline letter our church will send. (This particular letter does not refer to an actual situation.) No doubt, a letter like the following presumes that the elders have already been working with the individual, and for one reason or another they determine that the man's profession of faith is no longer credible by virtue of his actions.

Following up on Jeff Crippen's thoughts above, I wonder if Jonathan Leeman's church (or any of the other blog authors for that matter) would consider "divorce" as an option?  If the husband fails to repent and change his ways, is the wife to remain legally separated for the rest of her days?  




photo credit: devastar via photopin cc

Spousal Abuse in Sovereign Grace Ministries Churches?

“Never be content with your current grasp of the gospel. The gospel is the life-permeating, world-altering, universe-changing truth. It has more facets than a diamond. It's depths man will never exhaust.”     CJ Mahaney

CJ Mahaney quoted above is the head of Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) and was recently named in a lawsuit along with several others by sexual abuse victims and their families for the mishandling of sex abuse cases within the church (failure to report, etc,).   What kind of life-permeating, world-altering, universe-changing gospel is CJ Mahaney reading in which he misses the essence of what Jesus Christ stands for:  love?  I often find the key ingredient missing from those who abuse their positions of authority is their capacity to truly love.  Love listens to the cries of hurting people in their flock, not just the voices of their favorite celebrity pastor buddies who endorse their books and speak with them at big-name conferences.  

There's another problem that has been surfacing which hasn't generated a whole lot of attention.  Hopefully, people will take note of this issue because it is a problem - the problem of spousal abuse.  What is this "thing" that causes SGM leaders to behave this way with regard to abuse?  I want to take a look at that key issue.  

When dealing with abuse, the secular world does not blame victims for the abuse they incur.  The secular world does a pretty good job of clearly identifying abuser and victim in plain terms.  The abuser is clearly the guilty party and the abused is the innocent party and victim.  Yet, in SGM world, we find that they treat victims as if they play a part in the whole process, not necessarily as an innocent victim, because they, too, are sinners.  You might need to re-read that again.  It is hard for me to even wrap my head around such a thought.  

Remember - in Sovereign Grace church environments both sexual abuse and spousal abuse were not labeled as "crimes" - they were issues of "sin" which was to be dealt with at church and under the guidance of church leaders/pastors.  People were told they should not go to authorities to report any incidences. Once the leaders felt the issue was "resolved" at church, the matter was considered a thing of the past.   

It is vital to look at the mindset of how SGM leaders view sin in order to see how they respond to victims of abuse.  Kris, the co-moderator at SGMSurvivors.com seems to have a good grasp of how SGM views sin with regard to abuse.  Her thoughts also match up with what I have observed in reading the many personal accounts at her site as well as personal communications I have had with SGM victims and former members in the past year.  Reading this brief summary below (Source) will help explain in SGM-speak why a 3-yr old who was sexually abused at the age of 2 "needed" to meet with the perpetrator for reconciliation.  ACKKKKKKK - I still have a hard time typing this.  It is just MIND-BOGGLING!!  Who DOES THIS!!!  Anyway, check this out and you will see why wives who are abused would have a really tough time getting adequate help or care in the SGM environment.  Noel's story is referred to in the article. 

  

Deeply embedded in the SGM mindset are some assumptions:

1. All sins are just as vile in the eyes of God.

2. One of the clearest signs of “rebellion” is when a person sees himself as an injured party, because no injury that can be perpetrated against the person could ever surpass the horror that the person’s own sin is in the eyes of God.

3. The clearest sign of a “repentant” person is eager confession of wrongdoing.

Taking those three SGM assumptions, let’s examine Noel’s pastors’ response to her family’s situation. In light of these assumptions, I think we can more clearly understand a bit of what went through those pastors’ minds as they offered more sympathy and support to the perp rather than the victims. Even though the pastoral responses are basically incomprehensible to a normal person, they sort of start to make sense when you think of it in this way:

Because of SGM’s belief that each of us must always be “the worst sinner that we ourselves know,” we basically give up our rights to ANY victimhood, no matter how heinous the crime committed against us.

In other words, even though what happened to Noel’s family was absolutely horrific, SGM’s foundational teachings would say that Noel’s only legitimate “biblical” response would be to examine her own sinfulness and see herself as “the worst sinner” she knows. Her pastors would see it as their duty to direct Noel’s attention first of all to her own indwelling sin, her own wretchedness in God’s eyes. I believe they sincerely think that this is “bringing the Gospel into” everything they do. For them, “the Gospel” is firstly and foremostly about our own sin.

But instinctively, we know that something is jacked up in this view. God’s own Word would tell us that He does see some sins as having broader and more lasting consequences than other sins. Yes, all sin is an abomination in God’s eyes…theoretically. But we all know the REALITY, that if I go out and kill someone, there are far more ramifications all the way around than if I lie by calling in sick to work one day when I’m not actually sick and just want to go shopping with my friends. Both the murder and the lie are sins in God’s eyes and both are wretched, but if you lie to me, I’m probably going to be less upset than if you kill someone near and dear to me.

In SGMville, though, this normal human reaction – one that the even the Bible would seem to support, if you examine how God outlined so many very specific laws and guidelines governing behavior for Old Testament Israel – is circumvented. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been the victim of a liar or a murderer. In your SGM pastor’s mind, you’ve got NO RIGHT to see yourself as a victim, of any sort. In order to “bring the Gospel in,” they’re duty-bound to remind you of your own sinfulness, like it’s some sort of tonic for the normal grief that you might feel because of the ramifications of the sin that was perpetrated against you…like somehow, if I as the victim can just focus on my own badness, I’ll forget that someone molested my child.

So OK. In SGMville, all sins are created equal.

Now, enter the perp. Perp expresses sorrow and remorse for his sin. He truly IS the “worst sinner that he knows,” so such a mindset comes easily and naturally to him. In the eyes of his SGM pastors, he automatically then becomes the “more righteous” person, since his response is the only “truly biblical” repsonse that they can find acceptable.

It gets worse if the victim stands up for himself/herself in any fashion. SGM pastors immediately see this as unforgiveness, which of course is a sin, which then makes the victim even WORSE than the remorseful (and therefore righteous) perp.

Again, I did not think of this myself. Someone else initially posted these general thoughts. But I thought these were some brilliant observations that did far more to shed light on Noel’s pastors’ really twisted and bizarre behavior than just about anything else.

To me, this helps to make sense of why, in SGMville, the victims are minimized while the perps are protected. It’s because in SGMville, the only thing that is really righteous is seeing oneself as “the worst sinner one knows.” If one has had a crime – particularly a heinous crime like child abuse – perpetrated against one, there is NO HONEST WAY that one can authentically and enthusiastically embrace “worst sinner” status in one’s thinking. One instinctively knows that someone else’s sin (in this case, one’s perp’s sin) is greater than one’s own sin. So one naturally raises objections to embracing “worst sinner” status.

SGM pastors sense this and seem to hone in on it, interpreting standing up for oneself as a sign of pride and sin and unforgiveness.

Meanwhile, the perp is over in his corner crying his genuine tears of sorrow. Because he truly IS the “worst sinner he knows” at that moment, he is more righteous, and hence more worthy of protection.  

Susan Burke, the attorney representing the families of the victims in the lawsuit was recently interviewed on the Janet Mefferd radio show and has heard of other victims and expects to hear from more.  (Janet Mefferd Show)

Attorney Susan Burke has mentioned above that she would like to speak to others who have experienced spousal abuse while at a Sovereign Grace Ministries church.   Please contact Susan Burke:  sburke@burkepllc.com or 202.386.9622  

Brent Detwiler reports he, too, has had people contact him since he first reported the story:  

I can vouch for this myself.  Since last Wednesday when the story broke, I’ve been contacted by women whose children were sexually abused or they were physically abused by their husbands.  They don’t know who to turn to for help.  In their cases, the pastors did nothing to prosecute the abusers.  These women experienced the same kind treatment by their pastors as alleged in the lawsuit. 

I fear there are many cases of spousal abuse in Sovereign Grace Churches that have been terribly mishandled by SGM pastors.  This too must be investigated.  I want to encourage any woman who has been battered to get help.  If your pastor did more to protect your abuser than you, or counseled you against contacting the police, or confronted you for being unforgiving, or told you not to separate, then please speak up.  Such abusive pastoring must stop.  I am glad to help you, confront your pastors for you, and put you in touch with people who can uphold you.  

Below are a couple of comments I have found specifically regarding spousal abuse.

10/17/2012 6:35 PM PDT
I would love to know who to contact regarding abuse in SGM ministries. I was a member there for over 20 years and just recently left. The counsel from the pastors I received after going to them for help was criminal. I was involved in Spousal abuse and they questioned me on whether I had forgiven my spouse or not. They questioned me and never called authorities. They told me I could not call the police. No counseling was offered to us and no one questioned him. I went to them numerous times.  (Source)

JA note:  "PDI" mentioned below is the former name of Sovereign Grace Ministries - People of Destiny International.  I took the liberty to add paragraphs for readability.  The following comment is taken from SGMRefuge.com.   

Pia says:October 20, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Just finished listening to the interview.  I have been far removed from PDI/SGM for many years now but hearing about all this is bringing up so many painful memories for me.  One thing Susan said was that people who need professional help are often discouraged from going to secular counselors and to mistrust anyone who is a secular authority.  Boy do I remember that PDI/SGM rule really well!  For almost 10 years in the ’80s and ’90s, I endured domestic abuse from my husband and was continually told by my pastors to just “forgive” and just “continue to submit.”  Instead of re-telling my story here, I went back to a blog entry I submitted to SGM Survivors on July 18, 2011, and I hope it’s OK if I re-post part of it here.  I believe the message I gave at the end of my post is more relevant than ever and I really want those who are still afraid of coming out into the open to realize that NOW IS THE GOD-APPOINTED TIME FOR JUSTICE!

“I remember calling John Loftness, Gary Ricucci, Larry Tomczak,etc.–men I looked up to and who were my pastors at CLC and bosses when I was a loyal employee at PDI. ‘What do I do if I’m being physically abused by my husband?’ was what I wanted to ask them.  Only John Loftness (whom I so respected and loved) bothered to call me back.  And even he could not give me a straight answer. For years, even after I left PDI, I carried my shame and guilt in secret for obviously not “cutting it” as the perfect PDI wife and being unceremoniously kicked out (after my divorce).

I also carried so much hurt and anger because no leader…not anyone I reached out to anyway…bothered to really help me or give me wise counsel during that crucial period in my life. The best help eventually came from a secular counselling center for battered wives. For years, it was ingrained into me by my leaders, ‘Do not go to secular counselors or professionals…come to us, we have a corner on God’s truth, we will tell you exactly what you need to do.’  For almost 10 years, I followed their instructions to the T and still got abused.

The first time I went to a therapist, my sisters had to trick me into seeing him, saying I was going there for the sake of one of my sisters. That man probably saved my life! That my PDI leaders acted like they were the experts on every single area and could tell me how to live my own life (because only they could accurately hear from God for me) was a lie I cannot now believe that I completely bought into. I was a magna cum laude graduate with a degree in Economics from George Washington University (I am now an Economics teacher). But that was before I sold my soul to PDI. By the time I left the system, I was a completely broken woman. Lost all my fire and passion for the Lord. Lost all my trust in church leaders. Lost my self-respect, dignity, sense of worth, etc., etc. I thought I was stupid and I thought I was going crazy.

Now that these latest events are unfolding and the big Humpty Dumpty (C.J.) who sat on his high lofty wall (whom I once thought was simply untouchable) is finally falling…and as I watch all the king’s horses and all the king’s men desperately trying to put Humpty together again…I do have to say, “Thank you God!”  Thank you, on behalf of all the faceless, nameless victims of this once “powerful empire” for validating all our voices…finally!  Thank you for showing so many of us that we weren’t crazy, wrong or sinful just because we didn’t agree with the system. In fact, in my case and in the case of so many, we were dying a slow death…and leaving was a matter of our survival–and that of our kids!  Thank you that there are finally intelligent and caring lawyers, journalists, high-profile Christian leaders, professional counselors–sane, normal, healthy people–who are now peering into the hell hole I was once a part of and are starting to blow the whistle and crying out loudly, “Foul!” for all to hear.

For me, of course, it is many, many years too late. I can put my name out there, without hiding behind anonymity, and freely state names of my former leaders–because all this is so so behind me. None of them can ever touch me again. But for all those–the many, many silent victims who are still in so much pain because of sexual abuse, child abuse, spousal abuse, etc. that were allowed to continue within the powerful “no-talk” system of PDI/SGM, silently suffering still behind closed doors–let these latest events be an encouragement to all of you.

This is the time of your vindication! Speak up and tell your story! No one can shut you up now! No one can tell you you are crazy and you’re just “exagerrating” or “seeing things.” No one can accuse you of gossiping when all you ever wanted was just for people to know how much you were hurt and damaged by your leaders. I know more people are reading these blogs than there were back in 2007. Many people here are hearing my story for the first time perhaps. Here is what I want you all to know: the stories here, at least mine and so many others that I personally have heard from, are all true! In fact, if you go back and read them all (which will take you days and days), you will hear horrendous details of all kinds of abuses at the hands of pastors and leaders who, in my opinion, need to finally be held accountable.

My last words are reserved for any victim who might still be living in this bizarre, crazy and painful world created by the once mighty PDI/SGM empire: someday, you will no longer be a victim. Someday, you will be completely free. Someday, you will be truly joyful and your passion for the Lord will return. And someday you will embrace the full gospel…that Jesus died on the cross for your sins…AND HE RESURRECTED so that you might live the abundant John 10:10 free and healed life and experience the power of that glorious resurrection within you so that you no longer fear any man but can truly have joy pulsating within every fiber of your being! Yes…you can really be that happy and free!

But first, you must speak the truth about your current captivity…ask for help in all the right and safe places (this blog is one of them)…trust the real God (not the man-made one that PDI/SGM has erected)…and follow Him OUT of there! I urge you…I implore you…come out and join the rest of us…it’s going to feel so good to breathe again!

  

This mentality explains why so many cases of sexual abuse and domestic abuse went unreported.  And this is not just the mindset at one SGM church, but in quite a few.  I have no doubt that more stories will come out as people hear about the lawsuit and make the connection with stories they have heard or have experienced themselves.  I hope that they will reach out and seek support and also notify authorities if they have suffered crimes.  

photo credit: Hibr via photopin cc