A Word of Encouragement to Abuse Victims Who Use Civil Litigation

My heart really goes out to victims and their families in abuse cases (domestic violence, child abuse, and sex abuse) and I have a huge amount of respect for those who, when realizing that the problem is much bigger than their own personal situation, risk so much by taking it to a new level by getting legal help and filing a lawsuit.   This takes an enormous amount of time, energy, money, and emotional strength because it means revisiting the horrific events and recalling the details.  It's not easy to rehash the unfathomable abuses, but sometimes people get to that point when they realize that similar abuses will continue to go on unless they speak out.  These are true heroes.  This action is not for their own personal gain.  These folks are sacrificing much to protect others from having to go through this difficult path.  


One of the difficulties in church abuse cases is that the abuse is labeled as "sin". Of course these abuses are called "sin" and pastors know how to deal with "sin" biblically.  However, sometimes "sin" is not looked at with the same eyes that those outside of church would look at it.  For example, in the secular world, sex abuse would be first and foremost labeled as a crime.  But for some reason in some churches, this criminal aspect is overlooked.  Church leaders sometimes attempt to only focus on the sin aspect of it.  They try to apply "biblical" forgiveness and reconciliation, forsaking obvious biblical verses regarding governing authorities:

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.  (Romans 13:1-7 ESV)

Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of  God.  (1 Peter 2:13-16 ESV).  

So, to those who have made this bold step, I want to publicly thank you for representing the voices of so many victims who have no voice because of the pain they are or have endured.  I want to reassure you that you are taking the right step Biblically.

There may be naysayers who will give you this verse to try to justify what you are doing is wrong or to shame your actions.  Take special note of the words I highlighted in bold font:

When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers?(1 Corinthians 6:1-6 ESV)

The verse above mentions "trivial cases".  Abuse cases that are being brought before the civil courts are certainly not trivial cases.  When abuse occurs, lives can be damaged both emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Talk to any abuse victim and see how many years it takes to heal.  The memories can last a lifetime.  Not only are they victimized once by the perpetrator, but they are  re-victimized by church leaders/pastors when church leaders fail to appropriately deal with "sin" as crimes.  


The following quote is from an article interviewing Attorney Kelly Clark, child sex abuse attorney, who represented more than 100 men who were former Boy Scouts:

Clark said he represents more than 100 men who as children were in the Boy Scouts, and he estimates that more than 50% of his clients have drug or alcohol problems. At least three of them have committed suicide, he said.

Indeed, as Clark discussed the result of sex abuse in the above quote, these are NOT trivial cases, but cases which must be brought before the civil courts if churches are overlooking and mishandling sex abuse crimes.  How do you put a price tag on three precious lives lost to suicide?  



I have deep admiration for attorneys who involve themselves in cases of abuse and represent victims.  In reading spiritual abuse stories, sometimes I catch myself tearing up and have actually sobbed a number of times - especially the stories where there is multiple abuse going on:  sexual abuse, spousal abuse, spiritual abuse.   Some attorneys do this on a daily basis.  They hear so many tragic stories.  


Attorney Gilion Dumas is a partner at O'Donnell Clark & Crew LLP, attorneys known for representing abuse victims.  Her firm has represented victims of the large Boy Scouts of America sex abuse case in the news for the past couple years.  Simply type "Kelly Clark and Boy Scouts" in your search engine and you will not believe how many links come up on this case, it seems to be endless.  


Here is a short video clip of Gilion talking about "Tough Love" for Institutions We Trust.  It's less than one minute and is important for victims to hear. 








Attorneys like Dumas, Clark, and Susan Burke who represents the the victims in the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit are doing a fantastic job of bringing justice to groups and organizations who have woefully mishandled abuse cases, often preventing the abuse cases from getting into the hands of civil authorities.  Thank God for them and the work they do.


To the victims who seek justice through civil litigation:  you are helping to change the faulty systems.  You are doing the right thing.  You may be hiding behind a pseudonym in a lawsuit.  You may not be able to tell your story to others because of the lawsuit, but you are doing such a powerful act by filing a lawsuit.   


There's a possibility that you might feel abandoned in this process.  I hope you know that on this blog, people do care about you and pray for you.  The lawsuit is not only for your benefit, but will benefit many others who might fall victim to sex abuse in churches where there are little or no safeguards in place or where church leaders minimize or turn a blind eye to sex abuse, child abuse, domestic abuse activity going on in their midst.  You will never know how many victims you have saved by speaking out.  Just as the Penn State and the Boy Scouts cases are highlighting mishandling of sex abuse in institutions, you are bringing this to light in church settings.  This is so important.  Thank you!  Our hearts and prayers are with you!

It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck 

and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.  (Luke 17:2 ESV)

False Teachers Who Mark and Avoid Church Members

  I received an e-mail from a missionary today who was involved in a church whose pastor used similar tactics with church members as my former pastor.  He sent me a link to look at and I realized I could easily replace his pastor's name with my former pastor's name;  he said the same thing to me after reading some of my blog.   We need to be able to see these characteristics and get our creepo-meters engaged so we won't get caught in the trap again.

Did they all graduate from Creepy Spiritual Abuse School (CSAS)?  With so many abusive pastors using the similar tactics, it makes it seem they come from the same school.  They take advantage of people, attempt to gain control of them and their private lives, use powerful words to shame, confuse people in their faith, twist Bible verses to their advantage, belittle the sheep, tear relationships apart, etc.  The pattern is very disturbing.

This next creepy control tactic pattern to discuss is a biggie.  This is one that separates families and friends,  possibly forever.   If you haven't personally experienced this, please think about it carefully.  Imagine going to church with your best friend of 20 years.  With a 20-year history, you may have gone to each other's weddings, may have started families at the same time, gone on family outings together, shared meals and had many hours of fun, fellowship, trials, and joys.   


And then imagine, out of the blue, you are told you are no longer to have any contact or relationship with this person, in an instant, just like that.  Zilch.  NO RELATIONSHIP.  You may not call,  you may not connect via Facebook (in fact, you have to "unfriend on FB), no e-mails, etc.  All relational ties are severed immediately.  You do not even get a chance to say good-bye, it is OVER.  BAM!  DONE!  FINISHED!  This is happening all over the world in creepy abusive churches and it is done in my former church.  It is disgusting.   It is an abuse of power over church members, controlling their personal relationships and destroying them in an INSTANT.

The sheep of this pastor's church who remain are in the system pretty good by now and are convinced that this is a man of God whom God has placed over their care.  They are convinced that he has their best interest at heart, even though this "trial" is burdensome, they may be told God uses this to purify His remnant; they are being refined in this trial.  They follow without question, like good obedient sheep.  The pastor convinces them that this is for the best for you, for the other person, and for God's church.  Other scriptures are to be used to show how good it is to keep the church pure, and clear from divisive people, people with Korah-like behavior who wage war with God and His church.


Ok, sorry, my brain can't stop at this severing-relationship thing yet.  People who have been involved in your life in intimate ways for years and years have become part of your primary support system.  They know you inside and out.  They can read you like a book, tell when you are up or down with just one look.  They challenge you.  They are there for you when you are sick or when your car is broken down and you are stranded.  They are the first ones you call when tragedy strikes or when news of happiness comes your way:  a new job, new house, a new pregnancy, your child's new faith in Christ, etc.  God created these relationships and gives them to us for our pleasure.  He is the author of relationships.  Who has this right to sever relationships in such a way?

I've said it before, but after these several crazy lawsuit-filled months, I would be in the nuthouse if I did not have friends.  I've mentioned Michelle.  I have relied on her a lot because we went through this experience together.  Her husband was on staff and was fired.    They have been through much and understand what I'm going through.  When you read the pastor's "review" where he talks about Julie Anne and "those with her", Michelle is one of "those".   She has put up with my ranting, my tears, my yelling, my questioning, my crazy forgetfulness.  She has challenged me spiritually, questioned my heart motives, rebuked me in love and been a true friend to me.  I cannot fathom what my life would be like right now if someone had decided that this relationship must be severed.  Oh no. . . . I can't let my brain go there . . . . that's a scary place.


Yet look at what some CSAS graduates are doing.  They isolate people from their primary places of support, comfort, love, and friendship.  They twist Bible verses to aid in their abuse of authority and control over their congregations.


This was not in effect when we were there (at least to my knowledge).   I have heard from several people that it did indeed take place even a decade ago, but for some reason, we never saw it, heard of it.  It may have been taking place behind the scenes, we just did not know about it.


Let me explain it.  Evidently "it" can be called a number of things, but one of the common phrases I heard was, "Mark and Avoid".  Evidently, people who are divisive, in church discipline, or causing conflict in the church or with the pastor are put on the Mark and Avoid list.  The Mark and Avoid list is based on Romans 16:17.  I will post the NKJV - my former pastor's favorite version so that we can all be on the same page, his page, just in case there are current members reading this.  The King James Version uses the actual words "mark" and "avoid"..   All of the next shots are from  Romans 16:17 biblegateway.com  and easily accessible in mere seconds.  Check for yourself.

Ok, here we go.  In reading this verse, one can easily see how CSAS graduates might think this verse would be a great one to apply to people in his congregation or  :::::cough, cough ::::::: former members like me who are waging war with God, with His Church, with mothers and their children.  Or perhaps it could be used with people currently in the church who might have questions that the pastor feels are threatening or divisive.  Regardless, this is a powerful verse.  What does it say we are to do with divisive people?  Yes, avoid them.  Ouch!  Many pastors are saying we need to be marking and avoiding divisive people.  




But digging a little deeper and looking at references for this verse, we can see the following topics are discussed.  Take special note of "8749 false teachers" and "8750 false teachings":

I don't see anything about church members there, do you?  And here we read more about false teachers/teachings:

Here is more reference to this verse with the original intent:  false teachers.

False teachers?  Or divisive congregants?  It seems pretty clear from the above that this verse is about false teachers.   


Commentary and more commentary shows once again that this verse is not about divisive church members, but divisive false teachers.  


I have been told by multiple sources that my former pastor used this particular verse to justify shunning people. Not only that, he had a Mark and Avoid list.  Because I think it is one of the most destructive aspects of an abusive church, it is important to discuss here.  


A quick side note, if you do a quick Google search on "Mark and Avoid", you can see the top entries have to do with the group some say is a cult, The Way International, because they use the Mark and Avoid practice.   The Poisoning of Families article was one of the top entries on my search and discusses how The Way International marked and avoided people:

“MARK AND AVOID” 

The Way’s current practice of “purge, mark and avoid” (which are Way terms) is another means The Way uses to put wedges between children and a parent who is no longer in The Way. The Way has taken great pains in the last 10 years to “purge” its ranks of those who do not give Way leadership their complete allegiance and obedience. Confrontation of followers considered to be weak or in error often includes verbal abuse. This aggressive confrontation has been strongly promoted in leader training, Sunday services and The Way Magazine, which is distributed to all of its followers.

However, when followers do not immediately obey leaders and respond to every one of their demands, leaders “mark and avoid” them. In other words, leaders tell them to stay away from all Way activities, and tell all “faithful” followers to have nothing to do with them — not even to speak to them. Therefore, the ex-spouse avoids the non-Way parent as much as possible and teaches the children to do the same. The Way pressures children to choose obedience to Way leadership (which to them is obeying God Himself) rather than (not in addition to) developing a relationship with the non-Way parent. “M & A” is often a factor causing divorce between spouses, and becomes a factor in children “divorcing” the non-Way parent.

The Smith, Miller, and Varela families have been on this Mark and Avoid list for a long time.  We didn't know we were on the list, but were told by those who  left the church after us.  None of us has ever been in any kind of church discipline process (we've read the church by-laws on church discipline - that process was never executed).  We've only heard by word of mouth or publicly on Google reviews that we are in church discipline.   Isn't it interesting that we were in church discipline weeks after we left the church without being notified by the pastor or elders?  


When do you suppose this Mark and Avoid list is read to church members?  Multiple sources have confirmed that this list has been read at Communion services.  The list was read as a reminder for everyone to remember exactly who was on the M&A list and to avoid them.  Can you imagine this list being read at Communion - at a time where we reflect on Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection for us?  What is this insanity?


The M&A list is a list of people in "church discipline" or who left the church unfavorably (which is pretty much everybody unless your job moved you out of the area).  What it means is that you (congregant) must never associate, communicate with anyone on the M&A list.  You must "unfriend" from Facebook anyone who is on the M&A list, never telephone, e-mail, or make any contact whatsoever.  Guess what happens if you are caught communicating with someone on the M&A list?  Yup - your name will be added.  Guess what happens if you talk to the person who was just added to the M&A list?  You got it!


Now here is where the rubber meets the road.  Let's say you have a wayward adult child.  Let's say your wayward adult child does not repent of his/her ways.  This adult child is added to the M&A list after being confronted with sins.  If you are the parent of this adult child, you are not allowed to communicate with your adult child after being placed on the M&A list.  The siblings are not allowed to associate with this child.   Not only that, members of family outside the church are also told to not associate with them as well.  


So basically, the wayward adult child is abandoned, thrown to the outside world, never allowed to have any relationship with parents/siblings who love and adore them, who could encourage, guide, and show unconditional love.   This adult child now has no contact with anyone in the church and very few relationships outside the church (remember this church keeps you so busy that there is very little time for any outside relationships).  Is that love?   How can love be demonstrated to this person when relationships are cut off?


Surely God is not happy with using His Holy Word in such a manipulative fashion to destroy precious lives and relationships.  This only serves the pastor who is in control.  There is no love here.  There is a place where people are shunned and the stories I describe do not cut it.  I have waited a long time to post this story and I am fired up about it.  This is wrong.  This is not only happening in our former church, but all over the world as my e-mails attest.


I would like to address this part to people who are currently in a church as I have described  - where a pastor is twisting scripture and tearing relationships from you.  Please read the verse again.  The first time, we looked through the eyes of a controlling pastor who is assuming that those who cause divisions are people from within the church or perhaps outside the church.  This time, let's look at the verse in the context of false teachers, not divisive church members or former members.

What are we supposed to do with false teachers?  Avoid them.  

Friends, do  you see what I see?  The Mark and Avoid list with church members listed is a fraud, a hoax, it is invalid.  It is a tool used by pastors who abuse their authority to control.  Church members and former members do not belong on this list; false teachers belong on the Mark and Avoid list!!!

If your pastor is using this verse and has a Mark and Avoid list to validate shunning in your church, your pastor is twisting scripture.  What else is he twisting?  Please leave that church at once.  You are being deceived.  Take your family someplace else and do not look back.

Do you know of a pastor whose name should be listed here?   

The Big Elephant: Contend for the Faith or Not!

 Note to Fred Butler:   My husband and I discussed this post at length, gave me his approval, and also said that if you want to call him, he knows you have our number.  

Here is the big reveal.  What is the big elephant in the middle of the room that so many pastors and religious leaders seem to avoid?    

Spiritual Abuse

As I was completing this post, I became aware that Fred Butler has posted a new blog post on his own blog in which he again discusses his disdain for spiritual abuse blogs like mine.  Instead of responding to questions in a timely matter here, where my readers posed very good and engaging questions, he has elected to take the questions to his own blog and answers some of them there, without even mentioning a thing here.   I think he should have responded here, where the questions are, and where people have been coming back to look for his responses.  Very strange, indeed.

But we do need to carry on.  There is a big elephant in the middle of the room when discussing this topic with some people, religious leaders, pastors.  Fred wanted to talk about everything under the sun:  my husband, my family, where I live, how long since I’ve been in the church, my current pastor’s thoughts, but avoided the elephant in the room, and let's face it, it's a lot easier to revert the topic back onto the grumbler or complainer than to investigate and see if there are any truths to the "complaints".   Who wants to get their hands dirty in a messy pastor/congregant church situation?  I understand that. 

I also understand the knee-jerk reaction that causes many pastors/church leaders to think the first thought that I am of the whiner, complainer-housewife-who-has-nothing-better-to-do-but-sit-in-her-lougewear-behind-her-computer-all-day-long-and-blog camp.  However, it’s interesting that the secular media and a huge number of atheists seem to get a clear picture.  The overwhelming response by secular media was:  “hmm, she says it’s cult-like and he sure is acting cult-like”   . . . . . or  . . . “what kind of pastor sues a former church member?”

Spiritual abuse - why does that issue get put on the back burner with so many?  Why are all of these other matters  (where's my husband, where I live) more important than the spiritual abuse which is affecting scores and scores of people, perhaps some for eternity.   I have found this response truly baffling.

For those still caught in the trap of ignoring the big elephant, I will attempt to explain it another way:

Imagine escorting your 16-yr old daughter to the police station to report her horrific rape.  

The rape was perpetrated by a stranger and happened 2 years ago while at a friend’s party.  

Imagine sitting in the police office with your emotionally scarred and shaken daughter as she recounts the horrific nightmare story and then the police officer interrogates her.  

How would you feel if she was asked questions like this:  

• what were you wearing?  

• was your skirt too short?  

• where were your parents when this was taking place?  

• what does your family think of this?  

• do you go to church?  

• why did you go to your friend’s party?  

• why were you out so late?

• why are you just reporting it now?   

How would most parents respond to this kind of questioning?   There would be outrage!  Questioning a traumatized victim in that fashion only re-victimizes her, makes her cower, afraid to talk, afraid to trust.  This happens time and again to those who try to report spiritual abuse.   The topic of spiritual abuse is ignored and diverted to other irrelevant topics.  This not only happened to me on Fred Butler’s blog, but with other pastors as well.

But now, I will be addressing one last part of Fred Butler’s comment to me here since it’s very difficult to maneuver through the large amount of comments on that post (thanks, btw, great discussions).

Fred, it is interesting that the world looked upon our case and thought his behavior inexcusable, yet seasoned, godly men, including you, chose to interrogate me as if I was the criminal on trial.  Am I the criminal?  I have felt that way sometimes. 

Fred, you are not alone in this way of treating me and others like me, but that does not excuse the behavior. 

The Bible speaks clearly about false teachers and abusive shepherds.  Why do you minimize this situation to issues of mere “grumbling” and “complaining” without looking at the more obvious sign of a pastor filing a civil lawsuit of $500,000 against mothers and their adult children?   Why does the focus stay primarily on me?

Here was your comment to me:

Look, Scripture does warn us about bad pastors, but it also warns us about many of the folks I have encountered over the last month out in Spiritual Abuse Survivor Land. Jude also writes,

These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts; and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage. But you, beloved, remember the words which were spoken before by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ:  how they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts. These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit. (Jude 16-19)

Are you using this verse in reference to me and my blog?  Am I the grumbler and complainer, walking according to my own lusts?   Is this verse being used to reference the “many folks I have encountered over the last month out in Spiritual Abuse Survivor Land”?   Are you using this verse to justify why you believe I should shut down this blog?   (Side note:  "Survivor Land"????  as if blogging about this subject is some sort of amusement-park experience?  Ouch!!!, Fred - that's a hurtful comment.)

I am no Biblical scholar, but when I looked at your words and the verse you used to back up your words, I trusted you to be using them accurately.  You also mentioned teaching at church, so obviously you are a respected teacher with a reasonable amount of Biblical knowledge to have that position at your church.   Here’s my point.  You used that passage in a way to prove your point that I (and spiritual abuse bloggers) am out of line, in a rebuking fashion.   There were quite a few people who read your words here on my blog (I think people liked the debate - around 800-1,000 hits per day).   That's quite a lot of people to read your words, coming from someone who speaks with authority. 

A reader (who happens to be a woman) contacted me privately and mentioned something that I had missed and perhaps many of my readers had missed (however, I think “The Other Tom” got it).  This particular passage that you quoted is from Jude - a book about apostasy and false teachers.  The verse you quoted is talking about false teachers who are grumblers and complainers, walking after their own lusts, not people like me. 

It took me little time to search biblegateway.com and look up Jude and read commentaries.  It took less than a minute to find the key theme from Mac's Study Bible notes that the book of Jude is about apostasy from false teachers.   I’m sure you have numerous references to this book on your bookshelf and you certainly have access to an envious amount of biblical reference books at your place of employment.  It is very clear, the whole book of Jude is about apostasy and false teachers in the church.  Here's a bit from John Mac:

From Introduction to Jude, MacArthur Commentary pg. 139

 "Satan's most effective agents, like spiritual terrorists, secretly infiltrate the church where they pass themselves off as genuine shepherds and leaders.  In reality, however, they are I posters and defectors, apostates who claim to know Christ, but in fact reject Him.    They verbally affirm their knowledge of His word, but their actions indicate that they are actually enemies of the truth.   ...The New Testament repeatedly warns of the danger that apostate false teachers pose to the church..."

and Pg. 148

The rest of the New Testament records similar warnings, instructing believers to guard themselves against the deceptive nature of false teaching masquerading as Christian truth.  (Matt. 24:10-14; 2 Thes. 2:3-12; 1Tim. 4:1-3; 2 Tim. 3:1-9; 2 Peter 2:1-3; 1 John 2:18-19; 4:1-3; 2 John 7-10; Rev. 2:6, 14-16, 20-23; 3:1-3, 14-18; cf. James 5:1-6) 

Right now this is what I am doing:

Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.  Jude 3

Now of course I suspect this was an oversight on your part, but what you have posted publicly on my blog is exactly what some pastors and spiritual leaders are doing intentionally all over the world:  some are twisting verses out of context in a lording and rebuking fashion to further their own agenda,  rather than using it appropriately in shepherding and protecting their flock.  Fred, that is one kind of spiritual abuse and you just demonstrated it on my blog.   Please reread that verse again and ask yourself if in fact you are the intended subject, not me.   By twisting scripture to suit your own agenda, you are not doing God’s work, but are interfering with it. 

Imagine how easy it is for a power-happy pastor to twist a verse out of context to control and manipulate his congregation to further his agenda.  And the sheep follow, unknowingly, because they trust their pastor to be the man of God.  They are led down paths of false teaching, distorted half-truths, never being able to understand the true meaning of the gospel, of grace, of redemption, of forgiveness. 

In addition to misuse of scripture, I also see a disconnect between what your own pastor teaches (have you read Truth Wars?) about how to deal with false teachers and what you are doing.  God does not like false teachers and wolves, yet you appear to be allowing them a “get-out-of-jail free card" by focusing instead on the methods survivors use when crying out for help while dealing with this situation Biblically. 

 

I feel like I need to issue some sort of disclaimer to my readers, many of whom have gone through such horrific abuses I couldn't make them up in my mind if I tried.  I need to warn them about your blog, Fred, because I have not seen validation or a spirit of genuine love or concern there for survivors.  I am concerned about the ramifications if some of my readers go there, that it could trigger them emotionally.  Readers, please be aware of this should you chose to read there.  Fred's blog is known to be a debate blog.  Debate blogs are very factual and strong opinion and there is little regard to feelings.  Please be aware of that.

One more note to my readers:  Someone who cares about the abused is going to clearly demonstrate love to you.  If you don't sense the love, simply leave.  These verses can help you determine if you are dealing someone who is loving: 

 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  

1 Cor 13: 4-7

PS Kudos to Fred for getting my name spelled exactly right on his blog post.  And I look nothing like churchlady.

Guest Poster: Twisting Scripture to Legitimize Lawsuit

My readers continue to provide excellent dialogue on the topic of the defamation lawsuit and whether the Bible condones lawsuits among Christians.  This one was worth a blog post.   Thank you, Anonymous!  


To new readers:  Chuck O'Neal and Beaverton Grace Bible Church filed a defamation lawsuit against 5 people (3 mothers and 2 young adults) citing "defamatory" phrases taken off of public Google reviews, DexKnows reviews, blog posts/comments.  I am one of the 5 named in the lawsuit. 

AnonymousMay 3, 2012 01:57 PM

From Chuck O'Neal's Feb.25, 2012 Google Review (this is strange in itself, as this is a place to "review" BGBC, but I digress...)

DEFAMATION IS A CRIME: Pastor Chuck O' Neal, his wife, his children, and Beaverton Grace Bible Church as a whole, have suffered JulieAnne's hateful lying slander for well over three years. After seeking counsel from a pastor on staff with Grace Community Church (under Pastor John MacArthur) and reading him several excerpts from JulieAnne's endless defamation, he recommended that we FILE A LAWSUIT in an appeal to Caesar as the Apostle Paul did when falsely accused of crimes against God and the state. The lawsuit has been filed in the Washington County courthouse.

"in an appeal to Caesar as the Apostle Paul did when falsely accused of crimes against God and the state."

This refers to Acts 25:11 but one needs to read the entire chapter to get the context.   I have scoured the text and several commentaries to find any correlation between what Paul was saying and having the right to sue another Christian. Folks...it just isn't there. As is common with Chuck's teachings this is scripture twisting.  Go study this out. The clear teaching on lawsuits is in 1 Corinthians 6, "Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before saints?...Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated?..."

We must carefully check everything that is taught as the Bereans did.

Ephesians 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.

"Often, of course, open rebuke is necessary.  Silent testimony will only go so far.  Failure to speak out against and to practically oppose evil things is a failure to obey God. Believers are to expose them in whatever legitimate, biblical ways are necessary. Love that does not openly expose and oppose sin is not biblical love. Love not only "does not act unbecomingly" itself but it "does not rejoice in unrighteousness" wherever it might be found (1 Cor.13:5-6). Our Lord said, "If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private...If he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you...If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church"(Matt.18:15-17). This is the responsibility of every Christian (1Tim.5:1,20;2 Tim.4:2;Titus1:13;2:15)" MacArthur Ephesians commentary, pg. 212

These steps were followed. Chuck would not listen. This blog is a legitimate way for the truth to be told; darkness brought into the light, if you will.

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here, Part 4

This post will wrap up the Korah series.   Earlier, I highlighted some "Korah" comments in the comment section.   The commenter identified as "Korah" and I made light of the Korah reference.   I want to give a little background to that situation. 

I know who "Korah" is and know what this particular family experienced.  When they were accused of Korah-like behavior, it hit them to the core.  There were many tears, many "what ifs", many questions.  There was much deep reflection and soul searching to see if there was sin on their part, looking back on things that were said, not said, etc.  These people are godly people who have hearts of gold.  When questions were asked of the pastor - it was done for the sake of the body, not for themselves.  It was commonly known that if the pastor was challenged, there could be repercussions.  They sacrificed much and took the risk to try to protect the body and there was a cost involved.  When you are brought down low, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, by words from someone you trusted and respected to be a man of God, those words can sting and sting deeply.

Now after all of these years, things have become much more clear.  When piecing together things, we discovered that Chuck recycled poor Korah's name from at least 2007-2009.  Chuck was infamous for repetitious sermons and he obviously recycled his Korah diatribe on a number of people to wield his authority and threaten when they questioned him.  

Once we saw the pattern and realized others were also called Korah for the same offenses, the sting no longer had power.  His pattern was laughable.  That is why we are able to make light of it now.  We can picture him pushing the "Korah" button whenever he felt threatened. It really was not a sign of strength to use and reuse the same Korah story over and over again against people who asked legitimate questions.   It was a sign of weakness.    As we have dissected the blog posts/letters/words over and over, the war-like words used to condemn people have become meaningless to us.  The combative tone and typing in all-caps shows weakness, not strength.  However, for those still in his fold, we still pray they will see the truth and be free from this anti-shepherd.

It's very likely that using the Korah scripture in this spiritually abusive fashion was far more than we are aware of.  If you have ever been accused of having Korah-like behavior, of having the sin of Korah, or being a spiritual descendant of Korah, you are in good company.  You may have retreated privately - and maybe in shame.  Some might still be sitting in the pews at BGBC.  Others left quietly realizing that there would be no reckoning with a man like this.   There is one aspect that is very clear and must be acknowledged:  those of you who were recipients of the Korah message were defending the faith.  Standing for the truth was not the easiest path to take.  The sacrifice was real:   loss of job,  title or position, life-long friends, and church, heart ache, loss of sleep, challenge of faith, etc.    You were not being divisive, nor did you usurp his authority.  That authority which was proclaimed was false authority.  You stood up to him, you questioned, you called him out just as the Bible commanded you to do.  You sacrificed much and you deserve our thanks.  You will be rewarded. 

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.  Matthew 5:12

Read these verses on false teachers our responsibility in dealing with false teachers:

Jude 1:3-4
 Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints. ⁴ For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

and

vs 17-22

 But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. ¹⁸ They said to you, “In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.” ¹⁹ It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. ²⁰ But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, ²¹ keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. ²² And have mercy on those who doubt; ²³ save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.

Admin note:  This is a 4-part series:

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 1
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 2
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 3
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here, Part 4

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 3

We are currently in Part 3 of the Korah theme.  In Part 1 we discussed pastoral authority and how the Korah scripture was used to exert the pastor's  "imagined" authority over people.   Part 2, the issue of "do not question authority" was discussed.   In Part 3, we will continue to discuss the pattern of using the Korah scripture in spiritually abusive churches, including more on the topic of the unspoken rule "do not question authority".

In spiritually abusive churches, there seems to be a pattern of avoiding questions and then accusing the questioner of being divisive and in sin rather than answering the questions.  Not knowing the frequency of the use of this tactic, it didn’t dawn on me until just recently.  Perhaps the pastor really doesn’t have answers to those questions.  That's just a thought.  But clearly, it is a tactic used by many spiritual abusers to shut down someone from asking questions.  It’s just a lot easier to shut the questions down by proclaiming that anyone asking pastor/elders questions is in the sin of Korah.

It was easy to find examples of this kind of tactic on the internet.   Here's one example I found by Jeff Dunn from Internet Monk:

Preachers can get away with saying the craziest things. They seemingly get a free ride. If they are questioned, it’s not long before the “touch not God’s anointed” verse is misused as a shield. I know this to be true from personal experience. The church I grew up in as a believer was led by a man who announced he was God’s anointed and we were not to question him. Of course I thought it kind of silly when he railed against Catholics for (as he claimed) elevating the Pope’s words to the level of Holy Scripture when he did the same thing with his own words. Anyone who questioned him in the least was considered to be a son of Korah and was to be shunned. Spiritual abuse at its best. 

Meanwhile, if the person who asks the question is unsure of their faith, they may be convinced to believe the problem lies within themselves and their sin.  Many times, the question is never asked again and thus, the situation is “hushed”.   The original question is left unaddressed and now the congregant has hit a dead end and instead focuses inwardly.   There's a good chance that this person will never dare to question the pastor again.  And for the pastor, this "problem" is solved.  This is how a pastor can use his authority to control his congregation by squelching any questions or comments that he deems threatening. 

There are many in the church who might never have a question to ask.  They come to church week after week and don’t see any problems.  They are good little congregants, never asking questions, never commenting, and they keep the peace.  They wonder what the deal is with all those "divisive" people pastor keeps talking about and read the reviews shaking their heads.

We were good little congregants for two years.  We wore the right kinds of clothes, attended regularly, took notes, brought our new and pastor-approved NKJV-sanctioned Bibles, sang loudly, sent family members out evangelizing on Friday nights.  We went to the pastor for counseling issues regarding our children, freely discussed other “wolves” and it seemed we were generally on the same page with the pastor regarding doctrinal issues.  It wasn’t until we asked the tough questions that we became a threat and were asked to not come back. 

Rich Diamani wrote an article in which he describes spiritual abuse characteristics and his experiences:  "We were once subjected to a two-hour sermon called 'Korah and Co.' in which we were told that any who dare to question the leadership were like the sons of Korah."

He also describes a method called Mystical Manipulation used in spiritually abusive and cultic churches:

Mystical Manipulation  - This is the claim that the leaders are acting for God in a way that makes them unquestionable. They have the truth, they have the anointing, and questioning them is to be like the Sons of Korah, who rebelled against Moses.  To dare to question the leadership is to run the risk of falling from grace. Honesty with oneself about the real questions you have over the many contradictions in the lives and teachings of the leaders is impossible if you are to be faithful to God. Self-expression and reason are subordinated to the leader, and eventually they are fully subverted.

There are specific patterns abusers use to maintain authority in their churches.  They need to be pointed out loud and clear so that those who have already gone through abuse can be aware of what to look for so they don't get caught in the trap again.

Here are some important thoughts:

•  It is normal to have questions regarding teachings, scripture, and your faith.
•  Asking your pastor/elders questions is not a sin (unless you really are trying to cause trouble).
•  Using scripture to "quiet" questions is not appropriate.  A good shepherd wants to teach and help you understand.  

Admin note:  This is a 4-part series:

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 1
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 2
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 3
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here, Part 4

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 2

This is Part 2 of the Korah series.  In Part 1 we discussed pastoral authority and how the Korah scripture was used to exert imagined pastoral authority over people.   Another pattern I saw when the Korah scripture was used (or abused) is:  what happens when congregants ask questions.   We've touched on this subject before and it will most likely come up again and again because it is a key issue in abusive church situations:  asking church leaders questions.

Can I Ask You a Question?

When I am teaching music to students, I love it when they ask me questions.  It shows they are following along with me, they respect my opinions and experience, and want further information.  They most likely will improve their musicianship by increasing their knowledge base and applying it to their abilities.  People asking questions might be confused, might not understand, or might want to know more info.  It should not be viewed as a threat to ask a question.   It's not a threat to me if someone questions me.  In fact, there have been times I may have overlooked a small detail on sheet music and I appreciate that they are paying close attention to details.  I know that I'm far from perfect and they are well on their way to being fine musicians by noticing these details (even those details that I missed).   This actually excites me because I know they are progressing to a higher level.  It is thrilling for me to play a small part in someone’s life musically.

I think of a pastor as a shepherd who cares for the flock and a teacher.  If a pastor is confident about his teaching and beliefs, one would think he would be comfortable with people asking questions.   I'm convinced that when most people ask questions, they are trying to work out this particular issue in their own mind, not at all trying to create problems.  There are so many issues in the Bible that are open for interpretation.  We look to the shepherd of the church as a teacher of God's Word, one who has studied well, one whom we respect, and hope to find answers so that we can have the same assurances and confidence he has.

We are taught in school:  there is no dumb question.  Why is this seen as a threat for some pastors?  Is it a threat?  What do they think it is a threat to:   their knowledge,   their position,  their authority,   the church,  God’s Word?  Is there something they are trying to hide?  Do they not know the answer to the question?  Are they afraid that the congregant could be right and don't want to be proven wrong?  Are they afraid that the congregant may know more?  Is it wrong for a congregant to have more knowledge than a pastor?  Think about the situation where there is young pastor with congregants who have been Christians longer than the pastor has been alive.  Doesn't it make sense that congregants may have more knowledge/experience?  It is all very puzzling to me.

Why is it that sometimes questions are not answered at all, but instead the focus is turned around and put on the questioner?  Why does the person asking the question sometimes have to endure a barrage of questions of “why” he/she is asking the pastor a question, what their motive is, and is their heart right before the Lord?   Is it a sin to ask a pastor a question?  How is it that when someone asks a question, they are given scripture verses on how they are acting like Korah?   By calling someone out as if they are in the sin of Korah, are they not saying:  “I'm the authority and you have to obey me unquestioningly?

The bottom line and unspoken rule is:  do not question authority.  The cost has been dear for those who have dared to question Chuck O'Neal.  

Thankfully, that false power is no longer over us and we have the freedom to express our thoughts and opinions here.   

I admit - sometimes I let my mind wander:  what would my life be like right now had my questions been answered in a normal fashion as most pastors would?   Then I get back to reality . . . . . and keep blogging :)

Admin note:  This is a 4-part series:

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 1
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 2
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 3
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here, Part 4

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here? Part 1

One recurring theme that continued to resurface in our time at BGBC was the "sin of Korah".  I've heard this used a number of times when congregants asked questions or shared concerns with the pastor.   It was brought up again recently in communication with someone privately and also in the blog’s comment section.    It’s time we paid a visit to Korah!

Why does Chuck refer to people as being a spiritual descendant of Korah, having the sin of Korah, or having Korah-like behavior?  

How can a name that sounds so pretty be so bad?    Let's see!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Korah_Botticelli.jpg

Here are some of the recent blog comments regarding Korah:

KorahApr 16, 2012 11:03 PM

I SEE WAY TOO MUCH KORAH-LIKE BEHAVIOR HERE!!!!! LOL...couldn't help myself!

 In one of my weaker spiritual moments, I posted this response:

Julie AnneApr 16, 2012 11:24 PM

Did you really say Korah? HAHAHAHAHAHA

You are inkorahgible!

incorrigible = habitual, confirmed, hardened, dyed-in-the-wool, incurable, chronic, irredeemable, hopeless, beyond hope; impenitent, unrepentant, unapologetic, unashamed; bad, naughty, terrible.

Isn't the definition of incorrigible interesting when thinking about the story of Korah in the Bible?  

One of the comments referred to blog comments on Chuck O’Neal’s blog in which he warned a passing commenter:

You are in danger of being a spiritual descendant of Korah. I am reminded of a similar conversation Moses once had (no, I don’t think I’m Moses):

Now Korah the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, with Dathan and Abiram the sons of Eliab, and On the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men; 2 and they rose up before Moses with some of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty leaders of the congregation, representatives of the congregation, men of renown. 3 They gathered together against Moses and Aaron, and said to them, "YOU TAKE TOO MUCH UPON YOURSELVES, FOR ALL THE CONGREGATION IS HOLY, EVERY ONE OF THEM, AND THE LORD IS AMONG THEM. WHY THEN DO YOU EXALT YOURSELVES ABOVE THE ASSEMBLY OF THE LORD?"

Editorial note:  I kept the original form of the above quote intact (all caps) to ensure a true representation of Chuck O'Neal's words.   I assure you the Bible does not have bad netiquette.  Keep in mind, it is common knowledge that all caps is shouting.  He is coming across in an authoritarian fashion. 

2nd editorial note: I find it very interesting that Chuck assumes an authority position and rebukes the commenter in his response.   Who gave him that authority?  He is not even this man's pastor.  The commenter is a mere stranger!    Who does that?! 



Another comment on my blog:

AnonymousApr 16, 2012 11:52 PM

OK...this is tooo weird. What is up with this Korah talk? Beside telling Jason (in the blog post) he was "in danger of being a spiritual descendant of Korah", I have a copy of a letter where he called someone Korah-like, and have heard of him using that term to describe one other family. So is someone Korah-like if they have a different opinion from Chuck O'Neal? Or if they question him? I happen to wholeheartedly agree with Jason's comment so am I now Korah-like?

It sure does sound like Chuck thinks he has the same authority as Moses.....just sayin...

Okay, so just who is Korah and why is Chuck accusing people of being a spiritual descendant of Korah or being Korah-like, or having the sin of Korah? 

Korah was a rebellious Levite who, with a number of other Israelite families, took exception to Moses' leadership in the wilderness, and conspired to overthrow him and usurp his authority. (see Numbers 16)

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_is_korah_in_the_Bible#ixzz1sM7eZM6F

In the above description of Korah, you see a leader and underlings who were trying to usurp Moses' leadership.  Now keep in mind all that we have discussed earlier.  While this leadership/underling setup occurred in the early Church, are pastors to maintain an authority position over congregants in the New Testament?  No, they are not.   Read here:  Pastors as Rulers - What Does the Bible Say? 

It sure sounds to me as if Chuck is saying the commenter is usurping the authority of Chuck’s “counsel”.   Are we in Old Testament times?  I think not.

Phil Harrelson in his very excellent series on spiritual abuse mentions how pastors can use scripture inappropriately in addressing rebellion in a spiritual abusive environment:

In the environment where spiritual abuse predominates there are frequent references in the public setting of preaching and in the private times of counseling that commonly brings up subjects like rebellion, accusations of causing dissension, and other methods of emotional intimidation. He will emphasize his own personal “anointing” and calling in an exclusive manner which serves in a way that dictates more than it serves. Frequently he will state that you cannot touch God’s anointed. He will call to mind biblical references of Korah, Dathan, Abiram, Absalom, and even Judas as a measure of control that heaps on guilt and further empowers the leader.   

to be continued . . . 

Admin note:  This is a 4-part series:

Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 1
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 2
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here?, Part 3
Just Who is Acting Like Korah Around Here, Part 4