False Teachers: The Hard Gospel and Grace

In my former church our pastor spoke that our church was different than others because he preached a tough gospel message.  It was implied that people in other churches would have difficulty getting through the narrow gate to heaven because their pastors preached what they wanted to hear, not what was necessary to get to heaven.  Our pastor didn't water down the Word and wasn't into seeker-sensitive or easy-believisim teachings.  Some current church members even mentioned this narrow gate wording on their Google reviews which have since been revised or/or removed.  It was (is) a source of pride among the congregation.  We felt thankful that we didn't have to listen to other pastor's sermons which were most likely weak.  There was a sense among us that other pastors must not love their congregations the way ours did because our pastor preached the hard teachings.  We were special ones to have this teaching, even though it meant a more difficult path.  


Spiritual abuse pattern:  A common trait in spiritually abusive churches is elitism.   If we are so special, and all others churches are inferior, who wants to attend an inferior church?  Elitism is a manipulation tactic to keep people at the church.  And it works powerfully because we become convinced that no other church will measure up to our elite church.

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.   Matthew 7:13-14

What we saw modeled to us to get to that narrow path, however,  was works-based religion.  We felt the need to be present at all church meetings.  If there was a car wash evangelism outreach, it was important to be there.  We felt pressure to go out and and evangelize on Friday nights, to other events he deemed important.  We had to use the right formula for evangelism, we had rules of how to dress, there were rules of when women could talk, what members did with our time outside of church.  Somehow, the pastor did not need to say a thing and people still felt  pressure and could hear his rules in their heads.   These were unspoken rules.  I've spoken to a number of people who sensed this pressure and felt guilty for not attending a specific event or teaching.

Religion always teaches that you can get to God by doing something.  Your good standing with God depends on what you do.  Do the law, perform religion, do it right, look good, try hard.  Is that the gate through which we are called to find life?  No.  Those leading people to it are ravenous wolves in sheep's clothing.  They look like sheep, and they appear to be the safest, most righteous, but they lead people down the wrong path.  Jesus plus anything is not Jesus! 

(from The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen)

Look at the verse following the narrow gate passage:

¹⁵ “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.  

I discussed a bit of this with my friend, Pastor Ken Garrett.  Ken has first-hand experience of being involved in an abusive church for over a decade and has studied spiritual abuse at great length.  I always appreciate his insight.  He shared this with me and it goes right along with what we and so many people experience in abusive churches:

Dogmatic, demanding preachers are prone to boast that their "gospel" is THE narrow way; and they can usually point to a truck-load of rules, mores, taboos, and religious expectations and dogmatic doctrines that they've laid on their followers as evidence of just how "narrow" their way is!   Basically, any church that doesn't seem as "strict" as their church immediately is accorded the "broad-and-wide-way-that-leads-to-death" title.  It's the theology of bullies, and is an affront to God's marvelous grace.

Ken is exactly right.  A typical pattern we see in these churches, as Ken alludes to in the last sentence, is a lack of grace.   There is no gospel without grace.  If a pastor says "grace" from the pulpit, but his life and actions reflect otherwise, is he preaching the gospel?  I don't think so.   Preaching is much more than the words coming from the pulpit.  A pastor preaches and models to his congregants through his words and actions after the service, during the week as he rubs shoulders with congregants and those outside the church.  

Anyone can get caught up into a church like ours.  Because so much seemed biblical and accurate from the pulpit, I had difficulty articulating what the real problem was.  I share our personal accounts because my husband and I had been Christians over 30 years and we were fooled.  I knew something was wrong the first time I walked in the place, but could not identify it.    It took leaving the church, getting out of the environment completely to see things clearly, and even then, it was a process.  The wool was pulled over our eyes.  We drank the Kool-Aid.  The after-effects of the Kool-Aid are wretched and painful.  We are still dealing with it.  

I hope our story helps to illustrate how false teachers creep in and can get even seasoned Christians fooled.  Just because your pastor teaches the hard gospel and uses scripture to back it up, and preaches against false teachers, calling them out, does not mean that your pastor is not a wolf.  Scripture says that they creep in unnoticed.    Their objective is to devour.  Look for the inconsistencies in their words.  If they preach grace, is the fruit evident in their lives and words away from the pulpit and in their personal life in dealings with others?  






photo credit: Norma Desmond via photopin cc

The BGBC Google Review Soap Opera

Some readers have been watching the Google reviews on my former church and sometimes give me a "heads up" if they notice new or strange activity.  I guess it's like a form of warped entertainment?   haha   Pass the bon bons, I've got on my loungewear, let's go.  Anyway, I've had a few laughs at the ongoing changes.

Google has changed their rating system a bit.  I notice reviews are disappearing.  At one point there were over 960 or so reviews - keep in mind most of those were from the Streisand effect from the media attention - people who had never visited the church wanted to get their $.02 in about a pastor who suesd mothers and their adult children.  Now there are 678 total reviews.   I grabbed the screen shot of the Google page above because it has changed so much.  I wonder how many man-hours Google staff has wasted dealing with the reviews from my former church?  

Someone notified me that Hannah's (my adult daughter and former defendant in the lawsuit) review was missing.  I checked and also asked another friend to check and we could not find her review.  She had updated it after our court victory back in late July.  Why did Google remove it?  Did someone flag it?  A couple days later, it returned.  Strange happenings!

One other thing - I cannot find my review anywhere!  What's up with that?  I won the court case and my review should be there.   So, should I do a new review?  hmmm . . . . decisions . . . . 

Peppermint Patty is a current member at the church and it looks like she revised her review within the last week:

I have a few comments to make about Patty's review.  We see right away that she also calls people who left reviews, "God-haters".  That is pretty judgmental.  As discussed in an earlier post, I counted "hate" seven times in current church member Liz's old review (pictured below).  The way Liz and Patty use this "hate" word makes me think this phrase is commonly used, especially in reference to former church members.  Ouch!  I don't consider the word "God-hating" to be very kind or loving; yet, they try to convince us in their reviews that they are a Christ-honoring congregation committed to reach the lost.  I wonder how the "lost" would feel if they knew of this kind of talk among this "Christ-honoring" congregation.  

Secondly, it appears that Patty is reprimanding the large amount of people who left negative reviews and who never attended the church.  Well, that's very interesting.  Patty didn't seem to mind when her own pastor along with other members used the Google review forum to review ME!!!  My name is and was never up for review.  Have they, too,  violated Google's review policy?  Maybe so.  I haven't checked, but it makes no sense to allow reviews to be posted that aren't reviewing the business in question (oh, and of course they rated their review of ME as 5 stars so as not to sabotage their own church's rating - - I don't think the 5 stars was because they really like me - BOO!)   

Finally, I noticed that Liz has a new and improved review posted.  This is the 3rd review that I have been able to get a screen shot of.  I missed one.  Anyway, I thought it would be fun to do a little comparison.  It's a lot more fun analyzing Google reviews than discussing sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, and spousal abuse, isn't it?   Well, I need the diversion, so here goes:

Just eight days ago, on October 15, I posted about the following in a blog post:

The above review "mysteriously" disappeared after my post drawing attention to it.  Funny how that works.  (We noticed similar patterns at the church website, too.)   Liz then posted another review, but I didn't get a screen shot of it.  The following review (3rd review) is posted below.  I think it remained online maybe 1 or 2 days before it, too, disappeared.

And finally, today I noticed this new review was posted.  I don't know when it was originally posted as I don't check Google reviews daily.  Anyway, if you've been counting along with me, we are up to 4 review revisions in 8 days by Liz.  Has the church really changed that much in 8 days?  Probably not.

Look how much it has changed! The latest Google review entry is quite short and apparently Liz has added a fan - now 4 out of 30 people found her review helpful.   I wonder what tomorrow brings on:  As the Google Review World Turns.   

I'll be sure to keep you updated.  If you have any observations on the reviews, I'd love to read your conclusions.  My readers are usually quite sharp!

BGBC Church Members Still Leaving Reviews on Google

I know - this is a quick diversion.  I just could not help myself.

Remember this guy?   The Energizer bunny?  The bumping down of reviews by current church members reminds me of that old Energizer Bunny commercial - - - who keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going . . . 

Current BGBC member Liz A  (yes, I know her last name, but I won't publicize it, unlike her pastor who filed a civil lawsuit against me and my name and pictures are now plastered all over the internet, thank you very much, Chuck)  couldn't stay away from the Google reviews and rewrote her Google review, bumping down the negative ones.   It looks like BGBC member  Peppermint Patty also revised her review last month.  

I thought of responding to every statement of Liz's review, but decided to demonstrate shocking restraint.  Instead, I will offer a few thoughts:


Perusing the review, I tallied the use of the word "hate" seven times.  Patty, the BGBC member who revised her review below Liz's also used the word "hate" in her review.  


Surprisingly, through all of the pain so many of the former members have experienced from the pastor/elder and members as a result of shunning, recording private conversations, stalking on social networks, etc, I have never heard even one person mention that they hate anyone from BGBC, including the pastor.  The notion that former members hate current members or the pastor is completely false.  


The most common heart-felt expression I've heard is that they love the current people of BGBC.  They feel sad for those who remain and pray for them.  When the first group of people who left heard that a new group of people had left - nearly 3 years later, we all rejoiced at the news and could not wait to reconnect with them.  Even though those people had hurt us immensely by avoiding us, refusing to talk to us, we still wanted to reach out and connect with them.  We never stopped thinking of them and praying for them.   No, Liz, there is no hate from former members.  The only hate I see is in your words.  Where is that coming from, Liz?     

Liz also uses the word "slander".  Slander is defined as "the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation".     The court said that none of the words we used were "defamatory".  In fact not even one of the words/phrases met even the first tier of the definition of defamation.  Liz, accusing us of slander is a false statement and could perhaps be a slanderous statement.  

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is

than a fattened ox and hatred with it.

(Proverbs 15:17 ESV)

photo credit: sweet mustache via photopin cc

Hannah's Personal Story in Her Own Words

Readers:  I've had this post in my "draft posts" for quite some time, but the time to post it is now and I will explain more about that very soon.  You'll see why it is important to hear from her own words.

I shared my perspective of Hannah's story in the most popular blog post, In Honor of Hannah.   What's interesting is that our former pastor has obviously included Hannah in the phrase "Julie Anne and those with her," because she was part of the $500,000 defamation lawsuit.  Hannah had no interest in the dealings of the church after leaving, of waging war with God, the church, with families as has been said.   She's been too busy working full-time and going to school full-time getting her degree trying to survive on her small income.

I texted Hannah earlier today and she knows I am posting her story and gave permission to post this picture taken of us at her graduation (might as well finally post a decent picture considering all of the funky media pictures out there of us - lol - proud mama moment right there!).  She said she will probably add more to the story when she gets home from work today because this was written months ago before we won the lawsuit, so you can check back later for any additions.

Hannah's Personal Story in Her Own Words

I’ve been wanting to write a more detailed account of my side of the story, and with it becoming viral and the numerous questions my mother has faced such as the common “how could she do that to her oldest daughter?” I thought maybe if I shared my perspective so they can see it is not just my mother’s story, for I’m a BGBC survivor as well.

We started attending BGBC shortly after I celebrated my homeschool high-school graduation with a few other homeschoolers from our old church where I had been a part of most of my middle and high-school years. With many of my friends then going off to other college campuses, my family wanted to find a church that was going a different direction, namely more towards evangelism by door-to-door knocking and conversations with strangers wherever we could find them.  

At first, I enjoyed it. I had been passionate about my beliefs for much of my life, I had taught bible classes in Pioneer Girls and Awanas, been on a couple of overseas missions trips to Honduras and Portugal, and thought that God was calling me to be a missionary to Muslims overseas. My father and I had always had a strong connection with regards to spiritual matters, we went to evangelism and creation seminars together whenever we could. In my growing up years, my mother and I seemed to have a strained relationship, even though we always ended up talking through the issues. I seemed to be generally in and out of trouble, little things constantly. I pushed her buttons, but all in all, I don’t think I was a “bad” child. I was the oldest, and I liked to do my own thing.

Skip forward a couple of years, I had never formally joined BGBC as a member. I was taking classes at the local community college where I met a guy. He challenged me to re-think everything I knew and believed in. He didn’t want me to leave Christianity (he actually still considers me a Christian even though I no longer profess a belief). But through discussions with him, I started to look at my life and realized that I was living in a bubble. That bubble was basically white, middle-class, Christian, homeschooling families. It was a small segment of a much bigger world. I wanted to explore life and see what it meant to me without feeling pressure from anything or anyone else.

So here I was almost 21, working 4 part-time nanny jobs so I could put myself through a full-time school load to finish my degree (and I didn’t have a car due to my finances and wanting to complete school as fast as I could, so I biked or bused my commutes). When I added up the time I was at BGBC, which alone was about 20 hours a week including Friday night evangelizing on the street or at malls. Christianity was such an ingrained part of my family’s life that there was no way that I’d be allowed to live at home and not go to church. Plus I’d still have my family responsibilities and chores. I was honestly suffering burn-out with all the activities I had to do. I loved my family, adored my siblings, and respected my parents, but I knew and they knew that I couldn’t do what I wanted and live with them at the same time.

So I told my parents that I was doubting my faith and I wanted to move out so I could explore my possibilities and figure myself out. I think that tore both of my parents’ hearts in two. We were a close family, we did everything together. I still think I have the best brothers in the world, and how many sisters say that? I have a sister who I adore, and while we had our moments, she was my best friend, and I spoiled her as much as I could.  

Even if my parents had agreed that I didn’t have to go to church and could stay home to be with the family, I still think I would have moved out. I wanted a clean break from everything. I would still have had to work around seeing my Christian friends who would have felt compelled to try to “bring me back”. I would still have had those awkward run-ins at the grocery store. I didn’t want my parents to have to give an answer for my actions if I had been seen drinking an alcoholic beverage, or wearing clothes that didn’t fit the BGBC “dress code”. I wasn’t planning on being irresponsible with my life or my body. I didn’t move out so I could get drunk, go to parties, try drugs, or act like a crazy college girl. I wanted to do it the right way as much as possible, which I think I succeeded. Moving across town was very helpful and aided my healing since I was able to be myself and not have to look over my shoulder to make sure someone I used to know hadn’t seen me drink that beer. (Note, my parents don’t have anything against alcohol, but anyone at the church could have spun it a wrong way.)

My father, in utter disbelief that I could denounce my faith (he was a Calvinist so this was unthinkable and practically an impossibility in his mind) and Chuck arranged a “meeting” with me that truthfully was really coerced.  I did not want to be there. They sat me down in his office and read verse after verse and got me to feel sorry and repentant by pointing out that I respected my elders and so should do what they said.  

Pastor Chuck’s best idea for getting me to “come back to the faith” was to take away my cell phones (I had two, the contract was in my name, that I entirely paid for), forbid me from going on the internet, told me to stop taking classes in a “worldly” school, as well as leave my various jobs, and that I was to stay home all day and basically only leave it to go to church.  

After thinking about that for a day or two, I decided that that was utterly ridiculous and sounded like brain-washing to me. I thought, “If Christianity is that great, shouldn’t it be obvious? Why can’t I go out on my own? If it’s so great, I’ll for sure come back to the faith anyways - following their logic”. I knew I could ask questions, but I had a feeling the answers would be skewed, and hammered down into me like I was treated at that meeting. I wanted to be treated like an adult, to be given the pros and cons, to have the other adults admit that I had valid concerns, and not act like I was stupid and under the influence of a male friend who they thought might be trying to steal me away from the faith, the church, and my family.

I was 21, a legal adult. I could move out and find the answers to my questions if I wanted. As my mother has explained so eloquently before, this was not an easy decision. I had to be willing to give up my family, my siblings, my friends (since they were all Christians), my jobs, and temporarily suspend my college classes. My father (under influence I believe of Chuck) had told me that they weren’t going to help me in any way. I didn’t want them to help. I was going to sink or swim, and damn if I wasn’t going to do it all by myself (which is the story of my life, my mother will tell you). I hoped that they would soften up. I didn’t want to lose my family, but I knew I had to get out or I would go crazy. If nothing else, I would work my hardest so that my siblings would have a place to go if they decided they needed to get out as well. It was definitely going to be harder since I wouldn’t have my home-cooked meals, or even a bed at that time. I would have to work to provide everything I needed, but I could do it. I was determined.

I did leave, about two weeks after my 21st birthday. I remember it well. December 31st, 2008. I went to church one last time, said a quick goodbye to my friends (most of whom only found out that I was leaving at that time), called an LDS lady I had connected with on craigslist and she and her boyfriend picked up me and my belongings. I thought it fitting that I left on Sunday, after church, and that the first day of the new year was the first day of my new life. From that point on, I never referred to myself as a Christian. I don’t hold any judgment on those that do, but I’m tired of the endless debates that go on between and within any type of believer, be it pagan, atheist, mormon, baptist, etc. I’ve realized that we all have our beliefs, and trying to persuade someone who is convinced otherwise is a waste of my valuable time.

With regards to me and my family and particularly my parents. I honestly believe we were in a cult. It’s like a gas that has no smell or taste, you can’t sense it until you are under its effects. Once you are out of its grasp, you can look back and realize that you were under its influence, I’ve heard people say that hindsight is 20/20 vision, I think that is true. I don’t fault my parents for how they reacted to my declaration. They believed and acted in the way they thought best at that time. I can look back and see that they acted differently in the few years they were at BGBC than they had ever acted in the 18 years prior. Since then, we have spent countless hours talking, going over what happened, apologizing to each other, etc. My mother never stopped talking me me, seeking to rebuild a stronger relationship on a foundation of communication and openness. The current bond between my mother and I is stronger than it has ever been in the past. I’m not going to hold what happened in the past over her head, I don’t think like that. It happened, she has felt horrible about it, I could have moved out in a more gracious way, but dwelling on it doesn’t help. Would my parents and I have done it differently at the time if we knew then what we know now? Of course. There were failures and stumbles on both sides.

But in the end, my parents had raised me right. They had given me the tools to be a productive independent adult. I was able to stand on my own two feet, think for myself, live my life, and make friends. I had a found a job near my apartment within a month, and have been employed ever since, even able to occasionally tutor high schoolers in math. I saved my hard-earned money to buy my first car and paid it off in 5 months. I worked a full-time job and attended school full-time at University of Phoenix to attain my Bachelor’s Degree in Business, attending school during the summer and skipping possible vacations so I could do it by taking as few student loans as possible. I am still to this day involved in various volunteer opportunities. My parents had succeeded with me.

Speed up to last December. My mother had said that she had written a review on BGBC’s website and it wasn’t there anymore. We had already noticed the church members’ tactics of burying the negative google reviews under their positive ones by slightly tweaking their reviews so they’d stay consistently on top. When she said that, I thought that I’d write a review, partly as a way to defend my mother, as well as a way to tell my own story. That church had hurt me. It had caused a rift between me and my parents. So I wrote my review, and it was buried, but it stayed there.

And now here we are today. I don’t think Chuck’s lawsuit was aimed at me, it’s aimed at my mother. I was fuel to add to the fire. Chuck never tried to contact me after I left the church. I never knew if I was shunned or excommunicated, as I didn’t talk or associate with anyone at that church unless they initiated the conversation. I lived a good 45 minutes away on the other side of town purposely so I wouldn’t accidentally run into people I knew from my “old” life. Honestly, I was busy just living my life, finishing up my Bachelor’s degree, building my career, finding new friends. But now I’m involved in a half-a-million dollar lawsuit. Life has a strange way of working. But I’m glad I’m in this . I will stand by my mother every step of the way. It’s her blog, but she, and I, and the other defendants, and EVERYONE has a right to their opinion, especially if they believe it’s the truth. The best defense against defamation is just that - the truth. And the truth is what my mother wrote, and truth is what I wrote.

I'm issuing a Trigger Alert.  This means anything below this point in the comments section may be emotionally upsetting.  I have had enough personal e-mails to know that many of my readers have been affected negatively by Fred Butler's comments.  I urge you to read at your own risk.  

No Gossip Allowed in My Church!

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Summer and winter, and spring-time and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

I hope you will indulge me with a slight diversion.  I went for a walk this morning and saw this . . . .

and a little further down the path where there were more trees and greenery, and an island in the middle of the river where birds congregate, I heard this:

Check this out on Chirbit

(ok, I'm a dork, but I love that loud squawk at the end). 

It's been a year since we have moved from the land of green and never-ending rain in the Portland, OR area to the land of dry desert (only 4 hours away!) in eastern Washington.  I love lush green and could never imagine living in the desert, but now when I look at the above photo, I see beauty - immense beauty, and I'm so thankful to be at a place where I can look around and see this.  I've experienced all four seasons here and it is a different kind of beauty than what I'm used to, but it is breathtaking to me now.  I see God's wonderful creation, both in the lush green and now in the desert.  God is not limited to a church building (and the people said AMEN!).  I want to encourage those who are struggling with God and how to find Him, to take a step back and connect with Him in safe places, on a morning walk, in song, in your relationships, etc.  Find what feels safe and rest there for a bit.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,  because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. 

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,  because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Romans 1:18-21

Once again, the comments have led the discussion to this topic and I think it's important to dig a little deeper and talk about gossip as it relates to spiritually abusive churches.  

Gossip is an important topic in any church, actually in any environment, work, school, etc.  The bible is clear that it can tear down relationships and cause great division.  There are numerous verses on the topic, but here are a few:

“a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28)

 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,  slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,  foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.  Rom 1:29-32

And here we read specifically about women as “gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to” (1 Timothy 5:12-13).  Ouch!

Dictionary's definition of gossip:  casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true

The author of this article breaks the word gossip into six categories:

These are the 6 things that fall under the category of gossip. If anyone who calls themselves a person who loves the Lord, sings the praises of God, worships in fellowship with other believers, pray, read the Word of God, say they love God and at the same time engage in gossip and everything that goes along with gossip,(busybody, talebearer, slander, evil whispering, evil speaking and backbiting), is practicing hypocrisy therefore making that person a hypocrite! 
 

Yes, there is no doubt, gossip is a serious problem and we must be careful to not get caught in the trap. 

Early this morning, I approved a one-word comment:  "Gossip".  I was in bed when I approved it and unable to see the context, so my brain went on a wild goose chase trying to figure out the context.  I found the context here and it made sense:

 * * * * * * *

wallflowerJuly 4, 2012 9:12 PM

"on Saturday night, we got the call from an elder that we were not welcome to come to church there anymore." Every time you post this I get the creeps. In our case there was a Saturday night phone call from the same "elder" who called you that effectively ended our time at the so-called church. Current attenders, be cautious if you get a Saturday night call from this elder! You may want to record it for legal reasons.

Julie AnneJuly 4, 2012 11:31 PM

I'm not sure who you are, but I'll bet we could have an interesting time sharing creepy stories.

AnonymousJuly 6, 2012 12:14 AM

Gossip

WillJuly 6, 2012 4:44 AM

To Anonymous--

Not gossip, truth. Gossip is what comes from a certain pulpit where, instead of preaching the gospel of grace, members and former members of the church are railed against, by name, with lies and half-truths (again, lies).

THAT is gossip. It's not excused because it comes from a pastor or from the pulpit. Imagine where that church would be if he worried less about others--and himself--and more about Christ and His flock.

People sharing true experiences is not gossip.

* * * * * * 

Will's comment was spot on!  The no-gossip rule ties in clearly with the "no-talk" rule (which is defined here in the Definition Section).  You see, if people were allowed to talk and share their experiences, enough people would have seen a pattern and this could have been dealt with before it got this far.  Instead, we have a cycle of "don't gossip", with pastor/elders reading scriptures like Hebrews 13:7 (Remember those who rule over you...) to hush us.  Bottom line is our talk was controlled.  We did not have liberty to discuss truths that we experienced freely because it was labeled as gossip.  

Truth sometimes is divisive.  It doesn't mean it is always gossip.  We need to be careful about that.  What is the intention of our heart when we share our experiences?  Is it in anger or malice?  I know my intention for going public.  It was to say:  YO!!!  There's a problem here.  God is not being honored in this situation, and in fact, God is being trampled upon by false teachings, hearts are turning AWAY from God, HELP!!!!

Will addresses something that I hadn't considered regarding gossip from the pulpit.  He frequently mentioned current conflicts from the pulpit (between him and other "so-called" pastors, etc,), so it would only make sense that he would be bringing this lawsuit to the forefront of conversation at the church.  Look at what he posted publicly about me and others:

Chuck O'Neal ‎ - Nov 18, 2009

JulieAnne's Destructive Slander Continues To Whom It May Concern: Almost a year ago JulieAnne and her husband were Biblically put out of Beaverton Grace Bible Church with a group of families and individuals that were engaged in ongoing divisive slander. After attending many churches and leaving them in a similar manner, the group has now splintered. Many of those in this factious group no longer attend church at all. It is sad to see that JulieAnne remains steadfast in her destructive behavior. For obvious reasons we exhort you to heed the following Scriptures:  Prov 6:16-19 16 These six things the LORD hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: 17 A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, 18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, 19 A false witness who speaks lies, And ONE WHO SOWS DISCORD AMONG BRETHREN. Prov 16:28 A perverse man SOWS STRIFE, And A WHISPERER SEPARATES THE BEST OF FRIENDS. Prov 26:20 Where there is NO WOOD, THE FIRE GOES OUT; And where there is NO TALEBEARER, STRIFE CEASES. Rom 16:17-18 NOW I URGE YOU, BRETHREN, NOTE THOSE WHO CAUSE DIVISIONS AND OFFENSES, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and AVOID THEM. 18 For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple. Titus 3:9-11 But AVOID FOOLISH DISPUTES, genealogies, CONTENTIONS, and strivings about the law; for THEY ARE UNPROFITABLE AND USELESS. 10 REJECT A DIVISIVE MAN AFTER THE FIRST AND SECOND ADMONITION, 11 KNOWING THAT SUCH A PERSON IS WARPED AND SINNING, being self-condemned. It is our prayer that there will be no more wood thrown upon the fire of contentiousness, strife, discord, and division. It is our prayer that the fire will go out and that the body of Christ at BGBC will be able to press on “in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel” (Phil. 1:27). It is our prayer that those who started the fire and have cut, stacked, and stoked much wood upon it, will repent, for God's glory and their blessing. If you have any questions, please contact the pastor and elders. May we be evermore convinced of mankind's sinfulness and of our need for God's amazing grace through faith in His beloved Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. God STILL has the whole world and His Church in His very capable hands. For Christ and His Church, Pastor Chuck O'Neal, Elder Dave Loynes, Elder Dale Weaver

 and this is another review:

DEFAMATION IS A CRIME: It is convenient and crafty to wage a three and a half year war of reviling defamation in which you and those with you ACCUSE THE PASTOR AND CHURCH OF HORRIFIC CRIMES AGAINST GOD AND MEN, to then hide behind 1 Cor. 6:7-8.

FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS JULIEANNE AND THOSE WITH HER, HAVE BEEN ENGAGED IN PUBLIC, CHURCH TO CHURCH, AND WORLD WIDE WEB DEFAMATION IN A SELFISH WILLINGNESS TO DISCREDIT GOD, HARM THE CHURCH, HARM WIVES, HARM CHILDREN, AND HARM THE TESTIMONY OF CHRIST'S GOSPEL. 

IN MATTERS OF GREAT DAMAGE TO OURSELVES OR FAMILIES, WE MAY USE LAWFUL MEANS TO RIGHT OURSELVES. WE ARE NOT BOUND TO SIT DOWN AND SUFFER THE INJURY TAMELY, WITHOUT STIRRING FOR OUR OWN RELIEF;

Anonymous is convinced that I am a gossip.  If the above was posted publicly, I can only imagine what is said to the remaining church privately and in church meetings to the congregation.  If this is what that congregation sees and perhaps hears on an ongoing base from the pastor, is it any wonder that I get "divisive" comments on my blog from time to time.  These comments are meant to challenge me.  The people in the church have come along side him in his thinking and I and "those with me" are considered the enemy.  

In the context above, the Anonymous poster felt that sharing our creepy stories is gossip.  Stories that we might share with one another may be hard to hear, is uncomfortable, but it is the truth and not gossip.  I am speaking the truth in the most loving way I know because I care and love that body of Believers.  I care for their souls.  And believe it or not, I have love for the pastor as well.  The people of that church need a pastor who cares for their souls, not one who goes after former members in creepy ways.  Going after former members is destructive and a distraction to the real responsibility of a pastor.  It must be stopped.  So until it is stopped, those of us who have left must continue speaking the truth in love - - - which is NOT gossip. 

Additional Former Church Member Has Been Sued!

I'll get to the subject of the former church member sued in just a moment, but want to make sure this point is told:  I believe that suing former church members is just an extension of the spiritual abuse.  How can that be?  Let me explain.

This is old news - the no-talk rule in spiritually abusive environment.  We are going to discuss it once again.  Please read this definition to make sure you understand the powerful effect it has on continuing the cycle of spiritual abuse.  This is so important.  Breaking this particular rule will often be the first step in getting out of the trap of spiritual abuse: 

No-talk rule: 

In abusive spiritual systems, people's lives are controlled from the outside in by rules, spoken and unspoken. Unspoken rules are those that govern unhealthy churches or families but are not said out loud. Because they are not said out loud, you don't find out that they're there until you break them.

The most powerful of all unspoken rules in the abusive system is what we have already termed the "can't talk" rule. The "can't talk" [rule] has this thinking behind it: "The real problem cannot be exposed because then it would have to be dealt with and things would have to change; so it must be protected behind walls of silence (neglect) or by assault (legalistic attack). If you speak about the problem, you are the problem. (The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse By David Johnson and Jeff Vanvonderen (Bethany House, 1991, 2005))

One of the most common characteristics of someone who is a spiritual abuser is they try to control their congregants and even former congregants.  Sometimes they try to control aspects of their personal life - as in what they can and cannot say.  In the church, if you talk about the problem, you are told that you are not obeying the authority God has placed before you, or you need to check the sin in your own heart, that you are being divisive, gossiping, etc.

When you voice the problem outside the church after leaving, you may be told that you are a Jezebel, have the sin of Korah, you are waging war with God and His church, slanderers, divisive, etc.   We, former congregants, have become the big "problem" in the no-talk rule.

For those new to this blog, my former pastor did not like me posting negative Google reviews about my experiences and had them removed.   This is an example of the no-talk rule.  I got tired of my reviews being removed and began this blog.  Within a few days of beginning this blog, I received my subpoena.  He did not want me to have this blog and to post my story because he knew it meant that the "problem" was going to be discussed.  In an unhealthy church, outside appearances are paramount and it ruins that perfect image by saying there are problems.  He was unable to get my blog removed as he had done with Google reviews.   Instead, he resorted to civil/legal measures to continue that spiritual abuse (no-talk rule) and used the lawsuit in order to force me and others into not talking.   

The original lawsuit included four defendants:  a mother and adult son, my adult daughter (Hannah), and me.  The adult son was recently dropped from the lawsuit before our May 21 court date, so that left 3 defendants remaining.  We had heard that they were going to subpoena another former church, Meaghan,  and received documents to that effect, but nothing happened, even though her name was written on court documents.

While normal people were enjoying this Memorial Weekend, Meaghan was finally served and got the formal notification that her former pastor was in fact taking her to court for saying her mind and for standing up against someone who seems to be trying to keep people from talking.

Meaghan was the first former congregant to leave her real name on a comment on this blog.  He apparently didn't like Meaghan commenting and soon after that first comment, my attorney was notified that Meaghan would be subpoenaed.  Doesn't it make sense that by suing the first person who left her name, he is sending the very strong message that if you dare to post on Julie Anne's blog, you, too, could be sued?  Are you getting the pattern?

How the No-Talk Rule was Enforced by the Pastor

 

I posted negative Google reviews ----->   pastor removed them

I began blog ------>   pastor sued me

Meaghan leaves comment on my blog  ------>   pastor sued Meaghan
I blogged -------> pastor amended lawsuit & added add'l "defamatory" phrases

I remember the first time I saw Meaghan's comment with her name.  My heart skipped a beat as I realized what a strong woman she was,  willing to stand strong in what she believes to be the truth.  Meaghan, I know there are so many who are reading this who are applauding you and your bold stance.

Note to my blog readers:  you've seen the pattern.  If you leave your name on a comment in my blog, you very well could be sued.  If you leave a negative review on a review site, you could be sued.  I want you to be free to voice your comments and I am absolutely fine with people using pseudonyms in comments - make up a name - no need to add an URL.  There is no way for me to track ISPs or personal information from people who leave comments here.  I don't want that fear to control you and keep you from talking if you want to share something here.

This method of bullying people into not talking by using lawsuits to keep quiet will only go so far.  There are over 970 reviews on the Google site now, approximately 940 are negative.   It costs $505 for the court filing fee. There are also most likely attorney fees.

Soon the congregants will most likely tire of seeing their church's name and pastor in the limelight for doing something they and most Christians know is forbidden in scripture.  Maybe it will eventually sink in that the church leaders they have respected for years (John MacArthur, Phil Johnson) absolutely disagree with lawsuits against Christians and they may not want to align themselves with a pastor who seems to be doing his own thing by disregarding the wisdom of so many.  

Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints? ² Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? ³ Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life? ⁴ If then you have judgments concerning things pertaining to this life, do you appoint those who are least esteemed by the church to judge? ⁵ I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? ⁶ But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers!

⁷ Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? ⁸ No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! ⁹ Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,^[a] nor sodomites, ¹⁰ nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.   1 Corinthians 6:1-11

A number of pastors have privately e-mailed me and told me they have sent Chuck e-mails encouraging him to withdraw the lawsuit.  It appears he continues to disagree with their wise scriptural counsel, in lieu of protecting image/reputation.    This is a principle that is completely against scripture.  God is not so concerned about personal reputation and image, but the heart.

My former pastor doesn't know me too well.   He may have thought that I would back down in fear after being subpoenaed.  Chuck, I know you read this blog.  I saw the pile of papers in front of you as you sat next to me during the court hearing.  (How could I miss my son's large drawing from the blog page you printed out? )   I do not fear men, I fear God.  I will continue to tell my story.  Now, more than ever, I am compelled to stand up - not only for those who were bullied at my former church, but for all spiritual abuse victims who have contacted me in the comment section and via private e-mail - some who are living in fear, afraid to step one foot in church because of the similar spiritual bullies they have encountered.

This is much bigger than BGBC.  It's about all of those who use their spiritual authority to bully others.  Thanks, Chuck, for suing me so that I have a platform to speak out against this atrocity in churches.  If you keep suing others,  it will be clear to all Christians and atheists alike what is going on.  Those who spiritually bully people do NOT represent Christ.

Do you see John MacArthur suing because of this?  or this?  or this?  (and there are lots more)  I think not. 

There is righteous anger burning inside of me.  These precious souls should not be living in fear, afraid of pastors, unable to trust even decent and true Shepherds.   They need to be able to be free from that fear, to be able to be in a place with love and grace and truth.  

Meaghan - the world is watching as our former pastor sues 4 women:  3 moms and 1 young lady.   I love you, friend, and we stand together.  God is in control.