Saturday, May 19, 2012

Trying Church Again



My kids have been having fun this week tracking their mama around on the internet and have been greatly amused that they can type "Julie Anne lawsuit" in their Google search field and see their mama.  I'm not sure what I think about it.  Not only has the mainstream media picked up the story, but other groups as well:  civil rights, atheist/agnostic, Huffington Post, liberal groups, women's lib, etc.  We've been reading through many comments.   There are a lot of people who say:  why not just go find another church.   Many, many on these more liberal sites expressed:  "And this is why I left the church".     

I find it interesting that the man who accused me of profanity against him and the church has publicly accused me of waging war against God and the church.  Really??   I'm waging war against God and the church?   No, people are abandoning churches because of hyper-authority and spiritual abuse . . . . some never to return.  Now tell me who is waging war?






 think on that thought for a little bit . . . . . . . !!!!  






Those who have commented:  "why not just go find another church".  They are thinking in very simple terms - if you don't like the church, move along, without understanding that it can have similar psychological issues as someone in an emotional, sexual, or physically abusive relationship.  The end result is sometimes the same.   Universally,  abuse survivors will tend to have trust issues and control issues they will have to work through. 


This reader expresses the problem so well.  What now?  How do you find a new church?  How can you trust a new pastor?

I disagree that when you are in an abusive church, you never go back to one. Some of us take more than one hit to realize you walked right back into it, and be careful not to do it again. I think it has something to do with the dance of a narcissist. They can turn on the compassion, and tone down the abusive rhetoric.
In my last situation, I knew of this Pastor's reputation, but didn't see it displayed. I thought "we all learn and grow - he's probably changed." Nope. And yes, now I am afraid to try another church. We are home churching for now, with the group who left. And I don't think there really is a church here (I've lived here all my life and I know what's out there) that is OK. One very near me - I love the Pastor's wife, but feel uncomfortable with the Pastor.
There is something about every church that I have issue with, whether it's their doctrine, or name it claim it, or finding glitter on their hands (It's a sign!!) and crowing like a rooster, or pastor seems to not look you in the eye when he talks to you but seems fixated on other areas (even when you're dressed modestly and not particularly curvy), another pastor seems wayyyy too interested in the children and raising red flags all over the place, I could go on and on and on. I have to be careful that I'm not taking on the attitude of the abusive church that said "we're the only place" but be discerning at the same time.
The church is a mess! And I am hurting and have no idea who or what to trust any more. My main prayer is "Lord, help me... help us ... help our family." I have a son who doesn't know if he believes any more. It is heartbreaking. The one thing *I* know is that God is there ... and He knows right where I am.

Anonymous speaks for so many people in that comment.  And please note once again - the son is obviously having a crisis of faith, too.  People . . . . . this is happening in churches?!?!!!!!  

It is very difficult to find a church after spiritual abuse.  Let's open it up for discussion here.  What are signs of a good church?  What do you look for in a pastor?  What do you look for in the congregation?  I think the opposite is good to point out, too:  signs of an unhealthy church, spiritually abusive pastor (although I probably have a lot of that listed in the blog, but if you think of others, please post a comment).  Let's talk.   After we get a good list going of both positives and negatives, I will save the list on the blog.  This is something very practical to do and can help a multitude of people who are struggling at this point.  Who wants to go back to an abusive church?  Some people may not be able to risk it emotionally.  

I want to let you know that each week, Pastor Wade Burleson offers an eChurch  - a pre-recorded church service which is posted each Saturday at the Wartburg Watch blog.  Take a look at the new service here.    There are praise songs, prayers, and a video sermon.  I've watched two services and found them very good and uplifting.  Wade Burleson has a blog and has posted about spiritual abuse and pastors who abuse their authority.  He has a sensitive heart for people like us.  If you are one who has no desire to go to church after your experience, give this a try.  It could just be the balm to soothe your soul for this season of healing.  

I have been so touched by the personal e-mails of support and especially for those who have reached out to me to tell me your personal story.  Some of you have not told your story to anyone before and for you to reach out to me shows great strength and a desire to get healed.   I'm honored that you trusted me.  Keep telling your story.  Make up a name here and start telling your piece by piece as things come to your mind.  We will rally around you and offer support.  The stories of abuse are all so similar whether in my church on the West coast or someone's church on the East coast. 

And there are also those who have e-mailed me telling me that you have contacted our former pastor.   Good!  We must speak out when we see wrongs being done.  Thank you for being proactive!

55 comments:

  1. I'd watch for a narcissistic personality disorder. We're all narcissists in a small fashion, or we'd have no ego. But a church setup with no oversight of the pastor and in some cases, no formal pastoral credentials or psychological testing is ripe for this kind of personality to control.

    "A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy." Sound familiar? Straight out of the DMS-IV-R. It goes on about intense reactions to criticism and difficulties tolerating criticism. Some people with this disorder get others to merge with them and support them. And they are good at it. They support their ego by getting others to attack with them. Everything and everyone who isn't feeding their ego is against them. Resist and you are the enemy.

    Anonymous in this post mentioned going to a church thinking the pastor may have changed. But that's the problem with a narcissistic personality disorder. They don't change - it's rare and requires an incredible amount of work. And would a pastor who truly wanted to change remain in a position that provides too much temptation? That would be like someone trying to give up alcohol while working in a bar.

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    1. This is the "anon" who's comment is featured in this post. I would not have recognized this pastor as a narcissist at first, according to this description. In hindsight - yes, indeed. But the feigned humility - feigned empathy - he had me really fooled. Plus, I had just been really, really hurt by another church split that tore friends and family from our midst (thank you, other narcissist lying pastor). I cried every day for about a year - the loss was just too much. This pastor was a wolf, and poured on the empathy toward us - I now believe it was to get a foot in the door. You see, we didn't go to "his" church. We invited him into ours. We handed him the key. And that really, really hurts. I want to say so much more about this all, but no time right now. I will say that I do keep learning - but what I didn't understand before about the narcissist definitely left me wide open - twice in a row.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous, keep telling your story. It will teach others what not to do. Imagine if someone had taught you what you now know - but before you invited that pastor in. I think if a potential pastor appears to have no problems at all, if he (or she) seems perfect, than that's your problem. No one is perfect. A magnetic personality should be the first "Caution" sign. We all want a pastor who is a wonderful preacher, a great hospital and home visitor, a small-group instigator, a great Bible study leader, and a perfect spouse and parent. But that is not reality. If someone looks like that, look deeper. No one person has that many gifts. And always run from anyone who preaches us vs. them - we have it right, the other Christians are all wrong. Only God can speak to individual hearts.

      But don't feel guilty about inviting that pastor in - that's all on him. You didn't know the difference. I'm praying God softens the hearts and opens the eyes of the loved ones you've lost in all this. Such pain.

      Delete
  2. Up to the end of February when you started this blog, what Chuck considers "waging (a) war" against him, his family, and his church for "three and a half years" for was a couple negative google reviews by you and I. I fail to see how that is "waging war" against him. Then he claims that "he has not hastily gone to court", yet he failed to come to us in that 3.5 years to ask us to remove our google reviews, to seek mediation, or try to work our issues out prior going all the way to suing us. I fail to see the grace.

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    1. Well, in his defense, there were more than a couple reviews that I posted; but in my defense, I had to keep posting reviews because they were being removed.

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    2. You're too nice! Even now you defend him as he attempts to destroy your life. You don't deserve this and I hope things work out for you.

      On another note, I hope he enjoys reading (I know I have) and attempting to remove all 915 reviews now present on google.

      Delete
  3. Simple kindness, gentleness, willing to hear a differing opinion...in a word....LOVE!


    1 Peter 5:2-3
    New King James Version (NKJV)

    2 Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, NOT BY COMPULSION but willingly,[a] not for dishonest gain but eagerly; 3 NOR AS BEING LORDS OVER THOSE ENTRUSTED TO YOU, BUT BEING EXAMPLES TO THE FLOCK;

    Matthew 20:25-28
    New King James Version (NKJV)

    25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. 26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. 27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

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    1. It really is that simple, isn't it?

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    2. Julie Anne,
      I'm familiar with your story through TWW.

      I can't recommend this blog highly enough, and this post would be a good place to start:
      Branthansen.typepad.com/letters_from_kamp_krusty/2007/12/we-quit-going-t.html

      Vicki

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  4. Or just google brant hansen we quit going to church.

    It is such a blessing and I found so much freedom through it.
    Vicki

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  5. I'm sure Wade Burleson is a nice guy, but like other Southern Baptist preachers, he obsesses on sexual sins and is in particular anti-gay. He chewed out Andy Stanley for being not sufficiently hostile to gay marriage, and it gets worse from there. If the reason a person bailed on the church was because of the way it treats GLBT people, I doubt you'd find shelter at Burleson's echurch.

    Just a reminder: If Jesus thought homosexuality was such a bad thing, he would have said something, no? He didn't.

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    1. Not sure what bible you read...The Holy Bible that I read states: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination" (Leviticus 18:22). "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" (Leviticus 20:13)

      With that word "abomination" in there, it kinda sounds to me like God pretty much hates homosexuality.

      Not quite sure how a person can define themselves as a Christian and then accept homosexuality. Do y'all just read the portions of the bible you agree with, and pretend like the rest isn't there, or do you actually have Bibles that leave out the stuff that you don't want to hear? I have always wondered that...

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    2. You are kidding right? God hates homosexuality? Does God also hate misbehaving children? Read Deuteronomy 21-18,19. There are many problems taking these verses literally as any educated human must surely understand.

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    3. Julie Anne dons moderator hat: I love dialogue, but let's stick to the topic and not debate side issues. Thanks :)

      Delete
  6. Here you go, in this article, I note 14 things to look for that could spell trouble when looking for a church: http://wp.me/pmd7S-24

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  7. I wrote an article for Provoketive Magazine about abusive ministries, when is it appropriate to pull out the "cult" word, and so on, which included a list of characteristics seen on dangerous and/ or abusive cults. You can read it here : www.provoketive.com/2012/01/16/the-c-word

    Anyway, I did manage to find a wonderful church after I left a spiritually abusive ministry, although I was a little gun shy at first. Some characteristics of a healthy church: they allow questions on leadership decisions, teachings, etc; they do not expect perfection; they discourage gossiping about other members, they encourage members to,go straight to someone the have an issue with, rather than going to leadership to dump on so and so, they don't have a long list of rules and regulations, teachings are biblical, but include The Entire counsel of God, not just a few key verses taken out of context. I could go on, but I encourage all of you: healthy, loving churches do exist!

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    1. Great responses. Thank you, Brooke!

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  8. Good luck with your defense Julie! Maybe once you win you can counter-sue for them defacing your name? ;)

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    1. What?!!! Did they forget the "e" on Anne?

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  9. No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

    I'd say if he thinks a war is being waged upon him, maybe his guilty conscience has been telling on him...As for his actions, they make the man's intent quite clear...he's simply manifesting who he serves.

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  10. Oh great! Wonderful news! Finally! Now we finally have the verdict that we have been missing all along. God really is a woman or maybe you prefer "Trans-Gender", He/She is Father-Mother God!

    Wow.
    You are a flaming demonic heretic!
    http://www.wadeburleson.org/2011/12/god-has-chosen-to-liken-himself-to.html

    Don't be fooled by Wade Burleson's silly trick to woo you into thinking he must be a real man of God because he has books by real men of God.

    You lack discernment because you lack the true Spirit of the God of the Bible, and are none of His.

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    1. "You lack discernment because you lack the true Spirit of the God of the Bible, and are none of His." Is this seriously one Christian talking to another? I am not a Christian and/but I would NEVER speak to anyone -- especially Julie Anne -- this way! How judgmental.

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  11. Your former pastor has far bigger problems to contend with now. Present this material in court and counter-sue him...

    Jesus Discovery Team Accidentally Uncovers Christianity's Oldest and Darkest Secret

    Here is Wisdom...

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  12. I don't understand your need to find a church at all so I can't relate to that, but I do support your freedom of speech and think this lawsuit is ridiculous. Why can't you just believe what you believe and be ok with that? You have friends, right? You have your family, right? Why do you even need a church?

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  13. you wrote:
    "Those who have commented: "why not just go find another church". They are thinking in very simple terms - if you don't like the church, move along, without understanding that it can have similar psychological issues as someone in an emotional, sexual, or physically abusive relationship. The end result is sometimes the same. Universally, abuse survivors will tend to have trust issues and control issues they will have to work through."

    Doesn't this tell you something about the church and/or religious institutions in general? Its not as if this were an uncommon occurrence. From Falwell to Haggart (and many more), not to mention the abuses committed worldwide by catholic priests, there is a history of "holier than thou" leaders of the cult of Jesus. "Do as I say, not as I do," is a common theme. And this is not restricted to just your religion; all organized religions have this problem. I would ask that you look deeper into the religion that you follow and figure out if it is something that you really need in your life; is it healthy for you and your children to be told that they are sinners and scare them into acting a certain way with the punishment for non-compliance being eternal damnation in a fiery hell? I feel for you. I really do. I grew up in a very strict "Christian" household with the father being a cheater, child beater ( luckily this was confined to just me and my younger brother and sister did not have to suffer the way I did.), all-around jerk...until it was time for church services. Then we were the perfect "Christian" family. The type of man that would preach to you from one side of his mouth and the dirtiest joke you ever heard from the other side. I experienced this all around me from the people in the church. I am so glad that I don't have to be subjected to that sort of brainwashing and indoctrination anymore. I hope that you and your family could find the same sort of release.

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    1. It's no wonder you have difficulties with churches with that kind of background. That makes me sick to think that you were subjected to lies not only by your family, but your church as well. Your response to religion is perfectly normal.

      My family is on the road to healing. Thank you so much for reading/commenting.

      Delete
  14. When Wade Burleson is called too conservative by one commenter and too liberal by another commenter (in this comment stream), then Wade Burleson probably nails the truth and grace thing perfectly.

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  15. Julie you are a true Patriot. Do not be intimidated by this church aka cult. THANK YOU.

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  16. I was sued by a religious author who took exception to my negative words about his book on god and his companies unethical marketing tactics.

    I'm an atheist so we have no common ground on the religious issues but I do not see that as relevant; I'm still a human being and I do not like other human beings having to face bullies like the Pastor suing you.

    Good luck in your case.

    Vaughan

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    1. Wow, what a shame - more hypocrisy. A bully is a bully, right? It's time to stand up to it. Thank you for your comment, Vaughan.

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    2. Julie Anne, you may want to get in touch with Vaughan regarding his case. It may be 'case law' for your defense.

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    3. Thanks, Ostracon, I have connected with Vaughan privately. Right now, we're in pretty good stead with the anti-SLAPP motion in effect, but I will keep that in mind should this case go beyond that. I don't think it will.

      Delete
  17. I’ve not read through all the posts and comments on your blog, so maybe someone has already linked to this item, but I wanted to be sure people are aware of it with these conversations:

    http://www.rosemike.net/religion/serm_ess/pres_narc_03.html

    About 10 years ago this report was the first, and one of the few, rays of light for us. I am encouraged by how often Narcissistic Personality Disorder comes up in postings and comments here because 10 years ago I don’t think many Christians even knew the term.

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    1. My brain is fuzzy, but I addressed this issue on one of the earliest posts in this blog. Interestingly, the word narcissist is one of the phrases that is being questioned as "defamatory" in the lawsuit. Chuck O'Neal graduated with a psychology degree and apparently he did not like me using that word. In my Google review, I referenced an article I found on the web called "Narcissism in the Pulpit". That article is much like the one you referenced. Great article, btw.

      Readers: Please check out this article. I think it is a key issue with pastors who abuse: http://www.rosemike.net/religion/serm_ess/pres_narc_03.html

      Delete
  18. I am wondering how your and the pastor's actions and words have elevated Christ and demonstrated love to the unbelieving world--or instead have brought--and continue to bring--shame to the Gospel of Christ in the eyes of believers and non-believers. I suggest you both read Alexander Strauch's book "If You Bite and Devour One Another," based on Galations 5.15: "But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another." Whatever happened to following Christ's commands to be reconciled (Matt. 5.23-24 and Matt. 18.15-17)? Nowhere does Christ command that a Christian set up a blog to air grievances against brothers and sisters in Christ, or to sue a brother or sister. In fact, the opposite is true: "If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints...I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is no one among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother goes to law against another--and this in front of non-believers!" (1 Cor. 6.1-6). Two believers' hypocrisy has cast a horrible shadow on all Christians, and Satan has won another victory.

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    1. I made every effort to follow Biblical guidelines to achieve resolution, but received no response. Another pastor offered to mediate, but the pastor turned this offer down. And then the pastor continued the same methods of hyper-authority - -breaking up families by telling his church to shun members, even to shun their own family. I have never seen an attempt to restore relationships at this church, it is about following everything the pastor says and having no disagreements with him.

      Anonymous - - - Do you think someone should have raised a flag of awareness regarding the Jim Jones situation? I'm just wondering at what point is it appropriate to call out pastors who are damaging the Name of Christ with their actions, altering the Gospel message by not including grace in their words or actions, pastors who are abandoning their hurting sheep and tearing families apart. How long do we sit quietly and watch this? Please tell me!!

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    2. Ditto, Julie. Same happened to me. There was a cold wall of no communication, continuous disregard and ignoring saying women don't use the internet nor phones; then after years I ran into this guy and he said other preachers all agreed with him that he was faultless; (they turned out to be relatives and a few others in the same 'family' he'd grown up with-go figure; he just was not even willing to' own up' to not being one who could do anything at all wrong; exhibited total impudence; no attempts at restoration, just hurled a few more false accusations. It's hard to come to grips that are people who call themselves a preacher and can be that hard-hearted and callous, exhibiting no contrition and not even 'human kindness' that you find in unsaved people. The Lord said: "they will tell you are Christians by your love for each other" must not be in his Bible; It definitely appears that this type just redefines the meanings of words in the parts of the Bible that they don't want to deal with apparently as what they heard in their fundamentalist conferences or schools. They bring shame upon His Name and true Character with their misrepresentations.

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    3. Anon 10:03 - I think when there are no attempts for restoration, that should be a red flag. It sounds like you've been through quite a bit, too. I'm sorry to hear that :(

      How are you doing now?

      Delete
  19. I learned just about your story from the young turks. As a Lake Oswego resident I was a little alarmed to learn your former church is in Beaverton. This pastors attitude is totally unacceptable. I will follow your blog, if you need any local help fighting this let me know.
    Now on to the topic I'm an atheist and I've been one for more than 2 decades. The one thing I've missed from church is the sense of community. Fortunately in the portland area there are many ways to achieve this without going to church. My solution has been to join a dragon boating team, but there are also many volunteer projects and other groups that can help out. If you want to join a church I think you should look for one that doesn't focus on old testament morality, that stuff just isn't healthy. Instead I would suggest you find one that supports your values. There are plenty of mellow churches in your neighborhood that will support you.

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    1. Hi Lee - I was unfamiliar with young turks and checked it out. I liked it the video.

      The community aspect is one of my favorite aspects of church, too. Just curious, have you been to church or had negative church experiences?

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  20. Julie Anne, thank you very much for bringing up this topic for discussion.

    I would like to challenge the very notion of "a pastor one can trust" as a major criterion of a healthy church.

    How biblical is the pastor centric model of leadership where everything good or bad about a church hinges on The Pastor? I ask people: who was the pastor of the Galatian church? How about the Corinthian church? Who was the senior pastor there? The Ephesian church? The Antioch church? The Philadelphian church? Can you name a single "senior pastor" in the entire Bible?

    Of course the question is greeted with blank looks. But before you can finish the name of any given church, the senior pastor's name just rolls out of their tongue. In fact, Grace Community Church is longer called Grace Community Church because it's become a common name. It's John MacArthur's church.

    The very notion of the clergy/laity divide is debatable as well. Isn't every believer a priest? My friend Keith (who is also in my home church) has a blog about house churches. These two entries about leadership might be of interest to you.

    THE DISCIPLES ON LEADERSHIP AND HIERARCHY

    WHAT IS A NEW TESTAMENT MODEL OF CHURCH LEADERSHIP?

    I've been a part of a home church fellowship for a little over two years now. There is no paid staff, and because we don't have a building, every penny collected goes to the poor. Because the church does not have The Pastor to look to for leadership, it is up to each individual to step up to the plate and take the initiative. It's been amazing see what people can do free of trappings of institutional church and authority.

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    1. Great point about house churches. I think we need to be aware that anytime there is someone in charge, there can be abuse, whether at a church or house church. The church we attended for 2 yrs after attending BGBC had 5 elders leading - no one pastor in charge. That really appealed to me because there was no one man in charge and they all had to work together to come to decisions.

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    2. All good points. And this is what we are asking ourselves since our exit from an abusive pastor (I like the word bully - it describes him well - pathetic bully, even better, because some of his tactics were ... pathetic). What is with the pastor-centric churches and their propensity for abuses? Julie Anne, the elder rule church you describe can work as long as those elders have not become elders because they passed the test after indoctrination. If they are the Pastor's narcissistic feeders, and he has gathered them around himself to be his yes men, then there's a problem. I think that the church is only going to be as healthy as the men and women of God in leadership are diligent about their own relationships with God. And we need great discernment.

      Delete
    3. Not only has the mainstream media picked up the story, but other groups as well: civil rights, atheist/agnostic, Huffington Post, liberal groups, women's lib, etc. We've been reading through many comments.

      I got a chuckle out of that line from your post. This ought to convince a lot of people that you are on the Devil's side. LOL. It is a list of the "enemies" we are supposed to shun as Christian.

      Not back to the topic. Anonymous already makes the point I was going to make regarding elder rule. They tell you that the pastor is just "one of the elders" which is just a bold faced lie. Hopefully that is not the case in your church. Are they all men? It may sound off topic, but complementarianism is one of the biggest tools of abuse.

      I hope your court date is going well.

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    4. I accidentally hit the delete button instead of publish button on someone's comment. The post referenced a link from gty about finding a good church. Please repost. I'm so sorry! It's been a long day.

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    5. David Cho - I must be from the Devil, then, because I've been responding to atheists - lol. I'm sorry, I just can't "do" this shunning thing to people. I want to reflect Christ to all. Today I said "hi" to people from my former church when I saw them in the courthouse. I am not shunning them, they are shunning me.

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  21. Just thought I'd mention this in case no one else has: the Unitarian/Universalist church (http://www.uua.org/beliefs/principles/) welcomes ALL, no matter what your beliefs (or void thereof). Many who have gone through spiritual pain and could not find healing elsewhere find healing there.

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    1. You raise a good point, Carol. That's exactly part of this blog's purpose - to raise the awareness among churches so they can clean up their act and get back on track. People are being hurt to the point that they are leaving the church that they love and never returning.

      There are plenty of places "outside" who will accept these spiritually broken people. The key is we need the church to wake up, accept the responsibility that they have hurt and abused, and make things right so these precious people don't have to go outside the church home they love.

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    2. No one deserves to be shunned. No one. How can we teach our children not to bully (and to speak up if they are bullied) and then watch it in the pulpits of our churches? "Shunning" IS bullying. Any pastor who promotes it is, pure and simple, a BULLY.

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  22. Julie Anne, I think you should start a church for those who have been pained as you and your family have -- and YOU and your husband should be co-pastors!! You would rock at this.

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  23. Julie Anne, I want you to know that I am and have been praying for you and your family. I am praying that you remain strong, guided by the Lord and continue being so gracious. A few years back I had a situation in my life where God asked me to take a stand. I never dreamed my life would include this chapter, but there I was... The only choices I had were to obey Scripture as I understood it and to walk the journey with my head held high knowing that God was God and fully capable of managing my situation.
    My situation also involved the courts. A place I thought I would only drive by, never enter. I found that God did prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. I found that God had everything under control, despite my moments of panic, worry, and wonder. I discovered that God wanted to use my situation in ways I never imagined. And this same God is doing the same for you.
    Julie Anne, thank you for giving the body of Christ another chance.
    Your sister in Christ, Janet Lynn

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    1. Thank you, Janet Lynn. You are exactly right - - - never in my imagination would I have expected this. Please keep praying for me to do His will in this situation. I've never gone down this path before.

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