Tuesday, May 1, 2012



Two days in a row an Anonymous poster has left a one-word comment:


My first response was that I thought it would look better with the French ending:  Jezebelle.    Don't you think it looks better with the extra "le"?  Must be the French in me.

I spoke about the comment to a friend and we were trying to figure out what it meant exactly.

Yesterday, on Facebook, my daughter posted this status:
 After living in Oregon for ten years, I was never given the opportunity to see Crater Lake. I am finally fulfilling that wish today with my daddy:)

I commented on my daughter's status:  "spoiled child".  
I left no emoticons, no "LOL", nothing, just plain 'ol "spoiled child".

Now of course my daughter and I have a long-time relationship.  We have a common understanding with each other.  Spoiled would typically mean indulgent.  She knows very well that she does get opportunities that her siblings do not get because of her traveling volleyball club.  My "spoiled child" comment was partially true - she does have opportunities that her siblings don't have, yet, I'm also expressing it in a way that rejoices with her.  If you read the next line of my post, it said, "have fun, take lots of pics".  It was a fun and warm response.  There were a few people who "liked" my comment because they "get" me.  Some may have been surprised by my comment even in a negative sense.   That's fine.  When they get to know me, they will "get" me and know my heart.

Well, anyway, back to this Jezebel thing.

So my friend and I were wondering if this one-word comment "Jezebel" was coming from someone who speaks like I do (with my daughter above), bluntly, without the computer emoticons and is just teasing me that I'm rocking the boat by maintaining this blog and posting this good information.

or . . . . . .

Could it be that this Anonymous person is really trying to send me a cryptic message?  Could they be from the (insert creepy music here) "other side"?

If so, I'm thrilled!!  Post more.  Bravo, you are talking!  You are going against the unspoken no-talk rule!  Woo-hoo!!

For future reference, if you are joking (and since you are hiding behind "Anonymous" name), if you put a little emoticon, that might help us all to understand you better.

But in the meantime, I'm absolutely fine if you keep posting your "Jezebel" comments.  It lets me know you are reading the blog!  And if you truly are on the "other side", I know it secretly feels good to go behind you-know-whose back and communicate with those who have been "waging war".

We love you.  We have been praying for you.  It's very nice on this side of the fence where the grass is green and we have friends of our choosing and nobody gets to tell us who we can "befriend" and "unfriend".  We hope you will soon experience that freedom.

And if you truly are angry at me and this blog,  I would like to invite you to express yourself more completely.  I will not remove your posts simply because you do not agree with me.  It is important to have open communication.   That opportunity was not given to us at BGBC.   I am sensitive to the fact that there are raw emotions and some people who have left are still afraid for many reasons.  That is the culture which was created in the environment of a spiritually abusive church.  I do, however, have the ability to remove negative posts, but have not removed any as of yet.  I reserve the right to delete posts which might be interpreted as emotionally/spiritually abusive, but would rather address them head on and dialogue.   Doesn't that seem more reasonable?  Let's talk. 

Just think what happens when there is reasonable dialogue:  good communication, misunderstandings are cleared up, relationships restored, no reason to file civil lawsuits!!!    Who'd have thunk it?! 


  1. The way you talk about our freedom "on this side" reminds me of the Berlin Wall. Here is a portion of the Wikipedia report on the Berlin Wall:

    "Indoctrination of Marxism-Leninism became a compulsory part of school curricula, sending professors and students fleeing to the West. The East Germans created an elaborate political police apparatus that kept the population under close surveillance,[12] including Soviet SMERSH secret police.[10]

    With the closing of the East-West sector boundary in Berlin, the vast majority of East Germans could no longer travel or emigrate to West Germany. Many families were split, while East Berliners employed in the West were cut off from their jobs. West Berlin became an isolated exclave in a hostile land. West Berliners demonstrated against the wall, led by their Mayor (Oberb├╝rgermeister) Willy Brandt, who strongly criticized the United States for failing to respond. Allied intelligence agencies had hypothesized about a wall to stop the flood of refugees, but the main candidate for its location was around the perimeter of the city...

    "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."

    Chuck O'Neal, tear down this wall.

  2. Doing this is just another form of abuse and control. It's amazing to me that those who throw this kind of hate around are usually anonymous. Cowards usually do hit and runs like this. They are the ones deep in sin, not those who expose abuse.

  3. Bravo to you for exposing this legalistic, abusive pastor's tactics (I think jezabel describes the pastor - NOT you). For what it's worth, here's my two cents.

    I don't think the commentor really understands what Jezabel was all about. Here's some info I found on the Jezabel Spirit.

    WEB SPINNING STRATEGIES The individual, operating under the jezebel spirit, begins to secretly spin her web by winning the trust and confidence of those she wants to control. She works undercover and does not want to be exposed. Once acceptance is established, she begins to use truth, seasoned with well placed lies, to clandestinely spin a web of deception and entanglement. Clever methods induce fear in others. She then draws power and authority from their fear. Such individuals have mastered a sophisticated ability to manipulate and control without physical force. A jezebel person:

    • May appear loyal and might volunteer for special service.
    • Seeks teaching/leadership positions to gain position in organizations.
    • Probes people’s character to locate weak areas and identify breaches that she can exploit.
    • Exaggerate her own problems to flush out others.
    • Betrays leadership through knowledge of their personal lives and blackmails them into compromise.
    • Uses either truth or lies to destroy reputations.
    • Uses or asserts another’s authority.
    • Gains power by making political alliances, often in a seemingly submissive and demeaning manner.
    • Wears individuals down to usurp their authority.
    • Labels God’s prophets as false prophets.
    • Orchestrates highs and lows in self and those she manipulates.
    • Builds up and then tears down; stirs up or pacifies; is very positive or very negative depending on the situation.
    • May be loud and bold, or quiet and cunning, depending on situation.
    • Works friends against friends and destroys relationships.
    • Mingles truth with lies and occasionally contradicts self - when challenged claims to have been misunderstood.
    • Changes opinions according to situation and will compromise when necessary.
    • Often manipulates several at one time. • Plays one person/group against another.
    • Will enlist false witnesses to testify against others.
    • Talks and pulls strings behind people’s backs.
    • Undermines self worth and confidence in others.
    • Will attack anyone who gets between her, her goals, and those she controls.
    • Sets people up and springs ambushes/traps.
    • Sometimes pretends submission to gain a strategic advantage.
    • Stimulates, seduces, entices, persuades, provokes, sets up, stirs up.
    • Uses masculine/feminine charms which are deceitful or enticing to manipulate or sexually harass.
    • Dramatic and freely uses emotions to advantage.
    • May use silent treatment at times or pout.
    • Becomes rejected and depressed to gain an advantage.
    • May repent verbally, but not from the heart.
    • Those around her never know how to take her.
    • Presumes God will not judge them–the fear of the Lord is absent–opening the door to their own destruction.
    • When two people under the jezebel spirit are together, they usually contend with each other unless it is to their advantage to form an alliance to attain personal goals.

    OUR RESPONSE Be compassionate toward people operating under the influence of jezebel, do practical acts of love and kindness as the Lord directs, pray for their eyes to be opened, and for strength to enable them to stand against this spirit and repent. But have no mercy, no compromise or sympathy toward the jezebel spirit itself. Do not tolerate the spirit of jezebel in any way!

    If you challenge jezebel, she will fight you. If you confront jezebel, she will "erupt" and often flee in a rage, but later may either forgive you because she knows that you had a bad day and did not realize what you said, or attack a weak area of your life.

    (Source Unknown)

  4. Wow, I think that you could teach me a lot...when I first heard of you and your story I thought..I am supposed to reach out and help her, as I am just coming out of years of manipulation, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, and control from my church which is actually also my family...My uncle and aunt were the Pastors...we were non denominational..NO GOVERNING BODY..but we were taught that denominations were bad...anyway, I thought I was reaching out to help you..but I just read your post...I have been doing battle with Jezebel for a long long time now..I thought it was me...of course I did....I began to see very clearly last year and left the church about six months ago..it has torn my marriage and home apart..It has left me with a gaping wound, left my son so wounded and angry at God and Christians alike....I think I am supposed to reach out to you, because you know what is going on and what we are going through,...to us, we just feel chewed up and spit out...any help, guidance or direction would be greatly appreciated...the rage and anger in my home is abusive and I am at the end of my rope...any suggestions..other than call someone and get help, because I have tried that and every door is closed and locked tight...signed, confused, conflicted and almost done...June email at Jesusgirly723@hotmail.com

  5. After Reading your notes and trying to understand the pastor, I am sorry you are going thru this mis-directed sheperd. Your position is right with regard to what the pastor can and can not do. He has obviously expressed narcissim and paranoia because he can not condemn you nor speak directly to you. He reflects immaturity and lacks the social skills in dealing with people who are hurting. You need not waste your time with him nor fret about the congregation. They (Congregation) are not your enemy, simply confused as to why they are following a leader who does not know how to care. As to the law suit, there is no defamation and it is even more wrong for him to take this approach of seeking punitive damages. If anything he should humble his heart and acknowledge his wrong doing for acting so harsh. Question might be asked, what does he think he is protecting? Why is he so insecure that he has to play mind control with members? Are they not old enough to make their own choices or is it just a religious country club for exclusive members only? I would only hope they are far beyond this and are mature enough to address each person respectfully and responsibly. Most problems will go away and the ones that will not go away is because a person in leadership has done something very wrong. "There is nothing hidden that shall not be made known"
    The congregation needs to rise up and encourage the pastor to stop creating more schism and instead mend fences and building each other up in grace and truth. They could use some real good deacons to help settle the dust there. Peace and Grace are acts of goodness and no congregation goes wrong when it treats every member in like fashion.

  6. Hi there...I ran across this blog from a link on a recent article about the lawsuit. First, the lawsuit is a travesty. I'm struggling to understand what legal team would even take the helm of a ship that is so obviously going to sink.

    That's neither here nor there, though. I wanted to take a moment to express my sincere thanks for your blog. I was raised by divorced parents: half the time I was a strict Roman Catholic, and the other half (which is to say, the other parent) I was brought up strict southern Baptist. Honestly, both of those churches, in retrospect, were bad fits for me. I won't badmouth my former houses of worship--they clearly meant well, and do a lot of good for their communities--but being exposed to the EXCLUSIVITY of both, in tandem, during my formative years, left me with a giant crisis of faith. Mom's church says Dad will go to hell...Dad's church says Mom will go to hell...Mom and Dad both want each other to go to hell...um...I think I'll just read by myself.

    It was awful, confusing, painful...I grew up feeling like I had to hide my faith from EVERYONE. I didn't want my dad knowing that my St. Anthony medallion brought me peace of mind when I was nervous. I didn't want my mom knowing that I sang gospel as loud as I could at church on Dad weekends, that it felt like real power coming through my veins. Above all, I had to hide any real feelings I had about God: feelings of inadequacy (why is everyone else speaking in tongues? Am I not good enough for God to talk to me?), feelings of frustration and shame (asking questions was something I was praised for in school--at church functions, it was a source of shame, family humiliation.)

    When I grew up and moved out, I never went back to church, and I had never planned to. I always kept this "dirty little secret" that I secretly believed in God, and that--further blasphemy--he loved me! But I've always missed being able to share that particular kind of love in a community, where it can grow.
    Sorry for writing a novel! I just wanted you to know that what you are doing here is a very real kind of evangelism. If I'd never read this blog, I wouldn't be looking for churches to try out. So, thank you for your sharing. Keep it up--we're reading!

    1. Julie Anne is shedding happy tears!!!!! Thank you so much for telling me story. It's interesting in my childhood we had the switcheroo thing going on, too, but my parents weren't divorced. One parent was raised Baptist, the other Catholic and I absolutely relate with what you shared how they say bad things about each other. Talk about confusion, huh?!

      I pray that you will find a great church. Let me know, okay?

    2. You talk about modesty...Why do you allow an advert for lingerie, corsets and stockings on your blog? How hypocritical.


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